Greetings!
I have edited the first half for you, but because there are quite a few mistakes in grammar, punctuation and spelling, there is a limit to how much I can do on this free site. I would suggest that you run your paper through a spell-checker and also be aware of some basic rules:
1. Always put a space after a comma or period (but not before).
2. Watch your tenses; some of your writing is in the past tense, as it should be, but some is in the present tense.
3. Only capitalize proper nouns (names like Dr. Bansori), except for the pronoun "I" which is always capitalized.
4. Write out numbers less than 10. (terrible twos)
It was around 2.15 am. I was woken up by some sharp pains in my tummy. Initially, I thought it was a kick made by my unborn, baby—I was in my 39th week of pregnancy. I decided to eat something, but I did not want to disturb my husband. Nightlamp's bright beam spread all over the room. [I'm not sure what the point of this sentence is; did you turn on the light, despite not wanting to disturb your husband? It is not clear.] After drinking some milk, I got another severe ache which was like a huge wave, one after the other; that caused terrible cramps in my lower back and thighs, so I collapsed onto the chair for a few minutes. I bit my lips to control it. I was scared and asked myself "was that a true labor pain or false labor?" Though most pains were nothing to worry about, just to be sure, I woke my husband and my mom up and asked them to call the doctor to confirm it. My mom blessed me before we went to the hospital. Even though it was a dark, quiet early morning, there were some cars on the road. We were at the hospital around 3.30 am. My doctor had arranged every thing for me.
We went to the labor ward. The room looked like a two-star hotel: flowered wall paper, nice adjustable bed, a cozy chair, a side table with lamps on it, a 24-inch TV, etc. We were excited to seen the small bassinette for the baby. After I put on a hospital gown, the nurse injected the needle in my arm and hooked the cables to a baby monitor. I was really scared now. Again, I got the cramps, so I told the nurse, "I feel burning aches in my lower body which is extremley painful. Can I have something to kill the pain?" Then, she alleviated my pain through an epidural, which was a horrible process, but afterward, I felt no pain. It seemed like we had a vacation in the labor ward for a few hours.[I'm not sure what this means.]
While my husband was watching TV, I closed my eyes and started thinking about the day that we were going to be first-time parents; I also remembered the day when I felt the first movement of my baby. It was a sunny day in May; all of a sudden, I felt fluttering like a butterfly inside my tummy. It was a quick movement and the happiest moment in my life. After that, I grew like a peach; then, like a melon; finally, like a full moon. That was a miraculous change. I wondered "who is this turning, swimming, and growing deep inside me?"
Suddenly, I felt the urge to push.. The nurse said, "You are 100% dilated, and ready to push." She set up everything, covering my tummy with a blue sheet, hanging my legs in the stand, [I think you mean "stirrups"] bringing the mirror and other equipment and changing the light setting. It was the scariest moment other than delivering the baby. She taught me how to push. My doctor came in and wished me luck! Everybody was counting with me while I pushed. I had to push! and push! breath! and breath! It was such hard work. I struggled for two hours but nothing happened. I was tired and want to cry, "Please get the child out of me!" Then, my doctor used suction .Oh! God !That was the worst sound in the world. My doctor said "Anuradha, whenever you feel the contraction, give me the best push!" I tried, but the baby showed her head and went inside. My husband shouted, "I see the head ! I see the head! Honey! give a strong push, this time you are going to make it." I pushed and pushed! Meanwhile, the doctor tried the suction two times. She said, "The baby's heartbeat is getting lower. Anuradha, this is your last chance; otherwise, I am going to C-section you." I had excruciating stress. I didn't want anyone cutting into me. I felt exhausted and sore also had a reddened face. I gathered my whole energy while that big contraction came. I pushed and pushed; the doctor grabbed the baby; the whole baby came out of me. It was such hard work, no other work in the whole world could be so hard. My husband kissed me and said, "Good job, sweety! You made it!" We both were excited and overwhelmed. It was around 5.15 pm on Sunday, February 5th, 2006. Dr.Bansori, who was my gynecologist, put the baby on my chest. She looked like an "oviyam"—beautiful art in the tamil language. She had rose-red, chubby cheeks; shining star brown eyes, and silky black hair. After seeing the baby, I knew it had all been worth it.. So we named her "Ovia." A nurse took care of her at night while we were at the hospital.
I don't know how long your paper is supposed to be, but I would suggest stopping after the childbirth story and not getting into the toddler years, unless you really need to, to fill up space. If the experience you are writing about is "motherhood," then you would really want to spend more time on the actual parenting part, and less on labor and delivery. Perhaps "Childbirth" would be a more appropriate title? As it is, the essay is a little unbalanced, with minute detail about giving birth, and rushing through the toddler years...just something to think about.
I hope this helps!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
Sarah, EssayForum.com
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