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"The High Price of Materialism" - Introduction Help


Christinasha07 1 / 10  
Dec 8, 2010   #1
I need help restructuring my introduction, especially the bold sentences.

Material objects shouldn't be the central interest in a person's life, as Tim Kasser explains in his article "The High Price of Materialism". Materials damages relationships and shouldn't be the basis of creating new ones. The pursue of materials cause depression, anxiety and health problems because of the effort needed to earn them. Materials don't guarantee happiness; as it is falsely portrayed in the media. Materialism prevents people from living a fulfilling life because their main concern is on earning materials instead of valuing their relationships and well-beings.
thadmoore 1 / 2  
Dec 9, 2010   #2
A few suggestions:
-It might be more effective if you begin the essay with a direct quotation from Kasser's article to draw readers in right off the bat.

-I've also made a few changes to avoid awkward wording. I'd use these only as suggestions and jumping-off points; take them with a grain of salt.

Material objects shouldn't be the central interest in a person's life, as Tim Kasser explains in his article "The High Price of Materialism". Materialism damages relationships and shouldn't be the basis of creating new ones. The pursuit of material goods can cause depression, anxiety and health problems as a result of the effort exerted in acquiring them. Materials don't guarantee happiness, however, despite false portrayals in the media. Materialism prevents people from living fulfilling lives because their main concern is on earning material goods instead of valuing their relationships and well-beings.

Best of luck with your paper!
OP Christinasha07 1 / 10  
Dec 9, 2010   #3
thadmoore
Thank you! Your suggestions were very helpful.
abhijitroy 2 / 5  
Dec 9, 2010   #4
thadmoore's suggestions are solid.

However, i suggest you go with:

Contrary to the media's false portrayals, materials do not guarantee happiness.


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