Infertility treatments essay

Hello! How ru doing? I had to write a 200-word essay on this topic, infertility treatments.
Its basically about provincial health care plans currently place strict limits on these types of treatments available to couples----this is the topic. I had to give reasons for these limits, research and explain some of the limits to inferility treatments in Ontario's health plan. Include one good quotation, and explain my feelings about placing these limits on available infertility treatments. Can you let me know what I should change? Thanks soooo much

Infertility, which is defined as failure to conceive following one
year of regular, unprotected intercourse, effects 8%-16% of couples who are at the age of reproduction. Fortunately in this day and age, there are numerous safe and effective infertility treatment options available, but on the down side can be costly.

The Toronto Centre for Advanced Reproductive Technology, claims that Intrauterine Insemination has a lower cost then other treatments but has a pregnancy rate of only 8.7%-17.1%. The Intracytoplasmic Sperm injection, again at a lower cost, does have a fertilization rate of 70%, but only holds a 28% of a live birth rate. These are inexpensive treatments yet not so effective overall.

Prior to 1994, In Vitro Fertilization was fully funded in Ontario by the Ontario Health Insurance Plan (OHIP). In 1993, systematical findings by the Royal Commission on reproductive technology were released, and most funding for IVF was withdrawn. OHIP now covers the cost of In Vitro only for women suffering from bilaterally blocked fallopian tubes. The withdrawl was larely based on, "Insufficient evidence existed to establish whether or not IVF was effective for non tubal causes of infertility."

Provincial Health seems to have taken the proper and necessary steps to ensure that their conclusive decision on strict limitations for infertility treatments, were wholey built on sufficient evidence. I concur that their reviewed studies showcasing that In Vitro Fertilization, is indeed the best option to women that have fallopian blockage, and that this will be a successful method to pro-create and thus fullfil the women's privelage of motherhood.

Good morning.

Here are my suggestions:

"Infertility, which is defined as failure to conceive following one
year of regular, unprotected intercourse, effects 8%-16% of couples who are at the age of reproduction. Fortunately in this day and age, there are numerous safe and effective infertility treatment options available, but on the down side can be costly. Sources?

The Toronto Centre for Advanced Reproductive Technology (Remove comma) claims that intrauterine insemination has a lower cost then other treatments but has a pregnancy rate of only 8.7%-17.1%. The intracytoplasmic sperm injection, again at a lower cost, does have a fertilization rate of 70%, but only holds a 28% of a live birth rate. These are inexpensive treatments yet not so effective overall.

Prior to 1994, In Vitro Fertilization was fully funded in Ontario by the Ontario Health Insurance Plan (OHIP). In 1993, systematical findings by the Royal Commission on Reproductive Technology were released, and most funding for IVF was withdrawn. (Why?) OHIP now covers the cost of in vitro only for women suffering from bilaterally blocked fallopian tubes. The withdrawl was larely based on (Remove comma) "insufficient evidence existed to establish whether or not IVF was effective for non tubal causes of infertility." Citation?

Provincial Health seems to have taken the proper and necessary steps to ensure that their conclusive decision on strict limitations for infertility treatments, were entirely built on sufficient evidence. I concur that their reviewed studies showcasing that in vitro fertilization (Remove comma) is indeed the best option to women that have a fallopian blockage (Remove comma) and that this will be a successful method to procreate and thus fullfil the women's privelage of motherhood."

Watch your capitalization and make sure you have adequate cited sources. This is a very scientific article, so the more data and research you can have to back up your statements the more credible your article will be.
The structure looks nice and the paragraphs flow easily.

Regards,
Gloria
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