My classmates as an influence.

Not Just another Fish in the Ocean

I have never thought of he influence people may have had on my life until this very moment. Now that I think about it, it is not one person that has had a significant influence on me but a group of people - my hgih school classmates. Most of them have been with me for three, going on four, years. All of them are unique in their own ways. They have each had a hand in helping me come out of my shell and grow as a person.
Diadromous fish, such as the sockeye salmon, are born in the same fresh water system as their parents with other salmon spawn. once they mature, they travel into the ocean where they amalgamate with other species of marine life. All through out my elementary education I was just another salmon spawn in a stream of salmon spawn. Everyone was a lot alike in culture and beliefs. Not until I matured and Migrated to the ocean, or high school, did I realize that there were all types of fish. students from different districts came to study at my high school and as a result, I was able to familiarize myself with a variety of people. That would never have happened had I stayed at my own district high school.
When I began ninth grade I was introverted and kept myself occupied with boks. (Not that there is anything wong with reading a good book once in a while.) Even though it took me a while to let them in, they helped me change. I became more outgoing and was able to loose up without letting my grades suffer. they accepted my quirks and I accepted theirs. I came to the realization that I could maintain a good academic record and still have a life outside of school.
My classmates also affected my music preference. Before I met them, all I really listened to was Spanish music, which makes sense since I am Mexican. they helped me discover new genres, such as rock, hip-hop, and r&b. Now I enjoy an ecelctic selection of music. Although I maintained most of my personality traits, such as my determination to do well in everything I start, my classmates helped me better others.

Hey xit9zangel! Try not to have too many run-on sentences. Maybe try smaller sentences. Smaller sentences will help your paper sound organized. You've got a great imagination! Try to add more descriptions, vivid detail! So, up the number of sentences, but down-size the length of them.

But I have to correct you on this part so it reads a bit smoother,

"...Even though it took me a while to let them in,..."

Them should be book. Its better to repeat yourself several times, than to have your sentences sound unclear. Its better to use pro-nouns (specific names) 90% time and use nouns (generalized people, places, things) 10% time.

And there is nothing wrong with reading books man :)

thought of the influence people...

Thanks, Mike, for this great work here!

This is great, In that conclusion paragraph, it would be good to use some words that are similar to the words you used in the intro. Refer back to the intro at the end.

....grade I was introverted and kept myself occupied with books.

My classmates also affected my music preference. Before I met them, all I really listened to was Spanish music, which makes sense since I am Mexican. They helped me discover new genres, such as rock, hip-hop, and R&B. Now I enjoy an eclectic selection of music. Although I maintained most of my personality traits, such as my determination to do well in everything I start, my classmates helped me better others. People will always have an influence over others, whether they are good, bad, small, or big. In all cases, we should take the time to recognize those influences so we can thank the good ones for bettering us, myself included.

Can you comment on the new ending?

I like it. It is humble and wise.

xit9zangel
i like it, also dont forget spellcheck since there are a lot of mistakes