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A day at the mall with/without kids - Descriptive essay



newworldThreads: 9
Posts: 35
Author: pooja
   
Jun 11, 2008, 04:01pm   #1
Hello,
I really appreciate your service. I wonder about your sincereness because this is free site. Thanks again.
I have to write a descriptive essay about " Describe a day at the mall from the standpoint of someone with kids and someone without"

Can you please give some introductory ideas about this topic.
should I write in third person view in a moving vantage point?
Shall I write positive and negative sides of someone with kids and without like sad or happy mood?
I lookforward your reply.

Thanks
Newworld.



EF_Team5Threads: -
Posts: 2,649
Author: Gloria, EssayForum.com
   
Jun 11, 2008, 05:28pm   #2
Good afternoon.

In regards to your question about viewpoint, it depends on what you are most comfortable with. The most important thing about it is that you are consistent throughout your text; be very careful about slipping from first person into third. Pick one and stay with it.
In regards to writing pros and cons, again that depends on what you are comfortable with. It seems like the instructor wants you to concentrate on putting yourself in someone else's shoes and rely on your imagination to describe how he or she feels with their newfound freedom or constraints, respectively. If you can effectively weave the good and bad points about both sides, then by all means try it; see how it works out. If you're not comfortable with the outcome, scrap it and start over.
Start out brainstorming a rough draft and see where it goes; you'll have a better idea of where you can take the essay after a rough draft is created. Once you have a rough draft, you can post it here and I can go through it for you.

Good luck!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com


newworldThreads: 9
Posts: 35
Author: pooja
   
Jun 12, 2008, 07:34pm   #3
Hello Gloria,
Thanks for your ideas. I wrote the essay. But I need some suggetions that
Does this essay have enough description?
Am I into the essay topic or out of topic?
Do I need to add some other details?
how about the conclusion?
I look forward your reply.

Thanks again
Newworld.

On the outside of Wood field Mall lines after lines of cars are parked in the gigantic parking lots. It's not that noisy but every once in a while you hear the beeping of a car alarm. The sliding glass doors swish open as I step near them. As I walk in to the inside, the volume of sound changes. I can hear people chattering and kids screaming. The pitter patter feet on the tile floor make echoes through the mall. I also hear the crinkle of bags and jingle of purses; a happy child with a new toy; smell the mixed food aroma from restaurants; hear someone laugh out loud; look bright signs advertising things; some kids dragged along, not wanting to be there. Other decorations remind me of the season and why I am there. Overall walking, talking, and laughing people! People! Everywhere people.
It was a busy Saturday afternoon, visiting the mall is quite an experience for kids. It's a place where they can snack, see movies, ride escalators, enjoy holiday shows and socialize with peers. They ice skated. They ate in the food court, tried on clothes, listened to new music, and threw pennies in the fountain. Some of them brought their roller blades and zipped through the cool, dark parking lots until security threw them out.
I observed most families with kids, went to the kids clothing stores like carters and children's place, I also hear the nice piece of music when open the door. cashier greets everybody; bright colors and sales tags everywhere; racks are organized by stylish and high quality clothes and are arranged by designs and colors .while parents does the sale hunting kids mess the shopping too.
Next stop is the toy store. This is kids' most favorite part. No one miss the word from the toys "please try me". Different kinds of toys are there such as Mrs. Potato Heads, remote-control turbo cars, Barbie hot tubs, Hula-hoops, jungle gyms, G.I. Joes, video games and plain old pinwheels. Part Monster, Part Human and More... When I was a kid, people were people and machines were machines. Some adults were overwhelmed, not just by the variety, but by the toys themselves, like composite creatures that looked part monster, part soldier, part computer and part human. But an hour inside the store somehow changes the experience. Eyes glaze over. Parents become cranky. Finally kids pick their toys.
Stepping inside to the food court, the first thing that hits me is the sound. It crashes over me, engulfing me, drawing me in. I step closer, into the midst of it. In the mean time, I smell the mixed greasy aromas, together in one heavy, thick smell that crawls into my pores. It is a clean bright, modern decorative indoor place. People carry fries, Chinese chicken, and pizzas as well, and some of them bite juicy burgers. To my left sit a young couple, anxiously feeding their toddler chicken nuggets dipped in tomato sauce. The two year old cries and whines because of crankiness. The group of young people to my right are laughing, shouting and flirting. However, some people especially with kids dine out the restaurant such as "rainforest cafe". The restaurant is decorative like a rainforest and has apes, elephants and alligators and snakes hanging in the tree and they are making noises. It is very fantastic place to take the children.
The most interesting thing for kids is indoor play yard constructed of soft foam material. It consisting of a grand entrance facade, climbers, slides, tunnels, a play wall, shoe keepers and parent seating. And other interesting thing is carousel. Across from where I sat was the carousel. When it would start up a slight breeze would hit me lightly lifting my hair. You can hear the sound of the carousel going around and around, playing the typical amusement park music, making you feel like you're at the fair. The carousel sparkles with little lights that are pleasing to the eye. The beauty of it is just striking. The horses go up and down as it goes around and around. Each horse has different detailed designs making each one stand out from the others. Every time a parent walks by, their kids beg for permission to go on a ride. When they don't get there way they drag their feet and pout as mom or dad is struggling to keep calm while pulling their child through the mall. A little girl holding a giraffe asks for a ride with here eyes gleaming with anticipation. Other children anxiously wait for there turn to ride. They form a line trying their best to contain their excitement and stand still. When they finally get on, they smile from ear to ear.
Adults without kids, using the mall for their dating place. The moments of heart smiles include watching couples walking along hand in hand. The mall lounge is one of a hangout place to find a date for teenagers. Most of them see movie with their dates. Some of them walk around a large enclosed space to get exercise. while I walk see some teenagers and middle age women having their manicure and pedicure in the mall. Overall people with kids or without kids are all enjoying, relaxing, exercising and having fun in the mall.


EF_Team5Threads: -
Posts: 2,649
Author: Gloria, EssayForum.com
   
Jun 13, 2008, 09:53am   #4
Good morning :)

Here are my suggestions:

"On the outside of Wood field Is this one word? If not, Field should be capitalized also. Mall line after line of cars are parked in the gigantic parking lots. It's not that noisy but every once in a while you hear the beeping of a car alarm. The sliding glass doors swish open as I step near them. As I walk inside, the volume of sound changes. I can hear people chattering and kids screaming. The pitter-patter of feet on the tile floor echoes through the mall. I also hear the crinkle of bags and jingle of purses; a happy child with a new toy; I smell the mixed food aromas from restaurants; I hear someone laugh out loud; I see bright signs advertising things. Some kids are dragged along, not wanting to be there. Other decorations remind me of the season and why I am there What do you mean? What season? Is it the holidays? Summer break? You might want to set the season out in the parking lot. If it's snowing, if it's hot, etc. . Overall walking, talking, and laughing people! People! Everywhere people.
It is You are writing in the present tense; keep it that way. If you want to switch to past tense, you'll have to go back and make those changes in the beginning of the essay. Choose a tense and stay there through your whole essay. a busy Saturday afternoon, visiting the mall is quite an experience for kids. It's a place where they can snack, see movies, ride escalators, enjoy holiday shows, and socialize with peers. They ice skate. They eat in the food court, try on clothes, [/font] to new music, and thr[font#FF0000] pennies in the fountain. Some of them bring their roller blades and zip through the cool, dark parking lots until security throws them out.
I observe that most families with kids go to the kids clothing stores like Carter's and Children's Place , I also hear a nice piece of music when I open the door. A cashier greets everybody; bright colors and sales tags are everywhere; racks are organized by stylish and high quality clothes and are arranged by designs and colors. While parents go "sale hunting", kids mess the racks too.
Next stop is the toy store. This is kids' favorite part; they never miss the temptation of "Please Try Me" from the toys. Different kinds of toys are there such as Mrs. Potato Heads, remote-control turbo cars, Barbie hot tubs, Hula-hoops, jungle gyms, G.I. Joes, video games, and plain old pinwheels. Part Monster, Part Human and More... When I was a kid, people were people and machines were machines. Some adults are overwhelmed, not just by the variety, but by the toys themselves; composite creatures that looked part monster, part soldier, part computer, and part human. An hour inside the store somehow changes the mall experience. Eyes glaze over. Parents become cranky. Finally kids pick their toys.
Stepping inside to the food court, the first thing that hits me is the sound. It crashes over me, engulfing me, drawing me in. I step closer, into the midst of it. In the mean time, I smell the mixed greasy aromas, together in one heavy, thick smell that crawls into my pores. It is a clean, bright, modernly decorated indoor place. People carry fries, Chinese chicken, and pizzas as well; others bite juicy burgers. To my left sit a young couple, anxiously feeding their toddler chicken nuggets dipped in tomato sauce. The two year old cries and whines because of crankiness. The group of young people to my right are laughing, shouting, and flirting. However, some people, especially those with kids dine out at the restaurant known as The Rainforest Cafe. The restaurant is decorated like a rainforest and has apes, elephants, alligators, and snakes hanging in the tree; they make noises. It is very fantastic place to take the children.
The most interesting thing for kids at the mall is the indoor play yard constructed of soft foam material. It consists of a grand entrance facade, climbers, slides, tunnels, a play wall, shoe keepers, and parent seating. Another interesting thing is the carousel; it is across from where I sit. When it starts up a slight breeze hits me lightly, lifting my hair. I hear the sound of the carousel going around and around, playing the typical amusement park music, making me feel like I'm at the fair. The carousel sparkles with little lights that are pleasing to the eye. The beauty of it is just striking. The horses go up and down as it goes around and around. Each horse has different detailed designs making each one stand out from the others. Every time a parent walks by, their kids beg for permission to go on a ride. When they don't get there way they drag their feet and pout as mom or dad struggles to keep calm while pulling their child through the mall. A little girl holding a giraffe asks for a ride with her eyes gleaming with anticipation. Other children anxiously wait for there turn to ride. They form a line trying their best to contain their excitement and stand still. When they finally get on, they smile from ear to ear.
Adults without kids use the mall for their dating place. The moments of heart smiles include watching couples walking along hand in hand. The mall lounge is one of a hangout place to find a date for teenagers. Most of them see movies with their dates. Some of them walk around a large enclosed space to get exercise. While I walk I see some teenagers and middle aged women having their manicures and pedicures in the mall. Overall people with kids or without kids are all enjoying, relaxing, exercising, and having fun in the mall."

You do have a very descriptive essay here. My concern is that it is not describing both sides. The subject, as you posted it, is to write about a trip to the mall from the viewpoint of someone with kids and someone without them. I'm assuming that you didn't have kids on your trip :) with that said, it sounds like the other half of this essay is to write it from the viewpoint of one of those parents whose children are dragging them around the mall.
Make sure you stick with one tense and perspective throughout your essay; you slip from third into first, past into present, periodically throughout the paper. First person present tense is tricky, and if you choose to keep it, make sure you stay there throughout.

The conclusion seems a bit abrupt, but if you add in the second element of the viewpoint of the person with kids, you'll have more material to rework that ending.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com


newworldThreads: 9
Posts: 35
Author: pooja
   
Jun 13, 2008, 02:36pm   #5
Hello Gloria
Thanks for your micro care. I really apriceate your help. I will follow your points.

Thanks again
Newworld.


EF_Team5Threads: -
Posts: 2,649
Author: Gloria, EssayForum.com
   
Jun 13, 2008, 08:41pm   #6
You are very welcome. Good luck.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com




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