"Never too Buff"; two examples of thesis statments

Subject essay is given "Never too Buff"
It is about the obsession with body images that boys and men have that is unrealistic. What society through the media,magazines,and toys show in the subliminal that are damaging the images young boys are trying to achieve. And how it's only obtainable by the use of steroids or the obsessive behavior that it causes.
We have to write an argumentative essay agreeing/refute a claim he has made.
" More than half of the boys aged 11-17 chose as their physical ideal an image attainable only by using steroids: So, they do."(Cloud, 2008,p 50)
I would like help with creating a thesis.
I have two examples of thesis statment which i came up with: Which is best if any?
#1 Teenage boys are subjected to subliminal messages by the television shows,magazines,computer games and even in society which will cause phychological disoders mentally and phycially.
#2 Extremes of this obsession of body image that pop culture demonstrates through TV, magazines and society will eventually turn our young boys to the world of drug abuse.
Which thesis if any is good?

The first one is somewhat better, as it is more defensible. I'd revise it to: "Teenage boys are subjected to subliminal messages by the in television shows, magazines, and computer games and even in society which will can cause psychological disorders mentally and physically."

Good luck coming up with a first draft. Don't forget to post it here when you are done for more feedback.

I think the term "subliminal" is going to make it tough, because that will require a lot of explanation. Instead, consider changing that to:

"Teenage boys are subjected to subliminal implicit social pressure and unhealthy notions in..."

Cool topic! Usually girls are the ones being written about in terms of unhealthy social expectations and body image, etc.

Thanks Kevin, I will considers both of the revisions. However, we are doing a critical reading assignment that speaks about subliminal messages in the media, in this particulary essay.
I do like the, "unhealthy notions" ending though.... you don't think that may be to vague? My essay body would be explaining or convincing the reader that it's unhealthy which is causing these boys to have psycological problems, and abusing steroids to attain those unrealistic body image.
The unhealthy notions, is that replacing the psycological disorders and steroids?
Could you state the entire thesis again.
Thanks, Misha

Sean or Kevin,
I came up with this revision, what do you guys think?
Teenage boys are subjected to subliminal messages and unhealthy notions in television shows, magazines, and computer games which can cause psychological disorders, and abuse of steroids trying to attain an unrealistic body image.
Misha

The thesis sounds good overall. The problem with "subliminal" is that it is inaccurate. Subliminal messages are messages added in between frames of film so that they aren't on screen long enough for people to see them consciously. Subliminal messages are illegal in the media, as far as I know, so teenagers are not exposed to them. What they are exposed to is a stream of unrealistic looking body images that warp their expectations of what they should look like themselves.

Thanks Sean, for clarifying that for me. We were on the topic of a video, when subliminal messages were brought up. I will gladly accept your suggestion. Thanks again!

Could you please look this over and offer any suggestion? This is my draft. We have to use apa format.
I know my closing is week, can you offer any suggestion!

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), "Children are influenced by media – they learn by observing, imitating, and making behaviors their own." (2001, p.1224) Often we blindly accept the images and messages that the media gives us even if we know it's unattainable. Cloud claims, "The name which refers to the gorgeous half man, half God of mythology, may be a little too ready for Oprah, but, this theory behind it will start a wonderful debate."(Cloud, 2008, p.49) We must help today's youth to examine the media for messages about what is ideal and often unrealistic. Teenage boys are subjected to implicit social pressure and unhealthy notions in television shows, magazines, and computer games which can cause psychological disorders, and abuse of steroids trying to attain an unrealistic body image.

Psychological distress is the end result of factors of psychogenic pain, internal conflicts, and external stress that prevent a person from self-actualization and connecting with significant others. The eating Disorders Awareness and Preventions Inc organizations (1999) emphatically states, "People with negative body image have a greater likelihood of developing a disorder and are a more likely to suffer from felling of depression, isolation, low-esteem and obsession with weight loss. (Pipher, 1994, p.1) I believe it goes hand in hand with self esteem. It seems as though when a person is uncomfortable with their body image they tend to shy away from people and reality. I can relate, how someone would feel insecure, especially in my younger years, there were times when my weight would fluctuate and I would isolate myself. I felt as if I didn't measure up to the perfect image, even when people would say I wasn't fat. I know it consumed my emotions and constant thought to the point of isolation. For many years, it seemed as if it was just a female issue about negative body image, until Cloud, made us aware that it is a growing concern with our young boys, he states, "More than half of the boys 11 to 17 chose as their physical ideal an image attainable only by using steroids."(Cloud, 2008, p.50)

Advertised images have also been recently accused of setting unrealistic ideals for males and boys are beginning to risk their health to achieve the well-built media standard. There are triggers for the disorders among boys that are differing among girls. Boy's disorders include excessive physical activity, fragile sexual identity, demanding expectations of competitive sports, muscle building and ideals of physical perfections. Peer pressure and media images of buff bodies may be driving a growing number of teenagers to turn to potentially dangerous supplements to bulk up their bodies and improve their body image. Teens who feel that way are up to twice as likely to try supplements to achieve those goals.

A new survey shows nearly a third of teenage boys and girls say they frequently think about wanting more toned and defined muscles. It's the largest survey to look at the use of hormones, supplements, body image, and media influences among teenagers. The results show that teens' dissatisfaction with their bodies goes far beyond wanting to be thin and may lead them to use potentially dangerous steroids, hormones, or other supplements. Warner, J. (2005) WebMD Medical News. The mental abuse and pressure some parents, coaches and the media that put on adolescent boys to perform is ultimately leading them to drug abuse to achieve these unrealistic goals. Sometimes we tend to push our kids to much, for reasons of our own disappointments in life. Usually, when it's that motive it a driven passion that will ultimately destroy the goal because of the obsession with achieving that goal..


Researchers say their findings that are in the magazines, Pediatrics show that the media and peer pressure attribute to influence on teen supplement use and body image concerns. They also stated that boys who read men's fashion or health or fitness magazines were than twice likely were more than twice as likely to use supplements at least weekly to increase muscle tone use supplements at least weekly to increase muscle tone. As a result it is causing boy's to have a unlikelihood of a feeling of confident about their body and to take drastic measures to achieving it.
In the end, we as a society must find ways of sending positive messages for young boys to emulate in healthy habits of achieving their goals..

Hi! Yes, in answer to one question you asked me above, I do think it seemed a little vague. It's just that this was a tough essay; subliminal messages are specific things, so you need to be able to find examples of their actual use if you are going to write about them -- examples of their deliberate use, I think.

Okay, I am reading this draft now....

Okay... I see that your thesis sentence does not even include the word "subliminal" now. Is that going to get you in trouble? You gave me the impression that this essay needed to be about subliminal messages. If this shift of topic is alright, I think the essay is great!

For your citations, put the period after the parenthetical reference:

"...behaviors their own" (2001, p.1224). It seems weird, but that is how to do it! :)

"What they are exposed to is a stream of unrealistic looking body images that warp their expectations of what they should look like themselves."

I'm speaking from experience when I say that those body imags are not "unrealistic." They just take a little work and dedication.

Give it 6 months, and with adequate dedication, the proper diet and accompanying fitness regimen, and you can achieve impressive results.

Unrealistic would be if they paraded bodybuilders across the screen.

Bodybuilders in the IFBB, the main bodybuilding league, take steroids, and are incredibly gifted, genetically.

It would be unfathomable for a person to expect themselves to look like a professional bodybuilder.

However, as for the images I presume you guys are talking about; football players, male models, female models for that matter etc., they can be attained from baseline for most people in a year tops.

We are born with our parents genes, we can't change that. But those genes that we have give us an extraordinary range, the limits of which we can only test through work ethic.

That's precisely why I find it so sad when people resign themselves to saying things such as

"oh, the advertisers just flash unrealistic images across the screen to make bucks"

The part about them wanting to make a buck off of you is correct. However, it is in most cases incorrect to say that those images are unrealistic. Will it make you feel better to say that? Sure.

But understand that if you should feel that you want to look like a model or athlete, physically, what's stopping you is your laziness, not that his/her physique is unrealistic.

First off Mustafa, I would like to say, You state,"It would be unfathomable for a person to expect themselves to look like a professional bodybuilder.

My essay, is on the perception young boys have on these images, which they idolize. They are very impressionable and vulnerable at this age. You also mentioned that the International Federation of bodbuilders take steroids, they do? because it's banned, they are illegal.

You also mention that these body builders are genetically gifted, if so, then why take steroids?
Steroids alter your DNA among a whole list of other crippling and possibly fatal occurances.

I do agree that you can obtain a great muscle toned body, by working out, but not the extreme images and unrealistc images that are portrayed.

Each to their own opinon, but first, do some research, be informed of the dangers.

In regards to your last statment, I am in the gym at least 5 day week. I love to swim and relax and read in the sauna.

"First off Mustafa, I would like to say, You state,"It would be unfathomable for a person to expect themselves to look like a professional bodybuilder."

- I suppose you can fathom it after all if you are an optimist.

"My essay, is on the perception young boys have on these images, which they idolize. They are very impressionable and vulnerable at this age. You also mentioned that the International Federation of bodbuilders take steroids, they do? because it's banned, they are illegal."

- I'm all for your essay so you can achieve a good grade and excel academically, however you should also consider on occasion, how important it is to you that you excel personally. A lot of people like easy professors, easy classes, and the easy way in life. Many people would take you up on the offer to give them $5 million on the condition that they should never think or work hard ever again. In fact, I don't think it necessary that you stipulate for them not to challenge themselves, they are capable and willing to take that track all by themselves if given the means to do so. What am I saying? Hold on and let me refocus so I can get back to the particulars. Right. I guess the question is, Would you rather get an A and learn nothing, or get a B and learn something? Would you rather be rich and retarded, or capable and modest?

Have you ever heard the saying "An unexamined life is not worth living?"

Take it to heart.

Now then, let's suppose that young boys do idolize these athletes and muscular male models. Why is that a bad thing?

Would you rather young boys idolized morbidly obese, wider than tall, on the verge of heart attack, unhealthy people?

Granted, if you take fitness too seriously, that can be unhealthy too, but that's true of almost everything. All things in moderation, I would rather aspire to be fit than to be unfit.

Yes, young kids are impressionable. Yes, they are vulnerable. But to what? Don't skirt the issue, this is not half-speak.

Yes, professional bodybuilders take steroids, growth hormone, diuretics, and sometimes they will get pectoral and calf implants, and even inject oil into their delts and arms to make them appear bigger.

It is irrelevant. Most young teens don't look up to bodybuilders. I'm aware that steroids are illegal. Again, it is irrelevant. I chose that example to show something that if it were true, there might be just cause for concern, but it is not the case.

Really though, it's not even necessarily a bad thing to look up to bodybuilders as long as you don't emulate the unsavory aspects of the things they do to look like they do (using illegal, dangerous drugs).

You also mention that these body builders are genetically gifted, if so, then why take steroids?
Steroids alter your DNA among a whole list of other crippling and possibly fatal occurances.

- Steroids are associated with adverse effects on your health; I'm aware of it.

- I don't want to get started here. There is a common misconception among people who do not work out themselves, or people who like to marginalize others to make themselves feel better, that steroids will do it all for you. That couldn't be further from the truth. There are enough amateurs who take steroids in heaps and bust their balls working out, but they don't look like anything close to professional bodybuilders. The fact is, it takes a dozen plus years of training 6 days a week (sometimes twice a day) at an incredible intesity, eating several thousand calories daily, avoiding 80% of foods which are not conducive, getting adequate rest, having some of the best genetics in the world, and yes, taking steroids, at least for IFBB pros.

I do agree that you can obtain a great muscle toned body, by working out, but not the extreme images and unrealistc images that are portrayed.

What exactly do you mean when you say "muscle toned?"

The average person can add roughly, and I mean very roughly, 20-30 lb of muscle to their frame above their normal body weight, and at a body fat of 10%, without dedicating their life to being big, or putting unnatural substances in their body.

Just to put it in perspective, that's enough muscle to get you noticed by 9 out of 10 people without even trying.

Oh yeah, what are these extreme and unrealistic images that are being portrayed?

Care to give me some examples?

Each to their own opinon, but first, do some research, be informed of the dangers.

I dare say I've done more research than you, and I've seen and experienced these things firsthand, more than you.

What are the dangers? It makes for great comedy when an uninformed person tries to shock and awe a veteran.

Kind of like the lay person who has been inundated with a lot of misinformation and hysteria about something, and they meet their match in a person who is actually well versed in the realities of this thing. They shout, It's DANGEROUS! or, It has DEVASTATING CONSEQUENCES!

If you wait them out and stand your ground, slowly they come to the realization that

a) they don't have any proof that this thing is bad
b) it is not bad
3) they've been misled to believe it is bad

in the order of first realization.

You know what? A fast metabolism doesn't exactly run in my family's genes.

But I wanted to see for myself, if really I was limited by something I had no control over. The answer was a resounding no.

Here's a link from when I was 16 years 7 months old, after 5 months working out.

It doesn't show me at my peak, and since then I 've come off a long way because it didn't appeal to me to continue with the same amount of dedication. Once I've proved to myself that I can do something, I don't find much fun in doing it. It's kind of a dangerous trait because sometimes you overestimate your abilities and write something off as doable, when it might not be.

Look at the picture and take my advice.

http://img401.imageshack.us/img401/2503/1485232orig.jpg

Push the boundaries, and think for yourself.

If you let other people think for you, tell you what is possible and what is not, and tell you what's the case and what is not, you risk abdicating your soul and never seeing reality or even at least coming to terms with it on your own.

If you go by convention, convention has it that you'll be a conventional person.

Hi Sean, could you read my essay and offer any imput. See below
Misha

The essay seems solid to me. If you wanted to address some of what Mustafa said, you might want to point out that most normal people do not live at the extremes. That is, there are a whole range of body types between "toned muscle-builder" and "morbidly obese." Both extremes are essentially unnatural. The problem with media today is that it shows everyone as being at "the toned muscle-builder" extreme, which makes teenagers feel that their own bodies are inadequate, when in fact they are merely normal. In other words, the media is making an extreme type into a norm, which it is unrealistic to expect most people to attain. Worse, they don't normally show the toned bodies as being the result of consistent effort and training. In Hollywood Land, people binge drink, eat junk food, and never engage in strenuous physical activity, and still look like body-builders. That is unrealistic. It also encourages teenagers, who have decided that they are physically inadequate, and who are striving to attain a sculpted body, to take potentially dangerous short cuts, such as steroids, to achieve their goals.

Sean and Kevin, I appreciate your time helping with this essay. I'd rather not express any more to Mustafa, even though I stated those same feelings. He is too angry and closed minded to hear anything constructive. Thanks, Misha

You misunderstood me, I think. When I said you could use the points I made to address what Mustafa said, I didn't mean to say you should write a response to him, personally. I meant that you could use those points to strengthen your essay by fortifying it against the sort of criticisms he gave you. Mustafa likes to argue, and is often needlessly provocative, but he's intelligent enough, and if you ignore the personal edge he likes to add to his arguments, there is normally material worth considering buried in there. As moderator, I refuse to comment on your view that he is angry and close-minded, but just because he might not benefit from hearing your rebuttals doesn't mean that your essay wouldn't be stronger if you included them.

In any event, best of luck on your essay.

Now, reading with my defense down, I can take advantage of his point of view.
Thanks again,
Sean
Oh Mustafa, thanks, if you just stated your argument with the insults, I would have been a little more open to see your point.
Nevertheless thanks, Misha