AP Literature; THESIS STATEMENT & Introduction

I had to write an essay to get into AP Literature last year Now I have to correct it this year
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THe topic was who was characterized more in a passage. Her is what I have written. HOw should I correct it if it even needs correcting.
Thanks


In the passage, Harriet Smith's physical features are expressed in detail and minute facets of Emma's appearance are stated. With careful reading however, Emma's character is described far more than Harriet's. Through characterization we get a good feel for both girls, but in two totally different ways. Emma is characterized through her own personal thoughts and opinions, which lead to a better overall understanding of who she is as a person. With Harriet, we are only introduced with her appearance, getting no insight into her personality. The language and condemning tone toward Emma clearly show her personality while with Harriet we only get to visualize her outer self

Greetings!

I think you've done a good job of pointing out the distinction between the two very different ways the women are characterized. I don't know what sort of word limit you might be working with, but if you have room, you might give just a brief quotation for both, demonstrating the difference, to further bolster your position. Usually, specifics are preferable to generalities, as a means of supporting a position.

I hope this is helpful!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com