submitted my application - Read my E-mail.

Please read my E-mail and check for grammatical/ other errors.
This e-mail is REALLY important to me.
THANK YOU!!

*******************
Dear Ms. XXX,

My name is XXXX XXXX.
I submitted my application for UIUC on October 29.
My current high school, XXXXXX H.S., had already sent my transcript to you.
However, my previous school, XXXXXX H.S., had just put my transcript into the mail box today(Nov. 2),
therefore the postmark would probably be Nov. 3.
I hope the Burlingame transcript is not late for the my application.

Thank you.

Sincerely

I feel like instead of starting a new line every time you start a new sentence is sort of elementary maybe try joining it as a paragraph. That is just my opinion, if i were you, I would wait for other responses just to be sure.

Is there any sentence structure that I should change or any grammatical error that I should correct?
Any suggestion for the title of the e-mail?

I thought we can do by computers, but do we still send that to college? (all until 6th semester)

Hi there,

I agree with Palek, 1 paragraph is definitely optimal for this type of correspondence. Also, be careful with idiomatic expressions like 'into the mail box' ('in the mail' is the appropriate expression). Lastly, be sure to end with a positive note that shows your gratitude for their admissions guidance.

See below!

Cheers,
Brooke
Ivy Eyes Editing
www.ivyeyesediting.com

***

Dear Ms. XXX,

My name is XXXX XXXX, and I submitted my application for UIUC on October 29th. My current high school, XXXXXX H.S., has already sent my transcript to the UIUC Admissions Department. However, my previous high school, XXXXXX H.S., just placed my transcript in the mail today; therefore, the postmark will most likely be for November 3rd.

I hope the delay on the Burlingame transcript will not impact my application, but I wanted to make you aware of its status. Thank you in advance for your guidance and support!

Sincerely,
Your Name