Changing College Experience -- Please critique my essay. Thanks.

--------------------------------- Essay Question ------------------------------------------------
Imagine that you could have made one change in your college experience. Explain what change you would have made and what difference it would have made.

----------------------------------- My Essay ----------------------------------------------

If I could turn back the clock to make one change in my college experience, I would have worked more on my English skill prior to taking classes for my engineering degree. With strong English skills, I would have been able to have a greater learning experience, to perform better in my all classes, and to have more career choices.

I would have enjoyed my learning and participated more in many of my classes if I had put more emphasis on improving my English at the start of my college years. I started college after just one year of learning English. Couple with that, I had to support myself while attending college. As much as I wanted to understand more of the contents of the subjects that I studied, I could not afford financially to take more English classes. The pressure of paying off my debts dictated when and what classes I had to take. As a result, I was not able to enjoy many classes such as sociology, biology, and history, just to name a few. I did not participated in these classes as much as I would have liked. Although many of the classes I mentioned were not related to my major, understanding the contents of these subjects would have enhanced my overall college experience.

Next, if I had started out my education with many more English classes, I would have performed better in college. Although I excelled in many of my math and science classes, my performances in classes that required an advanced reading comprehension skill were average. Looking back at my college years, if I had taken more English classes before working on my engineering degree, I would have been a straight A student.

Lastly, I would have had more options in career in choices if I had begun my college education with strong English skills. I chose an engineering major because many classes in the engineering field required less English and more math. I am thankful that I am good in math because it was the skill that allowed me to successfully complete my college education. I might have chosen a different career other than engineering if I had worked on my English skill more at the start of my college years

In conclusion, I would have been able to enjoy learning more, improve my academic performance, and have more career choices if I had taken more English classes at the beginning of my college education.

Good evening.

Here are my suggestions:

"If I could turn back the clock to make one change in my college experience, I would have worked more on my English skills prior to taking classes for my engineering degree. With strong English skills (Remove comma) I would have been able to have a greater learning experience, to perform better in my all classes, and to have more career choices.

I would have enjoyed my learning and participated more in many of my classes if I had put more emphasis on improving my English at the start of my college years. I started college after just one year of English experience. Couple with that the fact that I had to support myself while attending college. As much as I wanted to understand more of the contents of the subjects that I studied, I could not afford financially to take more English classes. The pressure of paying off my debts dictated when and what classes I had to take. As a result, I was not able to enjoy many classes such as sociology, biology, and history, just to name a few. I did not participated in these classes as much as I would have liked. Although many of the classes I mentioned were not related to my major, understanding the contents of these subjects would have enhanced my overall college experience.

Next, if I had started out my education with many more English classes, I would have performed better in college. Although I excelled in many of my math and science classes (Remove comma) my performances in classes that required advanced reading comprehension skills were average. Looking back at my college years, if I had taken more English classes before working on my engineering degree (Remove comma) I would have been a straight A student.

Lastly, I would have had more options in career in choices if I had begun my college education with stronger English skills. I chose an engineering major because many classes in the engineering field required less English and more math. I am thankful that I am good in math because it was the skill that allowed me to successfully complete my college education. I might have chosen a different career other than engineering if I had worked on my English skills more at the start of my college years.

In conclusion, I would have been able to enjoy learning more, improve my academic performance, and have more career choices if I had taken more English classes at the beginning of my college education."

Nice work. Just a few mechanical errors; your writing skills are progressing nicely. Your organization is good and your paragraphs flow together easily. Good job.

Regards,
Gloria
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