Topic 4: prohibite smoking in public places

Topic 4:Some business now say that no one smoke cigarettes in any of their offices.Some governments have banned smoking in all public places.Do you agree or disagree?

Even thought it's true that there's definite link between smoking and bronchial trouble, lung cancer and heart desease, many government seem hear, see, smell no evil.A few nations have been taking timid measure. This essay will outline some of the problems against smoking in public places.

The first point is that it is not difficult to find out why the official reactions to medical research have been so lukewarm. The respond is simply money. Tobacco is the wonderful source of revenue. For instance: in tax revenue alone, the government in Britain collects from somokers to pay for its entire educational facilities.

The second point is that some contries use the short-sighted policy. It is a paradox that a million of people all over the word-especial in Africa- are starving whereas an enormous sums spend on space exploration.Poor people will improve their life without unemployment, poverty, and corroption if the authorities give the right law for such money of sponsor from rich countries.

The further point is that most of cigarette companies spend vast budget for advertising which is both insidious and dishonest. They never show the real smokers coughing up lungs in the morning. That would never do.Advertisement depict a great open-air life, the charming ladies, and true love. What utter nonsense!

Over all, I feel strongly that all government could begin by banning advertising cigarette in public places like cinema,restaurant or mass transportation.We will also have been conducting anti-smoking campaign in our town. Young people should be warned,dire consequences to bad habit.

Pls check my essay. many thanks and best regard to EF-Teams

Good afternoon; here are my suggestions:

"Even thought it is true that there is a definite link between smoking and bronchial trouble, lung cancer, and heart desease, many government seem hear, see, smell no evil. A few nations have been taking timid measures, and this essay will outline some of the problems against (banning or allowing?) smoking in public places.

The first point is that it is not difficult to find out why the official reactions to medical research have been so lukewarm. The response is simply money. Tobacco is a wonderful source of revenue. For instance: in tax revenue alone, the government in Britain collects enough revenue from smokers to pay for its entire educational facilities. Where is your source for this information?

The second point is that some contries use short-sighted policy. It is a paradox that a million people all over the world-especial in Africa- are starving, whereas enormous sums of money are spent on space exploration. What does this have to do with smoking? I see no relevance here. Poor people will improve their life without unemployment, poverty, and corroption if the authorities give the right law for such money of sponsor from rich countries. I don't see how this is relevant at all to whether or not public bans on smoking should be enforced; either relate this to your assigned topic somehow or remove it completely.

The further point is that most of cigarette companies spend large amounts of money on advertising which is both insidious and dishonest. Why is spending money on advertising insidious and dishonest? They never show the real smokers coughing up lungs in the morning; that would never do. Instead their advertisements depict a great open-air life, charming ladies, and true love. What utter nonsense! Describe one of these ads here, because your reader probably does not know what you are talking about.

Over all, I feel strongly that all governments could begin by banning advertising cigarettes in public places like cinemas, restaurants or mass transportation. We will also have been (You also have been, or you will be? Which is it? Has it already happened or are you currently planning on doing it?) conducting anti-smoking campaigns in our town. Young people should be warned of the dire consequences of this bad habit."

I suggest starting this essay over. It is very disjointed and distracting; you are writing assuming that your reader knows exactly what you are talking about, and you are leaving large amounts of information out. Start with an outline; jot down the main points you want to talk about (what problems do smoking in public places create?) and underneath each main discussion point, jot down a quick example or fact (properly cited) that supports your main point. This will help you stay organized and give you some flow between your paragraphs. In your first draft, don't focus on your grammar, spelling, or punctuation; instead focus on imparting to your audience clear, complete thoughts. Write it with your audience in mind; make sure you are telling them enough information to make sense out of your essasy, because right now you're kind of all over the place.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Sophie, in my personal opinion, your essay needs some paragraph structure. You also need to take your time and do a little more relevant research. Incorporating concrete facts into your essay might impress your teacher : )

I've made a few edits, but they're basic. if your striving for the A paper, it needs work.

Gloria is a god sent angel, so I suggest taking her suggestions to heart.

While it is true that there is a definite link between smoking and bronchial trouble, lung cancer and heart desease, many governments seem to hear, see, or smell any evil. A few nations have been taking apprehensive measures and this essay will outline a few of the problems associated with smoking in public places.

It is not difficult to understand why the official reactions to well documented medical research have been so lukewarm. The aim is simply financial profit. Tobacco is a wonderful source of revenue. For instance: in tax revenue alone, the government in Britain collects from smokers to pay for it's entire educational facilities. <--- I agree with Gloria, where is your source?

*The second point is that some contries use the short-sighted policy. It is a paradox that one million people through out the world, especially in Africa, are starving. While the helpless starve, an enormous amount of money is being spent on space exploration. The less fortunate people could greatly improve their lives without unemployment, poverty, and corroption if the authorities would give the right law for such money of sponsor from rich countries.* This entire paragraph is irrelevant, you need to go back and research into your topic. If your looking to explain the reasons behind governments banning smoking in public places, then write that. This paragraph really needs work. Take your time, great sources make for great papers. IMO.

The further point is that most of cigarette companies spend vast amounts of money on advertising which is both insidious and dishonest. They never show the real smokers coughing up their lungs in the morning; that would never do. Their advertisement scheme depicts a great open-air life, the charming ladies, and true love. What utter nonsense! <--- My teacher would probably consider this phrase to informal.

Over all, I strongly feel that all governments could begin by banning advertising cigarettes in public places like cinemas, restaurants or mass transportation. My friends and I have been conducting an anti-smoking campaign in our town. Young people should be warned, of the dire consequences to follow this bad habit.


Good luck!

Good afternoon
Thank Gloria and nclester
Your edits and advise make my essay clearly.

Even thought it is true that there is a definite link between smoking and bronchial trouble, lung cancer and heart desease, many government seem hear, see, smell no evil.A few nations have been taking timid measures. This essay will outline some of the advantages against allowing smoking in public places.

Nowadays, people used to go public places such as cinemas,restaurants, or bars after long days offices. Smoking in these places should be completely banned. It not only help human be healthy,but also help keeping the cities clearn. A 2004 study showed that in New Jersey, bars and restaurants have had more than nine time level of indoor air pollution opposite to its neighboring,in New York city.Research also gave evidents that toxin exposue's employees and customers decreased significantly after the policy impove air quality in public places.

Furthemore, government should warn of the dire consequences to young people. We can see in most of cigarette packets, the producer put the sentence "smoking is harm to your health" or "smoking can lead you to the disease". Even though, people still smoke alot and spend as much money on smoking as food. Smoking not only harm to smokers and effect people around who do not smoke, but also accidentialy breath smoky. Young people could know how is the real smoker coughing up lungs in the morning and protect themselves by saying no to this bad habit.

Over all, I feel strongly that all government could begin by banning advertising cigarette in public places like supermarkets,squares,streets,workplaces or mass transportation.My friends and I have been conducting anti-smoking campaign in our town.

Let's see:

"Even thought it is true that there is a definite link between smoking and bronchial trouble, lung cancer and heart desease, many government seem hear, see, smell no evil. A few nations have been taking timid measures. This essay will outline some of the advantages against allowing smoking in public places.

Nowadays, people go to public places such as cinemas,restaurants, or bars after long days at offices. Smoking in these places should be completely banned. It not only helps humans to be healthy, but also help keeping the cities clean. A 2004 study showed that in New Jersey, bars and restaurants have had more than nine times the level of indoor air pollution opposite to its neighbor in New York city. Research also gave evidents that toxin exposure in employees and customers decreased significantly after the policy impoves air quality in public places. Where is your citation for this research?

Furthemore, governments should warn citizens of the dire consequences of smoking to young people. We can see in most cigarette packets the sentence "Smoking is harmful to your health" or "Smoking can lead you to disease." Even though they are warned, people still smoke a lot and spend as much money on smoking as food. Smoking not only is harmful to smokers it effects people in the area who do not smoke, but breathe the same smoky air. Young people should know how the real smoker is coughing up lungs in the morning and protect themselves by saying no to this bad habit.

Over all, I feel strongly that all governments should begin by banning advertising cigarette in public places like supermarkets, squares, streets,workplaces or mass transportation."

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com