I realize it is only the outline, yet it will be graded and it is worth 100 pts. My topic is Equal Opportunity: Gender, culture, and equality in the workplace and my thesis statement's three key points are understanding employee rights, comprehending the meaning of discrimination in the work arena, and the multiple laws we have in place to protect us and enforce equality in the workplace.
I also am aware that there are techniques when beginning an Introduction, and although it was not required to actually have written the Introduction prior to doing the outline, it is an assignment to write a rough draft on one of the key points from the thesis statement.
I have also been playing around with the Introduction to get ideas for the outline.
My dilemma is:
If I. is Introduction and
A. Is a catchy audience getter and
B. Is background information based on the thesis statement which is
C. Thesis Statement
Then what am I doing wrong, or how can I improve?
Example:
I. Introduction
A. Individuals are experiencing situations in the workplace leaving them baffled and confused, wondering what right another person has to treat them so unfair!
B. Understanding the differences between contracts, employee handbooks,wage and labor laws, as well as unjust practices that are legal and those that are not, are imperative to know in an effort to ensure a healthy, safe and fair work environment to all Americans.
C. Many individuals are unaware of their rights as an employee and do not fully understand the meaning of discrimination, so multiple laws have been put into place to protect employees and enforce equal opportunity in the workplace. (Thesis Statement)
I am feeling comfortable with this, but would like some feedback and suggestions if I am not going in a good direction. My instructor suggested I do not use a statement or quote in the intro, however I read that that was one of the techniques. (?) Leaving me a bit confused, or I am misunderstanding what he trying to suggest, he says in B. make a "point not a statement".
A would be interesting if it was more specific. Can you give a scenario that SHOWS what you mean instead?
B Understanding of concepts, such as the differences between subtleties of contracts, employee handbooks, wage and labor laws, and the difference between unjust practices that are legal and those that are not, is imperative to know in an effort to for ensuring a healthy, safe, and fair work environment to all Americans.
C. A thesis statement is supposed to be arguable. That means you are supposed to assert something that some other people might disagree with. If your thesis statement is a statement of the obvious, the whole essay is sort of meaningless. HOWEVER, this is an informative essay, so forget I said that! Yes, actually, it is a good thesis statement. Like the opening line, though, it could be better with more specificity. Can you be more specific?
:)
