Perseverance essay in relation to ice hokey

Hi all, I'm writing an essay on perseverance, in relation to ice hockey (Bobby Orr in this case). Feel free to pitch ideas, as I can really use them.

Thanks

Geoff,
Your essay will be stronger (and more enjoyable for you to write) if you come up with your own ideas. Why did you choose Bobby Orr? Is there something about his story that inspires you? Start there.

You can try the prewriting technique of brainstorming. Jot down everything you know about Bobby Orr and his career that might be related to perseverance. Don't stop to question yourself along the way. Just list as much as you can think of in a set period of time. Then look back over your list and choose which things you can use. Then you can use an outline to organize them however you like, such as by theme or chronologically, starting in childhood and working your way through his life.

Feel free to post an outline or draft here for feedback when you get a little further in the process.

Alright, here's a rough draft... Please give me your feedback :)





"If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again." "I think I can; I think I can." Most people in the world have heard these phrases at some point in their lives. Each of the foregoing demonstrates the concept of perseverance, which is also well portrayed throughout Stephen Brunt's novel, "Searching for Bobby Orr". This biography proves that perseverance goes beyond a simple willingness to try hard.

Bobby Orr grew up in Parry Sound, Ontario, a small and rural town. Bobby had only one life goal, and it was to play in the National Hockey League. At a young age, all he wanted to do was to play the wonderful sport for the rest of his life. Stephen Brunt's physical description of Bobby Orr was "all skin and bones", which appears to be the reason he won't reach his goal. However, Bobby's attitude was unique. Only perseverance can describe the eager and ambitious young boy. Bobby was dedicated and determined. He knew how much he had to work and train in order to reach his goal, and wasn't intimidated whatsoever.

Young Bobby practiced until he puked. His dedication and determination allowed him to strive forward and reach his goal. Bobby Orr became a superstar in the National Hockey League. Orr was drafted by the Boston Bruins in 1966 and quickly won the Calder Memorial Trophy as the league's most outstanding rookie. After 12 phenomenal seasons, Orr posted a total of 915 points in only 657 games. He was almost re-writing record books as he was setting so many at such a fast pace. Bobby Orr was inducted to the Hall of Fame in 1979, and was considered one the best defensemen of all time.


Orr had demonstrated that perseverance is not just an attitude. It is a way of life. It is the overcoming of any disadvantage that stands in our way. It is the quality of searching for opportunities to overcome obstacles that we face. Bobby Orr lived in a time of war, which complicated his early life. Perseverance was the feature that enabled Orr to forget about the world around him. All he focused on was his ambition of playing in the National Hockey League. In spite of the obstacles he faced, he had to endure and be patient in order for him to succeed.


To conclude, I have learned that everyone has a different limit to which they can be pushed but attempting to overcome challenges and obstacles, is all part of persevering. Bobby Orr has shown the world a new definition of perseverance, which includes the ability to endeavor in spite of adversity and the prevention of relinquishing while striving to achieve certain goals. Orr's success proves his determination. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again".

Geoff,
I think it would be great if you can elaborate further in first paragraph and if you can use much better phrase then the one you have used.

It would be great if you can say when & how Bobby develop his "one life goal", why do you feel Bobby's attitude was unique, example about his dedication and determination.

It would be great if you can say abt some of his failure and by using his unique attitude he become superstar. Say abt respect and fame he earn. Also think about how you can relate all this to ice hockey and perseverance.

Though I'm not an expert this are some of my thoughts.

I hope this help.

I like how you begin and end with those familiar phrases. Don't change that.

I have a few minor suggestions:

Stephen Brunt's book, "Searching for Bobby Orr".

a small and rural town

and is considered one the best defensemen

Orr had demonstrated that perseverance

Good work!

Thank you Hiren and Simone

You mention that Orr lived at a time of war, and that this complicated his life. You might want to elaborate on that earlier in the essay. Also, you don't really talk much about what he did that showed perseverance, apart from training hard, which is presumably true of all professional athletes. Maybe you could talk about his training schedule, injuries he had to recover from, other setbacks he faced, etc. In other words, show his perseverance, rather than just telling about it.

And remember, if at first you don't succeed, don't take up skydiving.