Toefl writing about "agree or disagree"

subject:do you agree or disagree with using protecting areas of endangered animals for farming or factory.


As the development of the society, gathering number of fields are needed to be used for farming and industrial estate. For the development of economics, people even argued to use the protecting area of the endangered animals. However, they failed to realize that the uses of the protection area, which will, firstly, make the endangered animals losing their homes; in addition, harmfulness will it be for people's living environment. Therefore I can hardly assent to the behavior of using the protecting area for farming or industry. The following writing will clarify some of my point of view.
The first reason for my choice is that using the protecting areas for farming or factory will make the endangered animals die out and the valuable genes of the threatened species will be destroyed. Because the factories and farming lands will pollute the endangered animal's living environment, especially the chemical pollution of water which will undoubtedly result in the death of endangered animals, and the genes carried by the endangered animals will become extinct along with the death of animals. The dying out of sea mink is a great example to support this point of view. sea mink habitat in the stream and rivers dense forest, as people move the power house to the protecting area, water in this areas was polluted by the power house. The sea mink died out because of drinking polluted water. So if we built factory on thee protecting areas will bring chemical pollution into the environment for endangered animals and lead to extinction of endangered animals.
The reason above alone, however can not explain why we shouldn't use the protecting areas for factory or farming. Changing the protecting areas into business estates will have a terrible effect on the quantity of people's life, while reserve the protecting areas will supply a health environment for people to live. Because the air pollution, which is caused by the increasing number of industry and farming, cause the asthma of human beings. Recently according to the world health organization statistics demonstrate that 82.61% asthma are caused by chemical air pollution which is produced by the factories. On the contrary, most of the protecting areas are forest, which will produce oxygen, create a fresh air circumstance for people. So if we want to live a happy and healthy life, we should not use the protecting areas for business estates.
We can't deny that there are some advantage point of building factories and farming land on the protecting areas indeed. It will benefit economics development and still it will create more job opportunities. However, the economics progress can also depends on improving productivity, and job opportunities can also be offer in some other factories which do not built on the protecting areas.
In conclusion, changing the protecting areas of endangered animals into farming land and industrial park is not more valuable than keeping the areas for threatened animals.

As the development of the society, gathering number of fields are needed to be used for farming and industrial estate. For the development of economics, people even argued to use the protecting area of the endangered animals. However, they failed to realize that the uses of the protection area, which will, firstly, make the endangered animals losing lose their homes; in addition, harmfulness will it be for people's living environment. Therefore I can hardly assent to the behavior of using the protecting area for farming or industry. The following writing will clarify some of my point of views

I need some advices about the logic of the essay

You should write: ...use the protected areas... instead of "protecting areas."

And use a comma here:
...animals die out, and the valuable...

You asked about the logic of the essay, and the logic seems good. You make a good argument and back it up with an example. That is very good logic, and then, at the end, you reaffirm your point again:
In conclusion, changing the protected areas of endangered animals into farming land and industrial park is not more valuable than keeping the areas available for threatened animals.

Well done!!

thank you very much!!