aznpoo
Member
Posts: 29
Joined: Feb 17, 07
Ref.#: 1481
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Edited by: Moderator
Feb 21, 07, 02:33pm ¦ #1
Please proofread it, if it make sense or not. If I were to leave out the title will you still be able to figure out it is a suicide poetry?
My suicide note
While I contemplate to live or not,
The noose has already determined my fate.
The night became much lonelier,
As it disappear.
Nevermore will I see a tomorrow,
Nevermore will I touch your face,
Nevermore will I ever feel pain.
It was too late, I was in too deep.
As I was grasping for air,
My body drifted away.
It was a sign from above,
The process is complete.
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EF_Team2
Moderator
Posts: 2319
Joined: Mar 1, 06
Ref.#: 1497
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Greetings!
Yes, definitely, I could tell it was suicide poetry (I hope for an assignment! :-)). Probably the biggest clue is "Nevermore will I see a tomorrow." That might even be just a little too direct; subtlety is good in poetry. I especially like the closing! Just a couple of edits:
As it disappeared.
As I was gasping for air
Very nice!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
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