Law School Personal Statement and Diversity Statement

I am hoping for honest opinions and any grammatical errors that I may have overlooked. Thanks for your help!

Personal Statement:


As an adolescent growing up in a Nigerian household, I thought it not only natural, but also important to identify with both African and Black cultures. I thought Black-ness and African-ness, though fundamentally different by virtue of their diverse cultures, could fit snugly, side-by-side, in a self-constructed view of identity. I assumed that if I believed it, everyone else would too. I refused to obscure my African heritage outside the home, or my deep appreciation of Black culture inside of it. Much to my surprise, my composition was met with opposition. Some of my Black peers, I found, had grown wary of this notion of a blended identity. To them, I was an African attempting to claim their culture as my own, and they made no secret of this. Their persistent taunts and teases made me feel like an outsider in a community to which I had thought I belonged. I soon began to question myself: What if I were not African? The simplest solution at the time seemed to be a denial of my African roots, which I blamed as an obstacle to my acceptance. I would have been more like my Black peers and less like an outsider. It was during this time that my heredity, which I had once considered a blessing, was re-cast as a burden. I endeavored to erase any semblance of my African-ness, to diminish any notion that I was somehow different from the next Black girl. Soon even my father's unabashed use of my Nigerian name –XXX– in public, drew pangs of embarrassment. This destructive pattern ultimately sacrificed my individuality and crippled my confidence. This compromise could have continued for some time, but in my sophomore year in college, with no apparent prompting, I found myself one day suddenly experiencing a profound sense of sorrow. I felt inexplicably lost and I went to bed that night with heavy thoughts. The next day, my mind was clearer, but my perception of who I was, I realized, was astoundingly blurry. I had become unfamiliar to myself, and it occurred to me that I had lost my sense of self in my attempt to blend in.

I felt a deep yearning to reclaim the African heritage that I had abandoned so long ago. Because I spent many years trying to identify solely with the Black community, I needed to make up for lost time. I immersed myself in African culture. Film, literature, and art opened the doors I had shut many years ago. I co-founded an African Students' Union on campus so that I could participate in and encourage the engagement and celebration of African culture. I suspected that a renewed sense of self was on the horizon, but I was not quite there, for I knew that my physical presence in both worlds was not enough to establish a mental presence of the same nature. I needed to recreate that innocent self-acceptance of my nuanced identity that I had discovered at a young age. Nothing prepared me more for this than my trip to the place my parents always referred to as home.

I knew my first trip to Nigeria would be a chance to discover myself by way of discovering the country. Though I initially felt like a stranger, the elders of the village where my parents grew up assured me that I was inextricable connected to the people and culture of this little village. "These are your people. This is your land," I was told. Afternoons were spent listening to stories about my parents and their parents. Evenings were spent meeting the extended family that I never knew. Though my knowledge of my parents' native language and of the ways of the village was minimal, I felt connected; I felt like this was home for me too. My journey didn't end there. In the village, I was presented with juxtaposed images of a life stricken with poverty, but uplifted by a richness in spirit; this was unexpected and startling. I saw dozens of polio survivors zipping in and out of traffic on scooters; many still wore broad smiles on their faces. Little markets and clinics seemed to provide access and hope in villages where electricity, plumbing, and clean water were not guaranteed. I met villagers who faced each day with immense gratitude, despite the daily challenges. Since then, the struggles of the developing world have been given a new face and real meaning for me. I carried these images of Nigeria, burned into my psyche, back to the States with me. The seeds of pride, hope and resilient optimism were planted within me. I had finally gained an uncompromised acceptance of all sides of my identity and I felt empowered. I felt more confident and secure in who I was than ever before. The inner turmoil that once left me emotionally stagnant had been fully quieted, freeing me to maximize my potential and pursue my interests with an uninhibited passion. I returned for my last semester at college and ardently pursued courses in inequality and justice, world cultures, and artistic expression. I was driven by a new desire to understand the world around me. Academically, it was my most successful semester, but there was an undeniable personal success in it as well. I discovered a real longing to be an active member in the global community and to dedicate my life in some fashion to that cause. The realization that my positive and eye-opening experiences in Nigeria laid the groundwork for more positive and eye-opening experiences in my personal life was uplifting. Finally, I learned that, at times, complex problems require complex solutions. Many years ago, I thought the way to silence my inner turmoil was to deny a significant part of who I was. Similarly, when I tried to reverse the years of damage this decision caused, I found that I could not simply change my mind. This reversal required an emotional and physical journey that, fortunately, left me stronger, more confident, and passionate. In law school and in my subsequent professional career I expect to face many challenges and I expect many of those challenges to seem insurmountable, but I welcome them. They will undoubtedly bring out the same strength and passion that I gained through my personal journey.

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Diversity Statement:

My experiences as a first generation daughter of African immigrants gave rise to my perspective of the world around me and the significance of overcoming personal and socioeconomic hurdles. My parents were poor African immigrants in a small town in the South that lacked real cultural tolerance. As a family, we battled the challenges of low income on one hand, and racial discrimination on the other. Though it took many years before my parents could achieve the better life they sought when they immigrated, they made sure I knew that education had been our ticket out of economic hardships. I took these lessons seriously, excelling in high school and going on to attend XXX. My parents could not afford to finance my education, so I took out my own loans and worked throughout my undergraduate career. Balancing these financial obligations while devoting time to my major, my pre-medicine studies, and my extracurricular activities was trying and the cost of my education was great, but I knew that it as an investment of which my parents would be proud. Overcoming discrimination was the tougher challenge for me. At times, I was treated unfairly because I was Black; other times, because I was African. Battling discrimination by individuals both inside and outside the Black community was a particularly confusing predicament for me. Rising above this challenge took many years, but I emerged wiser, more resilient and committed to resisting intolerance.

The importance of education, the repudiation of intolerance and the attainment of a real perspective about the world around me have become my driving forces. This is why I co-founded the first African Student Union at XXX. The appreciation and awareness of African culture not only benefited me, but it also benefited other Africans and non-Africans throughout XXX's student community. This is why I tutored disadvantaged kids in Harlem. I tried to inspire them to love reading and math and encourage them to raise their own expectations. This is why, as a XXX volunteer, I spend each day searching for opportunities and relief for Mr. XXX and his family. The precarious existence of this family of Iraqi refugees and millions of others like them, displaced by the Iraq War and sectarian violence, motivates me. And this is why I am working with a colleague to develop a project whose mission is to improve economic opportunities for communities in Africa. I believe in the perseverance of African countries and their ability to overcome and grow.

I believe that the potential to bring diversity to a law school community is not solely dependent upon who you are. I believe that the unique perspective your personal challenges offer you and what you seek to accomplish with it, also contributes to this diversity. I come from a family of individuals who have triumphed over intolerance and socioeconomic hurdles. I have struggled with my own personal trials and triumphed over those as well. As a law student, I will share not only my experiences and unique perspective, but my determination to use this perspective to effect positive change in my law school community and around the world as well.


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Question: In the last paragraph is the use of the word "you" wrong? If I try to change it to one (ie dependent upon who one is.) and make all the necessary changes to the rest of the paragraph it gets messy.

Thanks for your help!!

Greetings!

You are a truly excellent writer! This will stand you in good stead in law school! I have just a few editing suggestions for you:

As an adolescent growing up in a Nigerian household, I thought it not only natural, but also important, to identify with both African and Black cultures.

began to question myself: what if

the village where my parents grew up assured me that I was inextricably connected to the people

many nonetheless wore broad smiles on their faces.

Balancing these financial obligations while devoting time to my major, my pre-medicine studies, and my extracurricular activities was trying and the cost of my education was great, but I knew that it was an investment in which my parents would be proud.

As for your questions about the last paragraph, I think it is not incorrect to use "you" although it is a bit more informal. If you wanted to avoid its use without getting messy, you could do it like this:

I believe that the potential to bring diversity to a law school community is not solely dependent upon who a person is. I believe that the unique perspective one's personal challenges offer and what one seeks to accomplish with it, also contributes to this diversity.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Thanks so much for your suggestions. I ended up having to cut my PS and re-write my DS...ugh.

Here are the updated versions. Would you mind reviewing them again? I just want to make sure the updated PS is coherent and that the DS is grammatically correct and flows well. The DS isn't complete. I will add 1 to 2 more sentences to the end, but that;s it.

Thanks so much!!!

Personal Statement:

As an adolescent growing up in a Nigerian household, I thought it only natural to identify with both African and Black cultures. I thought Black-ness and African-ness, though fundamentally different by virtue of their diverse cultures, could fit side-by-side, in a self-constructed view of identity. I assumed that if I believed it, everyone else would too. Much to my surprise, some of my Black peers, I found, had grown wary of this notion of a blended identity. To them, I was an African attempting to claim their culture as my own. Their persistent taunts and teases made me feel like an outsider in a community to which I had thought I belonged. I soon began to question myself: what if I were not African? The simplest solution at the time seemed to be a denial of my African roots. I would have been more like my Black peers and less like an outsider. I endeavored to erase any semblance of my African-ness, to diminish any notion that I was somehow different from the next Black girl. This destructive pattern ultimately sacrificed my individuality and crippled my confidence. This could have continued for some time, but in my sophomore year in college, with no apparent prompting, I found myself one day suddenly experiencing a profound sense of sorrow. After much contemplation, it occurred to me that I had become unfamiliar to myself. I had lost my sense of self in my attempt to blend in.
I felt a deep yearning to reclaim the African heritage that I had abandoned so long ago. Because I had spent many years identifying solely with the Black community, I needed to acknowledge my other half. I immersed myself in African culture. Film, literature, and art opened the doors I had shut many years ago. I co-founded an African Students' Union on campus so that I could encourage and participate in the celebration of African culture. I suspected that a renewed sense of self was on the horizon, but I was not quite there, for I knew that my physical presence in both worlds was not enough to establish a mental presence of the same nature. I needed to recreate that innocent self-acceptance of my nuanced identity that I had discovered at a young age. Nothing prepared me more for this than my trip to the place my parents always referred to as home.
I knew my first trip to Nigeria would be a chance to discover myself by way of discovering the country. Though I initially felt like a stranger, the elders of the village where my parents grew up assured me that I was inextricably connected to the people and culture of this little village. "These are your people. This is your land," I was told. Afternoons were spent listening to stories about my parents and their parents. Evenings were spent meeting the extended family that I never knew. As my knowledge of my parents' native language and of the ways of the village grew, I felt more connected; I felt like this was home for me too. My journey didn't end there. In the village, I was presented with juxtaposed images of a life stricken with poverty, but uplifted by a richness in spirit; this was unexpected and startling. I saw dozens of polio survivors zipping in and out of traffic on scooters; many, nonetheless, wore broad smiles on their faces. Little markets and clinics seemed to provide access and hope in villages where electricity and clean water were not guaranteed. I met villagers who faced each day with immense gratitude, despite the daily challenges. Since then, the struggles of the developing world have been given a new face and real meaning for me. I carried these images of Nigeria, burned into my psyche, back to the States with me. The seeds of pride, hope and resilient optimism were planted within me.
I had finally gained an uncompromised acceptance of both sides of my identity. The inner turmoil that once left me emotionally stagnant had been fully quieted, freeing me to maximize my potential and pursue my interests with an uninhibited passion. I returned for my last semester at college and ardently pursued courses in inequality and justice, world cultures, and artistic expression. I was driven by a new desire to understand the world around me. I discovered a real longing to be an active member in the global community and to dedicate my life in some fashion to that cause. Finally, I learned that, at times, complex problems require complex solutions. Many years ago, I thought the way to silence my inner turmoil was to deny a significant part of who I was. Similarly, when I tried to reverse the years of damage this decision caused, I found that I could not simply change my mind. This reversal required an emotional and physical journey that, fortunately, left me stronger, more confident, and passionate. In law school and in my subsequent professional career I expect to face many challenges and I expect many of those challenges to seem insurmountable, but I welcome them. They will undoubtedly bring out the same strength and passion that I gained through my personal journey.


Diversity Statement


My experience as a first generation daughter of African immigrants gave rise to my perspective of the world around me and the significance of overcoming personal and socioeconomic hurdles. My parents were poor African immigrants in a small town in the South with few familial connections. They arrived with very little and took jobs scrubbing floors and cleaning hotel rooms. They relied heavily on their Welfare checks. As a child, I remember our seedy apartment on Buckingham Road and the creative meals we were sometimes forced to fashion with what we had. I remember our second-hand clothing and the way the colors had faded. Though I must have been unaware at the time, my parents' financial battle was taxed by their struggle to assimilate in this new country. They knew this small town would share few similarities with the small village in which they were raised, but their desire for a better opportunity eclipsed these concerns.
Even though better days took over a decade to achieve, my parents made sure I knew that education had been our ticket out of economic hardships. I took these lessons seriously, excelling in high school and going on to attend New York University. Though we were no longer financially dependent on Welfare or other assistance, my parents could not afford to finance my education, so I took out my own loans and worked throughout my undergraduate career. Balancing these financial obligations while devoting time to my major, my pre-medicine studies, and my extracurricular activities was a trying experience for me. Weeks and sometimes months would go by before I could steal a moment to explore the city or spend time with friends. The personal and financial costs of my education were great, but I knew it was an investment in which my parents would be proud.
As I reflect on these times, I realize the beauty in these experiences. These struggles helped to mold my admiration for hard-won successes and instill a resilient spirit in me. I have gained a true understanding of what it means to overcome, and since then, I have never failed to carry the lessons of these experiences with me when confronted with a challenge. [1 -2 more sentences]

Update:

I changed the first line of the DS to the following:

My experience as a first generation daughter of African immigrants gave rise to my perspective of the world around me and the empowerment gained by overcoming personal and socioeconomic hurdles.

Does the wording make sense?

Greetings!

I like what you've done with both essays! Yes, I think the wording for your first line makes sense. Empowerment is an excellent word choice! The flow of the DS is just fine, and I don't see any grammar which requires correction.

Good job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com