I am task with writing an exemplification essay describing a time when I was completely misunderstood and what I did to correct how I was perceived. I am fortunate enough in that I have been changing myself over the last few years. Here is my introduction:
The great communicator
Arrogant, overbearing, aloof, domineering, abrasive, and demanding - words I had heard before were being used to describe me again. I was hearing the results of an employee survey, and those words and others like them were being used to describe me again. I say again because my daughters had used similar words to describe me in a counseling session, only months prior to that meeting with human resources. It was clear to me that day two years ago that I had to change the way I delivered my message, expectations, and goals to others. I have admittedly been a results-orientated person and the goal had been all that mattered to me, but in delivering my message I was hurting my relationship with my daughters or alienating those who reported to me.
It all started four years ago when I was offered a new position at work, with the expectation that I was to make a cultural change in the teams. The teams had been delivering world class numbers within our industry, but with out utilizing processes or procedures, something required by our company. I am a task driven person the goal, and getting there in the shortest, most efficient way is all that mattered to me. My instructions to the teams were clear that prior to completing any task they were to document the steps required to complete the task. Some of them did not like what I was asking them to do, but I did not feel the need to explain the simple instructions. The business unit was assigned some specialized projects to complete. I quickly understood these projects and assumed that everyone else had understood them also and would act upon the instructions. When I found out the projects were not going to be completed on time I asked if they were able to follow simple directions, and then completed the projects on my own.
My daughters moved from their mother's home in Nevada to live with my wife and me in Texas. While they had lived with their mother they did not have the guidelines and structure we provide in our home, they had been allowed to stay up all hours of the night. My rules were very clear that bedtime at our house was no later than nine o'clock on week nights. I saw no need to explain neither my rules nor the reasons to children. Another rule in our home was to do all assigned school work; my wife would check the online grades daily. On the occasions that work was late or missing the offender was grounded for the weekend. I did not see the need to explain why assignments should have been turned in on time, nor did I accept excuses. I believe that children need structure and getting that structure in their life was my only goal.
Because we had not lived together full time for many years I started counseling sessions with my daughters. Soon after starting I was ask to wait in the lobby or outside. I assumed this meant I had no problems to work on. You can imagine my surprise when I was brought back in and told that I was responsible for most of the communication problems we were experiencing. My daughters thought that I was abrasive, demanding and unreasonable. The counselor explained that as children they needed to know why I enforced the structured life we lived so they could understand. Through joint sessions I came to understand and practice how to guide my children in manner conducive to them.
When the results of the company wide employee survey came out I was shocked to hear that my name was mentioned specifically in a negative connotation. I had really enjoyed my role in driving the cultural change in our organization and had gotten great accolades for doing so. I could not understand how my coworkers described me as abrasive or aloof. I was told that I must change the manner in which I communicated with people. A few of my coworkers were willing to discuss the matter with me in detail. As we discussed my communication skills, it was apparent that they had needed more detail and further discussion, not just the goal. I had never taken the time to explain the projects, because I had assumed that people were knowledgeable about the project. Applying the tools I had learned in counseling I started to rebuild my relationships at work. I began taking more time explaining the needs and background for completing projects; this has allowed me to meet the communication needs of my coworkers.
It has been both rewarding and difficult changing the way I communicate in a manner that meets everyone's needs. With the help of my children, counselor and the feedback from my coworkers I have slowly become a more effective leader both in my professional and personal life. I find that I still struggle waiting for others to understand the reasoning behind some of my decisions but I also reap the rewards of a more willing team. In changing the manner in which I communicate with people I have changed their perception of me.
Thank You, John
Arrogant, overbearing, aloof, domineering, abrasive, and demanding -- words that I had heard before were being used to describe me once more. I was hearing the results of an employee survey, and those words and others like them were being used to describe me again. I say again because my daughters had used similar words to describe me in a counseling session, only months prior to that meeting with human resources. It was clear to me that day two years ago that I had to change the way I delivered my message, expectations, and goals to others. I have admittedly been a results-oriented person whose only concern is the achievement of goals, but in delivering my message I was hurting my relationship with my daughters or alienating those who reported to me.
Yes, I would say you are off to a good start.
Were you misunderstood, or were you mistaken? maybe a little of both. I am the same way, and although I know my subtlety could stand to be improved, I also know that my drive to get things done is what keeps me playing the role of the money-earner... keeps me able to help the people who get upset with my tunnel vision approach to productivity. It's hard to accomplish all that needs to be done, generally. When people "misunderstand" a leader, it is because they have the luxury of not having to be held accountable. It seems that if you successfully present this as a way you were misunderstood, you will have to say it was because the people under your leadership did not know the facts. After all, were you mistaken, or not?
Does that even make sense? I mean, what I wrote above. I am trying to say that a misunderstood leader is misunderstood often because of the faulty perspectivees of the followers, in which case you might end up looking conceited or bitter by the time the essay is over.
What was the misunderstanding?
Good luck!!!!!
i think you are on the right track. this is a good introduction to your essay. but i hope you'll be finishing it soon and posting it here so that we can see the whole picture and not be confused like the moderator.=D
Ha ha, please be advised that in my previous post I had accidentally thought you were supposed to write about a time you were "misunderstood," rather than a time you "changed." Ha ha, misunderstood again! This time by me!
Yes, it is looking like a great essay...
I have changed, but only my presentation and never my drive or goal orientated way of working. I just got my review and it went well with many positive comments on my change. The worst or best is yet to come I am scheduled for a 360 degree feedback session..
Thank You all for your comments and help I will repost when I finish up the next 500-600 words.
John
Well John, this is a piece of well-written work.
My advice for you to become an effective leader at home/ work: Learn to be flexible and choose the right social power to apply in different condition. Communication is always the best way to establish a strong relationship.
Good Luck!
While they had lived with their mother they did not have the guidelines and structure we provide in our home; they had been allowed to stay up all hours of the night. (run-on sentence, so I added a semi-colon.)
Maybe include how old your daughters are when you first mention them.
rewarding and difficult to change the way...
assumed that people were knowledgeable about them .
has enabled me to meet the communication needs of my coworkers.
Perhaps you could shorten the section about your philosophy on parenting and cut out the sentence about believing that kids need structure (it is clear that you believe that as soon as you mention that your ex does not provide it). Shorten the assertion of your beliefs, because that sort of assertion seems to suggest that you are still as opinionated and rigid as ever, ha ha. LENGTHEN the section about deciding to change... and talk about overcoming your perfectionism, overcoming your rigidity. I am not trying to be critical, just to give you my impression of the essay. For example, when you say "meet the communication needs of my co-workers" it sounds like you still have not accepted the fact that greater effectiveness comes with a careful balance of strictness and tactfulness; it sounds like you still are talking about how best to handle people, rather than about how you became a bit more humble and wise.
If you do not want to use the humble approach that I expected after reading the start of the essay... you will have to use some humor, I guess, to soften it up. :)
Points well taken <fighting the urge to defend myself ;o)> I will see what I can do about your suggestions. I am struggling to word how I have softened my approach with out compromising or lowering my standards. The teams responded favorably to the change in my delivery and have meet all of my expectations..
Does this sound better "I began taking more time explaining the needs and background for completing projects; this has enabled me to meet the needs of my coworkers. They had always been willing to do the work but they needed to understand the why."
Thank You, John
Separate the 2 halves of a compound sentence with a comma:
They had always been willing to do the work, but they needed to understand the why.
Haha, you don't need to defend anything, you're great. The reason I went on at such length is because I can SO relate to your situation... especially lately! I only told you that stuff as my genuine reaction to the way you worded the stuff, not because I think you necessarily are, like, what was it that I was just called earlier today... strongheaded! Someone just called me that a few hours ago, and I vehemantly objected, denying that I was strongheaded and refusing to budge even a little bit on the issue.
Ha hahaa... the truth is, people are crazy. All of us. That's what I think. So, if you develop the ability to self-regulate, you end up playing the role of the bad guy. Anyway, good luck with this!!!
This essay has a lot of potential to be very funny. You can say that the way you changed was to start being a little more subtle about getting people to do what they are supposed to do... I am not particularly witty right now, but if I was I could suggest a few lines for the last para that make it funny and charming. Just make sure the reader sees that you have great self-awareness, and because the theme is something like.. developing sensitivity and humility... it is good to use some humor if possible. What is the word I am looking for? Self-defecating? hahaha
