There are many many errors in this.
Wrong prepositions, missing prepositions, statements like
asoa: It affects bad because some time team loose persons whose have got ability to continue career, but their high achievements path them to an other sides. Money and fame distract them from professional sport and they waste more time to relax.
that make absolutely no sense at all.
First: use vocabulary you know. Don't depend on a thesaurus to give you a nice high-sounding word that doesn't fit.
Second: review sentence structure. Your sentence constructions are not standard English style, i.e. S-V-O.
Third: follow a plan for this writing. Find a good beginning and follow it to a logical conclusion.
Stephen, EssayForum.com
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