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Personal narrative about an experience from high schoolabout an experience


zaq12 1 / -  
Mar 12, 2009   #1
I was assigned to write a personal narrative about an experience from high school.
I could really use some help with organization and would love to have someone proofread it for me.
I have obviously not finished, but I really need to go to sleep and would just like some outside feedback as soon as possible

My heart was pounding, my palms were sweaty and I had begun to feel sick. I could feel everyone's eyes on my back as the sound of my footsteps resounded through the gym. I could see him sitting at his table looking over wrestling statistics and, he had not looked up yet. Thoughts and emotions churned inside my head, turning my mind a tangled mass. I could no longer think straight, all I could do was keep walking forward. Why was I making such a big deal out of it? My task was simple, all I had to do was say, "Coach Carr, I quit"

It was only my third year on the wrestling team, but I was done. When I first started I thought it was the greatest thing in the world, my perfect sport. I used to have fun, and love the feeling of accomplishment I got after every practice. Eventually, My enthusiasm began to wear. It was a slow process, I cant really pinpoint when it started but my dislike grew to the point when I hated every moment of practice and di everything I could to get out of it., I didn't even enjoy matches anymore which were supposed to be my goal, now I was faced with this decision

And it was not easy, at one point I was halfway across the gym floor, He hadn't looked up. I could still turn back, Each step became harder as I thought about leaving. It would be so easy. I could walk away and simply avoid him until everyone forgot I had ever been on the team.

I could deal with physical exhaustion, and the ridiculous amounts of time that II gave up for wrestling but What really made up my mind was When I asked myself "Who am I doing this for?" I could no longer convince mysel that winning a state championship was worth the effort. I didn't think were the ring and the patch really worth it

This single event changed everything about me, I thought but I quit became a very common word in my vocabulary, If I couldn't see a point to wrestling, how many other things were there that I didn't want to do, and it only went downhill from there. I have always been lazy, and loved to procrastinate, but for the first time I let

of course I have more time to think and learn, I can relax and enjoy things I hadn't before but I soon realized that my free time wasn't as great without anything to compare it to
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Mar 12, 2009   #2
You seem to be off to a good start. The last couple of paragraphs are clearly incomplete, and so I'll wait until you have finished them to comment. Just make sure that you don't drift too far into expository analysis of the incident. A bit of reflection is okay, but if the assignment asks for a narrative, then the bulk of your essay should be, well, narrative, with a focus on telling a story.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Mar 13, 2009   #3
Yes, the beginning is awesome! The essay needs something added, though. It would be good to add somthing that IS meaningful as wrestling loses it's meaning. It would be good to add some "moral" to the story. I think it is looking great and I can't wait to see how it ends. Was it really that you did not want to exert the effort, or had you become preoccupied with another interest?

Also, I see some capital letters thrwon in where they do not belong... so be careful of little typos.

If you conclude with an explanation of what you learned about yourself, take a key word from that explanation and use it in the first paragraph, too. That will make the essay integrated, from start to finish.


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