Can someone please help organize my essay and make it sound as if i am talking to someone through this essay not in a research paper way. This is a admission essay for a in high school program called lyceum. It for upcoming juniors and senior. Colleges love this program and it will better my chances of getting a scholar ship. Please help i would really appreciate it.
Ancient Egyptian art is an ancient form of art that has not only influenced the world but also the way I view it today. Coincidentally, ancient Egyptian art is major influence on todays art and architecture. Surprisingly, most constructions today, from skyscrapers to houses, use the linear step design method of the pyramid. Brilliantly invented by an Egyptian civilization three thousand years ago. Egyptian art surrounds and influences us in everyday life. From ancient designs found on the wall of homes, offices, state buildings as well as sculptures used in homes and offices. This ancient civilization crafted different forms of incredible art using math, science and basic tools. to build 24ft sculptures to pyramids they must have been beyond advanced for their time period. This ancient civilization not only made miraculous forms of art but through it they portrayed the most significant to them. By incorporation through their art and their view on the value of life, culture, religion, and art.I believe that this ancient civilization spoke to us through their art and telling us we an accomplish anything just with knowledge. They also encouraged us to bring to life our art from adding patterns, color, life value, to encouragement. They made us tell through art that would always be there.
Ancient Egyptian art has also influenced the art of the greeks and the western world. Egyptian art inspired the Greek to experiment with different methods of art techniques,especially in architecture. I think that ancient Egyptian art influenced the rest of the world to experiment with art and challenge their 'modern art'. It is the earliest and longest living form of ancient art around the Mediterranean. Egypt is famous for its pyramids, hieroglyphics, paintings, architecture, pottery, and sculptures. Most elements of the ancient Egyptian art remained remarkably stable over that 3,000 year period with relatively little outside influence all remarkably crafted with relatively little outside influence.
1. Expand/change/vary your vocabulary/diction/words. Using the same words over and over again desensitizes them and makes them boring instead.
2. You say it has influenced the way you view it, but I do not see how you view it in this essay.
3. Your conclusion needs a lot of work.
4. Your grammar needs a lot of work.
