TOEFL: First Work

Some people think that human needs for farmland ,housing and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals .Do you agree or disagree this point of view ?why or why not.Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Nowadays, there is a prevailing opinion that human needs for farmland, housing and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. People who disagree with the point dispute that the decreasing of land for endangered animals will bring damage to ecological balance. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the opinion human needs for farmland ,housing and industry are more important. The reasons are based on the following aspects.
First, land used for farmland, housing and industry can benefit more to the whole society. There is no deny that the economy of the whole society will be developed with the help of agriculture, real estate industry and industry , in particularly industry which is the pillar industry of national economy, because they produce plenty of profits. What is more, the society will be stable and harmony due to more farmland and industry. It is widely acknowledged that more farmlands and industries can provide more job opportunities which can decrease the unemployment rate and crime rate. Thus the needs for farmland, housing and industry are more important.
Second, farmland, housing and industry can satisfy the desire of human that living a better life. It is clearly understood that farming, housing and industry provide us the food we eat, place we live, clothes we wear, which are essential to live. Especially in some poor areas, survival is the most significant thing. In addition, highly developed agriculture and industry can improve our living conditions which allow us have a good quality life.
Last I want to mention is that even though farmland, housing and industry will occupy the land used for endangered animals, it can do good to protect the endangered animals. According to the discuss above, agriculture and industry make a contribution to the economy. With the economy development, we can have more advanced methods to take care of endangered animals. For instant, we can invent new technique to help endangered animals to produce offspring to be sure they would not distinct.
All in all, protecting endangered animals is necessary, nevertheless, human needs for farmland, housing and industry are more important .

jessica_zdk
_It is widely acknowledged that more farmlands and industries can provide more job opportunities which can decrease the unemployment (omit 'rate') and crime rate.
_ It is clearly understood that farming, housing and industry provide us the food we (-->to) eat, place we (-->to) live, clothes we(-->to) wear, which are essential to live.
_In addition, highly developed agriculture and industry can improve our living conditions which allow us have (--> to have) a good quality life.
_ Last (--> Finally) I want to mention (omit 'is') that even though farmland, housing and industry will occupy the land used for endangered animals, it can do good to protect the endangered animals.
_For instant (--> instance) , we can invent new technique to help endangered animals to produce offspring to be sure they would not distinct.

Hi,
include conclusion statements in Thesis paragraph too, so as to let the reader know, what the essay is about to explain in below paragraphs.

i think that you should not mention "protecting endangered animals is necessary". Your conclusion should focus strongly on that man needs farmland... than the necessity of protecting these animals. This will make your essay more persuasive.

People who disagree with this assertion point believe that...

The last point I want to mention is that even though...

Great work here... Thanks, everyone, for this great cooperation and generous help.

This essay is structured very clearly!! Even though you are still working to perfect your English, the way you write in English is already impressive!

Nowadays, there is a prevailing opinion that human needs for farmland, housing and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. People who disagreed with the point dispute that the decreasing of land for endangered animals will bring damage to break ecological balance. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the opinion human needs for farmland ,housing and industry are more important. The reasons are based on the following aspects.

First, land used for farmland, housing and industry can benefit more to the whole society. There is no deny that the economy of the whole society will be developed with the help support of agriculture, real estate industry and industry , in particularly manufacturing industry which is the pillar industry of modern civilization and national economy, because they produce plenty of profits. What is more, the resourceful society will be easy to provide more job opportunities and better income , thus the socity will be stable and harmony due to more farmland and industry It is widely acknowledged that more farmlands and industries can which can decrease the unemployment [s]rate [/s]and crime rate will be low. Thus the needs for farmland, housing and industry are more important.

Second, farmland, housing and industry can satisfy the desire of human that living a better life. It is clearly understood that farming, housing and industry provide us the food we for eatting, place we for live dwelling, clothes for wearing, which are essential primary demands to live. Especially in the poor areas which was short of natural resources , survival is the most significant thing. In addition, highly developed agriculture and industry save us from spenting most of time on struggling for basic living conditions;that allow us have time for studying and creating . a good quality life.

the last I want to mention is that even though farmland, housing and industry will occupy the land used for endangered animals, it such cost can do might take good to protect the endangered animals. According to the discuss above, agriculture and industry make a contribution to the economy. With the economy development, we can have support afford to the researching on more advanced methods to which is aimed to take care of endangered animals. For instant, we can invent new technique to help endangered animals to produce offspring to be sure they would not distinct.
All in all, rather than protecting endangered animals is necessary, nevertheless, human needs for farmland, housing and industry are more important .

For instance, we can invent new technique to help endangered animals to produce offspring to be sure they would not become extinct.