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Essay "The Library is a Shed of Knowledge"


answers: 3
May 24, 2009, 11:03pm   #
Please check it for me

Library is shed of knowledge because there we can find some books that full of knowledge. All of people free to go there to find the knowledge. But, on the other hand many people say that library is the boring place and even the scary place because so many books which are arranged there. Many libraries in Indonesia that can be found by us, but back to ourselves. Do we want to go there to read? Consciousness to read is needed very much because by reading we can know all things about the world. There we also can know about the people who give influence in this world. But in this time, many people are not interested to go to the library. Is this the mistake from visitors? Or there is no anticipation from the holder of the library, such as about the library and also about the book there who have to complete, and also the librarian also have to be made be nice. Actually, we want to change our mind fast, but it is difficult, but we can do day by day. We have to start something from our own self. Then, we can give motivation to other people. Likewise, about socialization of library, we have to accustom reading for filling our free time. If we already had hobby to read, so we will feel that there is something lose when don't read in one day. On the other hand, government also have to make effort to build the library that have good quality. Since visitors will be interested to come to read. As we know, we find many libraries that have book that not complete now. The government have to be more careful in handling this problem. Books have to be attended. In the library have to be new edition books, so the visitors will be more interested to come to the library. Then, the library have to be comfort, so the consentration of the visitors not be brake. If we do this solution, so not impossible our nation will have smart society to develop our nation toward better. Moreover, the books are too expensive, so we can take the other way to look for the knowledge by borrowing some books in library. Consciousness that we have for reading and good contribution from government to fix the library can make ourselves to be better, so library is not to be the boring and scary place for all of us.

May 25, 2009, 06:30am   #
Septi,

You posted this under "poetry." I moved it to essays.

I like the ideas in this essay very much, but the phrasing of your ideas is often awkward or incorrect. You will want to continue to study sentence structure and verb tenses.

Since it is an essay, you will want to break it into paragraphs, indicating the start of each new paragraph by indentation or double-spacing.

You start by saying that a library is a shed of knowledge. In English, "shed," is generally used to mean a small, rough building. It's not the word you want to use for a library, which houses a wealth of knowledge. Use a thesaurus to find a better word and then -- this is most important so that you do not use a word mistakenly -- look up the chosen word in an English dictionary, reading all of the definitions. In this way, in this way you can make sure to use a word that means what you intend to say.

Your sentences are sometimes awkwardly phrased, and this sometimes makes it difficult for me to know what you mean. For example, you ask, "Is this the mistake from visitors?" I am not at all sure what you mean.

You do best when you use short sentences. You sometimes get tangled up in longer sentences. For example:
Or there is no anticipation from the holder of the library, such as about the library and also about the book there who have to complete, and also the librarian also have to be made be nice.

There, you are trying to say too much in a single sentence.

Below, I am going to rewrite a short passage from your essay to demonstrate the kinds of changes you will need to make.

Your version:
If we already had hobby to read, so we will feel that there is something lose when don't read in one day. On the other hand, government also have to make effort to build the library that have good quality. Since visitors will be interested to come to read. As we know, we find many libraries that have book that not complete now. The government have to be more careful in handling this problem. Books have to be attended. In the library have to be new edition books, so the visitors will be more interested to come to the library. Then, the library have to be comfort, so the consentration of the visitors not be brake.


My suggested revision:
We must develop the habit of reading, so that we feel something is missing if we let a day pass without reading. Government also must make the effort to build libraries that have good quality, so that visitors will want to come to read. At present, many of the books in our libraries are damaged or incomplete. The government must be more careful in handling this problem. Books must be cared for correctly. Libraries must have new editions of books, so the visitors will be more interested to come to the library. The library has to be comfortable, so that the concentration of the visitors will not be broken.
May 28, 2009, 11:43pm   #
It would also help if you were to demonstrate your general points with specific examples. You have written an entire essay on the importance of libraries without mentioning a single specific book title, or even a single specific topic that libraries can help us research. Abstract ideas are like pieces of paper put on desk near a window -- they are apt to go whirling about chaotically unless firmly pinned down by things with more heft, in this case, concrete examples.
Jun 10, 2009, 08:33pm   #
I would like to read how someone can find a book at the library or how the library is organized. What attract people at the library? Or what libraries need to do to help population. I like this topic!



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