If you are writing fiction, you can write from the third person omniscient point of view, which means you are free to switch between the various characters' points of view however you want, or you can write from a limited third person perspective, in which you use the third person but mostly give us only the protagonist's point of view. Or, you can use first person, either writing from the point of view of the protagonist, as in
Catcher in the Rye, or from the point of view of a minor character, as in any of the Sherlock Holmes stories. Each approach has its advantages and disadvantages, so you'll have to experiment a bit to decide which one you prefer.
That's if you are writing fiction, of course. A narrative essay, however, is normally a non-fiction, or purportedly non-fiction piece written in the first person, from the essayist's point of view. In other words, you would write about an incident from your own life, describing it and reflecting on what it meant to you. This, unfortunately, means that what you have written so far is pretty much on the wrong track.
Good luck coming up with a new draft, though.
Sean, EssayForum.com