I'd be happy to give you some editing tips!
[delete "In"] Bertolt Brecht's 1943 play, "Life of Galileo,"
tells the story of a man named Galileo Galilei, a teacher of mathematics at Padua University and a philosopher who was persecuted by the Roman Catholic Church for his scientific discoveries. Mrs. Sarti's son, Andrea, has lessons from Galileo who examines the model of the solar system and he challenges the belief that states that "I have made discoveries which we can no longer hold back from the world."(10). - This last sentence is confusing. Who is doing the challenging? Whose belief states that?
the society would not always expect your experiments or theories as a scientist. - would not expect them to do what? Did you mean "respect" instead of "expect"?
Sagredo, one of the characters from the play, who examines Galileo's discovery through a telescope, seems to be the friend that watches out for Galileo but
he doesn't have the knowledge about science but
he learns from his friend who has discovered something tremendous. - don't use a "but" phrase more than once in one sentence.
Sagredo learns from Galileo about science that he knew that the nobilities would not agree with his theory. - Watch your sentence construction. This is a little awkward and hard to follow-- in "about science that he knew" it is not clear which man "he" refers to; and does this refer to "science that he knew" or something else that he knew? I believe the word you wanted was "nobles" or "nobility" (one refers to the people, the other to the class of people).
His friend played a role of warning the consequences for example, if you are a scientist and you predict a hypothesis you must show your results even though people will disagree and it is just the same as gathering data and it can be based on your interpretations. - This is one of several sentences which are far too long. If you read this out loud, you'd be gasping for air! :-)
It carried points that science and religion contradicts itself - "science and religion" is compound; say "themselves" or, better, "each other."
because you need a little more faith than
reason to understand science. - When you compare two things, it's always "than": this more than
that. If you're saying one thing follows from another, use then: if this, then
This sentence is very hard to follow because the grammar is jumbled: Today, Scientists have said who strongly believe in religion and science has a problem with finding evidence that could go against their beliefs. I think you may have meant "Today, scientists who strongly believe in religion have a problem when science provides evidence that contradicts their beliefs."
Instead of saying "In the play, it criticizes" say "The play criticizes..."
It seemed he was selfish towards Ludovico, Andrea and Virginia but mostly he pushed Ludovico away from Virginia because Galileo is proud of what he achieved and Ludovico were guided from Galileo and he probably did not believe in his theories.- Your meaning gets lost in all those pronouns. Which one is "he"? Whose is "his"?
I strongly urge you to read your essay out loud, preferably to someone else, so that you can catch all the overly long sentences and awkward construction. Remember that simpler sentences are better than long, rambling ones in which the reader loses her way.
I hope this helps!