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(AUBG education) - How to continue this essay?


frotyu 1 / 2  
Mar 8, 2012   #1
Can anyone help me with this pls??
Assignment:"How an AUBG education will broaden your global perspective and cultivate your capacity?"

My essay:

Business and computer related fields of study have profound significance and application. That's why I long to pursue degrees in business and information systems, which has intrigued and attracted me to the world of modern technology and global marketplace.

I have always wanted to have a career connected with business with the computer as my main tool. Strategic planning, data management and e-business are few of the core fundamentals of my chosen curriculums. The courses offered in AUBG will help me to develop my skills and knowledge for IT as well as business workplace. I want to dig deeper into specific spheres like decision support systems, enterprise resource planning, and supply chain management. Being interested in such areas requires teamwork and good communication skills
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Mar 8, 2012   #2
That's why I long to pursue degrees in business and information systems, which have intrigued and attracted me to the world of modern technology and the global marketplace.

I have always wanted to have a career connected with business, with the computer as my main tool.

Strategic planning, data management and e-businesses are a few of the core fundamentals of my chosen curriculums.

The courses offered in AUBG will help me to develop my skills and knowledge for IT as well as a business workplace.

:)
OP frotyu 1 / 2  
Mar 9, 2012   #3
Can you tell me what should I include next to my essay?
Thaliak - / 16  
Mar 10, 2012   #4
The question asks you to explain how attending AUBG will "broaden your global perspective" and "cultivate your capacity," so your essay needs to answer those questions. Since it's an admissions essay, you also want to show why you're a desirable student, someone who has the work ethic to succeed and the desire to impact other people in positive ways. Your first paragraph should provide background information and close with a sentence that summarizes your main points. For example, you might write something like:

Business and computer related fields have profound significance and application, so I long to pursue degrees in business and information systems. I have always wanted a career connected with business with the computer as my main tool. Strategic planning, data management and e-business are the core fundamentals of my chosen curriculums. I want to pursue these curriculums at AUBG because the courses offered there will give me a global perspective and increase my ability to impact others by exposing me to people and business practices from around the world, sharpening my teamwork and communication skills and allowing me to dig deeper into important technical subjects.

Notice that the introductory paragraph's final sentence has an overall point that directly addresses the assignment by referencing a global perspective and implying that AUBG will "cultivate your capacity" to impact others. Then the sentence presents three supporting arguments:

1. Going to AUBG will expose you to people and business practices from around the world.
2. Going to AUBG will sharpen your teamwork and communication skills.
3. Going to AUBG will allow you dig deeper into important technical subjects.

These arguments are only examples. I tried to come up with ones that fit with what you said in the initial paragraph, but you should use others if they're more appropriate to who you are and what you want to say.

From there, you should develop each of your supporting arguments in the order they're presented. So if you use the arguments above, you would start with a paragraph that explains how AUBG will expose you to people and business practices from around the world, then ties that to your overall argument that AUBG will give you a global perspective and increase your ability to impact others. The next paragraph would explain how AUBG will sharpen your teamwork and communication skills, then show how this is important by tying it to your overall argument. And the third would show how AUBG will help you dig deeper into the technical spheres you mentioned and explain why that's important by tying them to your overall argument. This structure should make it clear to the reader how going to AUBG will help you understand people from around the world and help them using your business acumen and information technology.

Ideally, you should close with a sentence or paragraph that summarizes your essay. For example, you might say, "By giving me a deeper understanding of these technical subjects, allowing me to practice working in teams and communicating with others, and exposing me to people from around the world, an AUBG education will give me the global perspective and skills to help other people using my knowledge of business and information technology."

Does this help? Do you have any other questions?
OP frotyu 1 / 2  
Mar 10, 2012   #5
Wow thanks a lot. Answered all my questions


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