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UC Application Prompt #2: Tutoring/teaching


aquinoglorygee 2 / 2  
Nov 28, 2012   #1
Prompt #2:
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

My participation and leadership in groups such as Pittsburg High School's Oasis Christian club, Puente, my church's Hula Dance Team, and tutoring my uncle's kids kindled a passion for helping others that I was never aware of.

A few weeks ago, my counselor emailed students about an opportunity for community service. It was for senior Puente students that wanted to get community service hours by tutoring. A few more hours of community service would not be so bad so I responded to her saying that I was interested. I have never really seen myself as the teacher type, mostly because my patience for other people is a bit slim depending on the circumstance; however, there was no pain in trying.

One of the first times I experienced the sensation of accomplishment, was the day I came into class F205. My teacher told me that there was a student that needed some assistance with their essay. When I came to her, I asked if I could read what she had. It was absolutely terrible; I wondered if this person had known how to even speak properly.

I knew that I NEEDED to help her. I aided her and then I saw it. The surge of enlightenment and knowledge flickering in her eyes, in that moment our minds connected and the wrinkles on her forehead vanished and was replaced with a smile of accomplishment, eagerness and hunger to learn more; the thrill of wanting to move into a deeper and more complex task and me wanting to guide her there.

Teaching that student allowed me to be in a position in which I can make a difference in their life not just with their experience in writing but in their ability to learn academically.

As a person that has volunteered to assist fellow underclassmen, my goal is help them understand that school is something not to dread, fear or stress about but to actually enjoy and indulge in the idea of getting farther in their educative experience. I encounter students every day when I tutor my uncle's kids who have a preconceived notion that school work is not their strength but their enemy; an eleven year old child who is labeled as a class clown, and even a thirteen year old who is diagnosed with autism. It is important that their foundation of education is established and I am prepared with the newly found patience and persistence to do just that regardless if they gave up. I am ready to motivate and challenge them to discover intellect in a new light.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Nov 28, 2012   #2
My participation and leadership in groups such as Pittsburg High School's Oasis Christian club, Puente, my church's Hula Dance Team, and tutoring my uncle's kids kindled a passion for helping others that I was never aware of.

Well.... this is your opening sentence. So it needs to come with a punch !
However, this is a bit over crowded with so many things and it sounds like a list of your personal records. I feel you should re-phrase this sentence. Give prominance the most important thing - i.e. passion for helping others


A few weeks ago, my counselor emailed students about an opportunity for community service.

I guess this is a good point to begin your essay! You can then slowly arrange your flow to highlight how this involvment impacted you and brought out your particular quality.


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