Test 2 cambridge 6
Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.
Discuss both these views and give your own view,
In the modern society, sports has become more popular than ever before; as a result, there have been more and more young people decide to have a career in sports with desire to become a successful and famous professionals in sport and to be able to earn money. However, some people consider it unfair that sports professionals can earn much more money than others in others professions. In this essay, I will discuss both side of this issue.
On the on side, some people believe that professionals in some important fields deserve to get more money than in sports, and they have showed several reasons to approve their own opinions. For example, a technology professional can improve the life with their inventions and new high technological applications. A health professional can help their patients the way to achieve good health, get a better life, while sports professionals cannot do the same things.
On the other side, professionals in sport obviously deserve to have things what they are now able to have. First of all, sports professionals are people who are talents at sports, and the difference from others important professionals is kind of intelligence: a scientist who is intelligent at logic; a musician who is intelligent at music, and sports professional who is intelligent at sports. In addition, like other professionals, sports professionals also have to learn, practice to be able to become famous and earn lots of money. They also have to go to sports school, practice every day, experience many difficulties. In some sports, they even have to take high risk dangers. Moreover, their jobs also contribute to make the life better because sports is one of the most popular ways to relax for people.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that sports professionals are genius like others professional, and they deserve to be respected and be able to earn a great money.
The structure of your essay is clear but I think your points are pretty weak. Sportsmen deserve to be paid huge amount of money not just because that they are talented and they have to practice hard and take risks. The main reason is that they contribute to the economy. The sports industry generates billions of dollars each year and economically sportsmen do deserve what they've earned.
Also I don't think you should call someone intelligent at sports. Maybe you meant to say that to be a sportsman need talent? Frankly I think it's easier for a normal person to become a good doctor or teacher than to become an athlete because talent do play a much more important part.
Besides, your conclusion part seem to agree with the idea that athletes deserve what they earn but you didn't state your preference of this opinion in the essay
hi Zoe, thanks so much for your comment. i agree with your opinion that the sports industry generates billions of dollars each year. however, i do not agree that it is easy to become a good doctor. moreover, there are 6 kinds for intelligence.sports professionals are bodily intelligence.
anyway, i have just rewrite, pl check for me, thanks so much~!
What I meant to say was that salary is not decided by the intrinsic value of a job. Professional athletes creates something of little value but sell them to billions of people all around the world. I think you should focus more on this point.
The other points you make are not objective and they just don't make much sense to me. For example a party clown makes people relaxed but why he earns little? Because only people at the party can see him. But when it comes to sports, two basketball team consists of about 20 people will attract hundreds of thousands of people to a stadium and billions of people in front of TV. Other reasons you state just don't justify their high salary like this one and they can even be used to argue your point. For example how is intelligent at sports worth millions more than intelligent at logic or music? You see what I mean? You still have a very weak point.
Also you can add some statistics when you are writing, like how much the sports industry generates and how much does an athlete make to make yourself more persuasive.
