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Thesis Statement Critique/Review - Anthropology (Introduction of the plough)


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Mar 14, 2010, 04:32pm   #1
Hello all,

Let me start off by letting you guys know that my writing skills aren't very good to begin with. Just a fact I've come to recognize with time.

Here's a thesis statement I wrote for an anthropology essay I'm starting, you are suppose to choose a human adaptive strategy and discuss its relevant dimensions as well as its advantages/disadvantages.

Let me know what you think:

"One of the most meaningful and recognized adaptive strategies in the transition from horticulture to intensive agriculture is the introduction of plough technology among humans. The introduction of the plough allowed for a number of distinguishing changes across numerous dimensions. Technological, political, ecological, social and biological advantages and disadvantages began to appear, showing us how truly revolutionary the introduction of plough technology affected human society across the globe."

It's a start hopefully, very open to criticism/restructering it. I'm here to learn!

Thanks again!

Mar 15, 2010, 02:16am   #2
Is the whole thing you put there the thesis statement or only the first sentence? I was taught to have your thesis statement only 1 sentence long. If the whole thing is your thesis try to sum it up in one sentence
jegues:
my writing skills aren't very good to begin with. Just a fact I've come to recognize with time.

What does that even mean!? It's okay for someone, like me, to recognize that he has a poor sense of direction, for example, but with writing, how can you say your skills are not good? We come up with words differently on different days. Also, our writing seems different to different people on different days.

Anyway, you can come up with something rhythmic and excellent.

Thee only error I find here is this:
Technological, political, ecological, social and biological advantages and disadvantages began to appear, showing us how truly revolutionary the introduction of plough technology was for affected human society across the globe."
How revolutionary ----- the introduction was.

This is a good thesis. It proposes to explain the significance of plough technology. It seems solid to me.

:-)
Mar 15, 2010, 05:39pm   #5
EF_Kevin:
What does that even mean!? It's okay for someone, like me, to recognize that he has a poor sense of direction, for example, but with writing, how can you say your skills are not good? We come up with words differently on different days. Also, our writing seems different to different people on different days.


Well said Kevin. It's just that my personal experience with essays, and any writing in particular has always been something I've struggled with.

I visited with my professor again today, and I'm going to keep this as a preliminary thesis statement for now and rework it as I continue to the develop the body of my essay.

Perhaps I'll update this thread with the updated version in due time.

Thanks again!
Yep, I hear you. And even as I was typing that the other day, I was thinking to myself that I know I have topics that I feel I'm just generally bad it: spacial relations, automotive maintenance, anything electronic, chemistry. And Gardner's famous work with "multiple intelligences" supports the idea that some people will be better at certain things than others.

Nevertheless, you should stay on the lookout for those moments when you think of the perfect way to explain something!

Good luck with this project! I look forward to seeing more of it if you decide to share it.



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