Intro Paragraph on Media and Violence Essay

How is this for a intro paragraph? Should I add the examples im going to use into this paragraph?
My subject is media and violence and i have to agree, qualify, or challenge this subject. I am qualifying it as being somewhat true but mostly false. I cant decide on a thesis statement.


HERE IS MY PARAGRAPH:


Media, with its language and image influence how a person perceives violence. There are shows that do convey positive images such as, programs for children like Barney, Arthur, and Sesame Street. Most Media on television uses language and images to attract viewers. The person believes that these shows potray real life, and they may connect with the characters or subject matter. Even though violence is potrayed all the time in media and people do get influenced, this is not always the case.

Greetings!

I think what your paragraph is lacking is cohesion. Each of the five sentences seems to be somewhat disconnected from the sentence that came before it. For instance, your first sentence is about how a person perceives violence; your next sentence is about children's programming. You third sentence talks about how media is used to attract viewers. These are three different subjects! You say you have to "agree, qualify or challenge" the subject. Is there a statement that you are supposed to agree with, qualify or challenge? One does not normally "agree with" an entire subject. If the thing you are qualifying is the statement that media influences how a person perceives violence, make sure that every sentence in your opening paragraph is directed toward that, and only that. Don't bring in other topics.

If you could give me the exact assignment instructions, I might be able to help you more.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com