True Friendship

Hello. This is my first draft on reflection friendship. please read it and tell me if it is okay. I know there are a lot of grammar mistake, sentence fragments. please help me correct them. thank you very much.

"Whosoever is delighted in solitude, is either a wild beast or a god" (Of Friendship 52). In our society, nobody can live without friends. Life without friendship is like a rose without rain. Life becomes more colorful when we have the true friendship. But what is friendship? I guess most of us are still in a puzzling state about what friendship is. Maybe some of us define friendship according our life experiences. Somehow different experiences make up different meaning of friendship for different people. I believe with different time, place, emotion and situation, we have different understanding of friendship. Friendship is about act; it is not a state of mind.

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A rose without rain isn't less colorful, as your next sentence implies, so much as dead.



Really? And yet can't most of us easily identify who we consider our friends, and even probably rank them in order of closeness (though doing so online might not be a good idea).



This so makes it sound as if your essay is going to be about what friendship means. And yet, that isn't the case until halfway through your essay.



Aha! Finally, your essay begins to actually deal with what you made it sound as if was going to deal with from the very beginning. I might even begin here. You could always move the stuff before it to the end if you really wanted to keep it. But a reflection on friendship should probably start by stating what the term means to you.

Okay, from this point on, your essay becomes considerably stronger. Mostly, you need to add some specific examples. You sort of do this near the end, but even your discussion of your own best friend manages to be fairly vague. Throw in some narrative anecdotes to demonstrate your points, and you should be able to develop a fairly solid second draft.

Our friendships is change as we grow up, especially during the teen years, which are a time of physical, emotional, and social growth and change.

For example, my best friend is the person with whom I feel most comfortable in the world (not including my family).

I agree with Sean that your essay grows stronger as it progresses. The description of your best friend is very touching, as is your conclusion. Go back and write your introduction with the same kind of specificity and feeling.

I'm a new member here...please pardon me if my post is over criticizing.

I saw some grammatic errors in this essay but the idea is very good. Alexbig can write many points associating with friendship and choosing friends. By the way, FYI Alexbig....you should more linkage words like....Moreover, furthermore, however, etc. between your sentences. This will help the reader more convenient to read your essay.

Members post their work specifically hoping for constructive criticism, so please do not apologize for giving that! Your suggestion about linking words is good. If you see specific grammatical errors, point them out!

Indeed. It is much better for people to learn what errors they have made here, before they hand it in to be marked or otherwise judged, than to find out after the fact.

okay :)

Thanks for feedback. This is my revised essay. Is my introduction better?

In our society, no one can live without friends. It would be a lonely and bored life without friend. Life becomes more beautiful when we have true friendship. But what is true friendship? True friendship comes from someone who always by our side. True friendship comes from someone who listens to what we have to say. However, different life experiences make up different meanings of friendship for different people. I believe a true friend can share our happiness and sorrow and is always with us to solve our problems and make us happy. Friendship is about action; it is not a state of mind. A true friend can support us while we are on the right path and can have the courage to stand in front of you when you are in the wrong way.
Our friendships change while we grow up, especially for teenagers. The teenage years are a time of physical, emotional, and social growth and change. As teenagers, we all want to make friends. The more the better because once other people see we have a lot of friends, they will think we are popular and envy us. When we are younger, our parents control us. We do not have time to make our own friends. As we grow up, our parents give us more free time. We start to make our own friends and like to hang out with them. In that time, we cannot figure out what are good friends or bad friends because of limited knowledge and life experience. Teenagers are easily influence by others and we grow up and graduate from schools, most of us may make friends and are very careful of whom we choose. Why do we start to choose friends? As we grow up, we start to realize what true friends are. We have more experiences in life. We know what kind of friends we need. When people are middle aged, they do not make many new friends. They do have a few best friends. Most of middle age people put their focus on their family. They don't have much time for friends. For example, like my parents, they spend most of their time on work and family. I see it happens in most families.
However we change, we all desire to have friends. In life everyone will meet many people that say that they are your friend but you will only make a few true friends. But what is a true friend? A friend who can always comfort us when we are alone and feel so lonely; a friend that comes all the way to lend his money to us when we need money; a friend dares to stand out to warn us that we should keep modest when we are proud; a friend is someone that will stand by you, even the toughest times. A true friend is very rare like diamonds.
A true friend doesn't just help us; he also should know us inside out and accept us for who we are. A true friend is someone that we can trust completely and utterly with anything. We all need someone with whom we can share our lives, thoughts, feelings and frustrations. We need to be able to share our deepest secrets with someone, without worrying that other people will know next day. "Because of our friendship, I have not concealed these things from you" (Bacon 54). When we find we must be careful how we say things, and then it is something other than friendship. We have to trust our feelings. Once we are uncomfortable with our friend and they don't respect us, we should start to think they are true friends or not. We don't need to know people for that long for them to be true friends, but we have to be comfortable with them and sharing everything. For example, my best friend is the person with whom I feel most comfortable in the world (not including my family). When I am with him, I don't need to worry about the silences that happen all the time with other people. He is not awkward either, he is comfortable with me. He also is the person I trust the most in my life with everything I have. I know that if I am in trouble or really need someone to talk to, even at two am in morning, he is happy to listen. A true friend is someone whom we don't have to worry about being courtesy. We can call our friend at any time and without any thought of time on our mind.
True friends never fade away, in fact, they grow better with time. True friendship comes so rarely, and without friendship, we are lost. Whatever happens, we should keep our true friends close to our heart, tell them how they are important to us and not let them slip away. If they do, go out and get them back.

Yes, I like your new introduction very much. You explain what you mean clearly and your tone is very sincere. I like the distinction between friendship as action and friendship as a state of mind, and I agree with you about that.

It would be a lonely and boring life without friends.

True friendship comes from someone who is always by our side.

However, different life experiences lead to different meanings of friendship for different people.

A true friend can support us while we are on the right path and can have the courage to stand in front of us when we are headed in the wrong direction.

You can still cut fairly ruthlessly from your new intro:

"In our society, no one can live without friends. It would be a lonely and bored life without friend. Life becomes more beautiful when we have true friendship. But what is true friendship? "

All of the above is so general and trite that it can be cut to the benefit of your essay.

"True friendship comes from someone who always by our side."

So no long distance friendships? Are you sure you really mean this?

"True friendship comes from someone who listens to what we have to say."

Again, I know what you mean, but as it stands what you have written doesn't really work. An inveterate enemy might listen to you very closely indeed, though with far more malicious motives than a true friend.

"However, different life experiences make up different meanings of friendship for different people."

And the generic triteness rears its verbose bulk once more.

"I believe a true friend can share our happiness and sorrow and is always with us to solve our problems and make us happy. Friendship is about action; it is not a state of mind. A true friend can support us while we are on the right path and can have the courage to stand in front of you when you are in the wrong way."

Ah, and now you actually have something meaningful to say. So why not start here?

I think that in some ways you are limiting the types of friendships there are, but I do like that you have a few sincere statements that most people will be able to understand.

I think your revised essay is quite good. However, I am really confused with this. You said,"As we grow up, our parents give us more free time. We start to make our own friends and like to hang out with them. In that time, we cannot figure out what are good friends or bad friends because of limited knowledge and life experience." I think life experience doesn't depend much on "age". It relies on the life circumstances that person was in and how he overcame those. One encountering many hardships will be more mature. For example, a girl lost her family and had nowhere to live. Day by day, this girl wandered everywhere, saw many situations, many kinds of people... She understood all the behaviors of others, but she is still 12.

Well, that is my thought. Good luck!!!