Help with a Commonapplication Short answer essay

Hi,
I need some help with a Commonapplication Short answer essay. Thank you for helping me with my first post. I appreciate it.

This is the question. Briefly elaborate on one of your activities(extra - curricular, personal or work experience). Attach your response on a seperate sheet. (150 words or fewer)

A minute more to go. How were we going to make six points in one minute. We perseveered, but that was not enough. The referee blew the whistle; I stood there in disbelief. I could not believe the trophy had just slipped through our hands. I was not devastated , though, because of one lesson basketball has taught me. Basketball has taught me how to lose gracefully.

I began playing basketball at age7, and still spend most of my leisure playing it. I have met the most gregarious and the most choleric people whiles playing basketball. In a game like basketball, one man cannot handle the ball throughout the game. He will definitely get worn out. It takes all the five members of the team to win a game. This ,in other words, is teamwork. Teamwork is one invaluable lesson basketball has taught me,and it works wonders even outside the spheres of basketball.

Good afternoon.

Here are my suggestions:

"A minute more to go. How were we going to make six points in one minute? We persevered, but that was not enough. The referee blew the whistle; I stood there in disbelief. I could not believe the trophy had just slipped through our hands. I was not devastated though, because one lesson basketball has taught me is to lose gracefully.

I began playing basketball at age7, and still spend most of my leisure time playing it. I have met the most gregarious and the most choleric people while playing basketball. In a game like basketball, one man cannot handle the ball throughout the game; he will definitely get worn out. It takes all the five members of the team to win a game; in other words, it takes teamwork. Teamwork is one invaluable lesson basketball has taught me,and it works wonders even outside the spheres of basketball." What about losing gracefully? Expand more upon that in your first paragraph, or tie in teamwork to losing gracefully in a third; as this stands now it looks like two separate essays.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

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Please review this essay

Hi,
I need some help with a Commonapplication Short answer question. Thank you for helping me with my first post. I appreciate it.
This is the question. Briefly elaborate on one of your activities(extra - curricular, personal or work experience). Attach your response on a seperate sheet. (150 words or fewer)

A minute more to go. How were we going to make six points in one minute. We perseveered, but that was not enough. The referee blew the whistle; I stood there in disbelief. I could not believe the trophy had ust slipped through our hands. I was not devastated , though, because of one lesson basketball has taught me. Basketball has taught me how to lose gracefully.

I began playing basketball at age7, and still spend most of my leisure playing it. I have met the most grgarious and the most choleric people whiles playing basketball. In a game like basketball, one man cannot handle the ball throughout the game. He will definitely get worn out. It takes all the five members of the team to win a game. This ,in other words, is teamwork. Teamwork is one invaluable lesson basketball has taught me,and it even works wonders outside the spheres of basketball.

Hello!

Here are my suggestions:

"A minute more to go. How were we going to make six points in one minute. We perseveered, but that was not enough. The referee blew the whistle; I stood there in disbelief. I could not believe the trophy had just slipped through our hands. I was not devastated though, because of one lessons basketball has taught me is to lose gracefully.

I began playing basketball at age 7, and still spend most of my leisure time playing it. I have met the most gregarious and the most choleric people while playing basketball. In a game like basketball, one man cannot handle the ball throughout the entire game. He will definitely get worn out. It takes all the five members of the team to win a game. This, in other words, is teamwork. Teamwork is one invaluable lesson basketball has taught me,and it even works wonders outside the spheres of basketball."

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com