Unique qualities and characteristics - UCF essay help

What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the UCF community?

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I don't know how to end it or if it's even decent.
Please help.

Good afternoon. Here are my suggestions:

"I woke up to the sound of music blaring near my ear. I quickly turned it down. It was pitch black outside and everyone in my house was asleep. My alarm clock read 3:40 am. I had to be at work in twenty minutes because we were doing our monthly floor set. I thought about what would happen if I just did not show up. As much as I wanted to, I could not do it. I said I would be there and I intended on doing so. I am loyal, dependable, and hard-working. Ever since I can remember I have wanted a job. So two months after I turned sixteen I got a job at a "Limited Too." I am still employed there a year and a half later. Since I have been working there I have seen many people hired and many people quit. I am one of the longest standing employees and I believe this is because of my loyalty. Once I make a decision to do something, I stick to it. On the schedule (Remove comma) I usually have the most hours, after the managers, of course. I believe this is because of my dependability. I always report to work, on time, on my scheduled days. I have only called in sick once. On days they need extra help, they call me because they know I will help them out. I will also come in earlier or stay later if they need me to. My managers know I am dependable. I am also one of the only associates who work floor sets. I believe this is because I am hard-working. Floor sets are generally done only by the managers before or after store hours, but I have been doing it since I started working there. Generally, getting up at four in the morning for a floor set is not my ideal Sunday, but I know my managers have asked me because I work hard. I almost think of it as a privilege to be there with them. My reward for all my hard work was a pay raise. I will not tell you how much I am making but its above minimum wage! Next year, when I am on my college breaks, my manager has insisted that I return to help them out. Being loyal, dependable, and hard-working are qualities that I think will benefit me in college."

You've got a great start here. Watch your use of contractions, as they are not used in academic writing. Also, depending on your word length requirements, you could spend a little more time explaining how you will use your qualitites in the UCF community. Are there clubs or organizations that can benefit from your membership? How about the ways in which your characteristics will help you in the classroom?
Keep up your hard work.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

I woke up to the sound of music blaring near my ear. I quickly turned it down. It was pitch black outside and everyone in my house was asleep. My alarm clock read 3:40 am. I had to be at work in twenty minutes because we were doing our monthly floor set. I thought about what would happen if I just did not show up. As much as I wanted to, I could not do it. I said I would be there and I intended on doing so. I am loyal, dependable, and hard-working. Ever since I can remember I have wanted a job. So two months after I turned sixteen I got a job at a "Limited Too." I am still employed there a year and a half later. Since I have been working there I have seen many people hired and many people quit. I am one of the longest standing employees and I believe this is because of my loyalty. Once I make a decision to do something, I stick to it. On the schedule I usually have the most hours, after the managers, of course. I believe this is because of my dependability. I always report to work, on time, on my scheduled days. I have only called in sick once. On days they need extra help, they call me because they know I will help them out. I will also come in earlier or stay later if they need me to. My managers know I am dependable. I am also one of the only associates who work floor sets. I believe this is because I am hard-working. Floor sets are generally done only by the managers before or after store hours, but I have been doing it since I started working there. Generally, getting up at four in the morning for a floor set is not my ideal Sunday, but I know my managers have asked me because I work hard. I almost think of it as a privilege to be there with them. My reward for all my hard work was a pay raise. My reward in college will be a diploma. I plan on applying to the College of Nursing and I know I have to work hard to be accepted. I plan on attending every class and working my hardest. Whether it is completing my degree or rooting for the sports teams, I plan to be a loyal Knight. And when it comes to making friends and becoming involved in campus activities I will be dependable. For me, I know that academic achievement is the direct result of hard-work.

i changed the end. Is it better?

Good afternoon.

Let's see:

"I woke up to the sound of music blaring near my ear. I quickly turned it down. It was pitch black outside and everyone in my house was asleep. My alarm clock read 3:40 am. I had to be at work in twenty minutes because we were doing our monthly floor set. I thought about what would happen if I just did not show up. As much as I wanted to, I could not do it. I said I would be there and I intended on doing so. I am loyal, dependable, and hard working. Ever since I can remember I have wanted a job, so two months after I turned sixteen I got a job at a "Limited Too." I am still employed there a year and a half later. Since I have been working there I have seen many people hired and many people quit. I am one of the longest standing employees and I believe this is because of my loyalty. Once I make a decision to do something, I stick to it. On the schedule I usually have the most hours (after the managers, of course!) I believe this is because of my dependability. I always report to work (Remove comma) on time (Remove comma) on my scheduled days. I have only called in sick once. On days they need extra help, they call me because they know I will help them out. I will also come in earlier or stay later if they need me to. My managers know I am dependable. I am also one of the only associates who work floor sets. I believe this is because I am hard working. Floor sets are generally done only by the managers before or after store hours, but I have been doing it since I started working there. Generally, getting up at four in the morning for a floor set is not my ideal Sunday, but I know my managers have asked me because I work hard. I almost think of it as a privilege to be there with them. My reward for all my hard work was a pay raise. My reward in college will be a diploma. I plan on applying to the College of Nursing and I know I have to work hard to be accepted. I plan on attending every class and working my hardest. Whether it is completing my degree or rooting for the sports teams, I plan to be a loyal Knight. When it comes to making friends and becoming involved in campus activities I will be dependable. For me, I know that academic achievement is the direct result of hard work."

Good job. Just a few mechanical errors, but I do like the ending much better. Keep up the nice work!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com