Your opinion on this paragraph (literature class)

Hi my name is Lorena
i would like your opinion on this paragraph which a wrote for the literature class
pleaseeeee i need feedback
assigment:
The wanderer laments the harshness of the world in which he lives. He viewed both human beigns and nature as cruel. In a paragraph (150 words) agree or disagree with the wanderer´s view of the world, and satate your reasons for dong so.

The wanderer views of cruelty on both world and human beings is understandable to a man in his current situation. However, i disagree with the idea of living a life in sorrow and hatress towards everything that exist. His fatalistic view of inexorable fate and how it controlls the world is against my beliefs. Furthermore,the capacity of every human being to overcome conflicts and adversity in every day life is what makes him strong. Similarly, the capacity of forgiveness and be mercyful is what distinguish us from animals. Finally, dead is part of life as destruction and agression are parts of humans being´s nature, so i have a realistic point of view. I believe on facts, actions and the oportunity to change, to reborn, and there is no reason to live lamenting for the past or to be defeated by fate.

Good evening Lorena!

You have a nice essay; here are my suggestions:

The wanderer (Change this to "wanderer's" because he is the one who owns the views.) views of cruelty on (Change to "in") both (Insert "the") world and human beings is understandable to a man in his current situation. However, i (Capitalize.) disagree with the idea of living a life in sorrow and hatress (Change to "hatred".) towards everything that exist (Change to "exists".) . His fatalistic view of inexorable fate and how it controlls the world is against my beliefs. Furthermore, the capacity of every human being to overcome conflicts and adversity in every day (One word; "everyday".) life is what makes him (Change to "an individual".) strong. Similarly, the capacity of forgiveness and be mercyful (Change to "mercy".) is what distinguish (Change to "distinguishes") us from animals. Finally, dead (Change to "death".) is part of life as destruction and agression are parts of humans being´s nature (Change to simply "human nature".) , so i (Capitalize) have a realistic point of view. I believe on (Change to "in".) facts, actions and the oportunity to change, (Remove this and add "and".) to (Insert "be") reborn, (Remove this and add a period.) and (Remove this) there (Capitalize) is no reason to live lamenting for the past or to be defeated by fate.

This essay is very clear and concise; you let us know exactly what your beliefs are and what your reasoning is behind them. Nice work.

I hope my suggestions help!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Thank you very much for your suggestions. It is really difficult to write for me so I will write more often to this site and hopefully I´ll improve.
thanks again
Lorena Costilla

Lorena,

You are very welcome. Any time!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com