EF_Team5
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Good afternoon!
I enjoyed your essay, you make some very good points. Here are my suggestions:
The Great Gatsby is (Change to "was") written by F. Scott Fitzgerald, and is considered one of the best novels to depict the Jazz age (Capitalize because it is a proper noun.) (the era after the World War 1)
During the year 1920 (Change this to "Beginning in the year 1920" because this era lasted for more than one year.) (The Jazz age, the era just after world war I has ended (Remove this because of redundancy-you have already told us this.) ) America has gone through (How about changing this to " had experienced") prosperity, (Insert "and") this sudden change in economy lead to the development of the American dream (The Jazz Age did not foster the American dream; it was there beforehand. You could mention something like the Jazz Age spurred on the American dream, but this statement sounds like you are saying there was no American dream before the Jazz Age, and this just isn't so.) , which is founded one the belief that everyone could become rich, and money could buy anything, including love and happiness, (Change this to a semi colon.) however this doctrine didn't last too long, as in year 1930 the great depression (This needs to be capitalized as it is a proper noun.) hit America pretty hard, and the American dream is (Change this to "was") no longer reality but a myth. The Great Gatsby shows two views between the time of prosperity and the great depression, (Capitalize and change the comma to a semi colon.) one view could be seen as romantic and exciting, and (Remove) the other as crude, corrupt, and disgusting; (Change this to a period.) the (Capitalize.) significance of these views is to depict the Jazz age where two views could be seen. (Reword this phrase to be more clear: "The significance of this is to see duality during the Jazz Age." At the beginning of the novel the exciting view is seen first.
At the beginning of the Jazz age (Capitalize) , which was the time of prosperity, (Remove because of redundancy.) there were (Change to "was") a lot of excitements (Change to "excitement") because of the sudden economic change. F. Scott Fitzgerald tried to express these excitements (Change to "this excitement") in a variety of ways, (Change this to a semi colon) through people, places and events. An example of using (Change to "showing this") excitement through people is when Nick describes his cousin Daisy (Place a period here and begin your next sentence with the quote.) "there (Capitalize) was an excitement in her voice that men who had cared for her found difficult to forget". (Place your period within the quotation mark. Also, this needs to be cited; refer to your citation style to find out how to properly cite quotations, as they are all different.) A second excitement example that's related to (Reword this to something such as "A second example of excitement displayed through places and people is when...") place and people is used when Nick describes his adventurous trip to New York Insert a period here and begin your next sentence with the quote. Again, refer to your citation style for exact quotation format.) "there was laughter from unheard jokes, and lighted cigarettes outlined unintelligible gestures inside. Imagining that I, too, was hurrying toward gayety and sharing their intimate excitements"(Insert a period here.) A third excitement example that's related to place and event is used when Daisy visits Gatsby's mansion, and Nick describes the atmosphere "Outside the wind was loud and there was a faint flow of thunder along the Sound. All the lights were going on in West Egg now; the electric trains, men-carrying, were plunging home through the rain from New York. It was the hour of a profound human change, and excitement was generating on the air" (Reword this to something like, "A third example portraying excitement through people and places is Daisy's visit to Gatsby's mansion. Nick describes the atmosphere as thus: "Outside...." Make sure you cite.) A fourth excitement example that's related to event is used at one of Gatsby's parties as people are laughing, dancing, and having a lot of fun.
(Change to "example of excitement that is related to an event is the description when illustrating Gatsby's parties; people are laughing, dancing, and having a lot of fun." Also, do not use contractions in academic writing, as it is improper.)
Romantic views were (Change to "A romantic viewpoint was") used mainly to signify the American dream that developed (See my earlier note regarding this.) during the Jazz age (Capitalize) , the corruption that stemmed from the American dream, and to signify the contrast of social strata. Jay Gatsby believed in the American dream (Insert a comma after "dream" and then add "and") that by becoming rich he could win Daisy's love as he did illegal activities (bootlegging) to become rich (Reword this: as it stands it doesn't make sense and it is not relevant. You could change it to something like, "...even though he made his fortune by bootlegging illegal liquor..." . The American dream had corrupted Americans, (Insert "as") there were (Change to "was") a lot of cheating involved (Change to "occurring" and then insert a period. Begin your next sentence with "Daisy...".) as (Remove) Daisy cheated on Tom by having a secrete (Spelling-"secret") affair with Gatsby, Tom cheated on Daisy by having a secrete (Spelling-"secret") affair with Myrtle Wilson, and Nick cheated by having an affair with Jordan without breaking up with his previous girl friend (One word- "girlfriend".) . The American dream turned out to be an illusion or a myth as Gatsby wasn't able to win Daisy. Tom and Daisy (Change to "Daisy's" to denote posession-it was partly her affair.) relationship wasn't romantic, (Remove) as it was based on social class; Jordan and Nick (Change to "Nick's" to denote posession-it was partly his affair.) relationship was based on the relationship of others, (Change this to a period because you are ending this idea and starting another one.) Daisy and Gatsby (Change to "Gatsby's" to denote posession-it was partly his affair.) relationship was the only romantic relationship in the novel, and the failure to succeed in a romantic relationship marks the decline of the American dream. (I am confused here; you have not mentioned that being in a successful relationship is part of the American dream. It is not, in fact, part of it. The American dream is that everyone can hold a good job and own their own home with equal opportunity; it doesn't have anything to do with relationships. If you are going to state that this is part of the American dream, you need to specify so earlier in your essay, as it is too late in the text to introduce a new idea without substantial backing. It seems to appear out of nowhere.
Corruption, cruelty and unpleasant views were used to warn people of the danger of the American dream (Were all of these things used to warn against working hard and having nice things? No; they were used to warn against greed and the temptation of corruption. These are two different subjects, and the novel does not take a stand that it is against "the American dream". It foreshadows what can happen when individuals get too greedy and are not responsible.), and to foreshadow the decline of the American dream (Again, I would perhaps stay away from making assertions that the text does not back up. You could state that the text foreshadows the consequences of greed and corruption. That is something that would stand up to intense scrutiny based on the use of the text.) . Examples of unpleasant scenes are (Insert "ones") such as Gatsby's mansion that looked freaky (I can appreciate your use of this word here, but will your instructor appreciate it when used in a final draft for a grade? If not, please chose another word (i.e. ostentatious, over the top, extravagant, etc.) (full of vulgarity, and had a gothic library), the hot summer, the Ash Valley (a place for incinerating garbage), people getting shot, people cheating and committing adultery, lying, racism, social class stereotype (Change to "stereotyping") , doing (Change to "partaking in" or "taking part in") illegal activities such as bootlegging to become rich, and g (Insert a period here to end your thought. You have quite a list here, but no examples from the text to back them up. I would suggest picking a couple out of this list and then citing specific examples of what you are trying to explain to clarify.)
Clearly there are two views in The Great Gatsby, one view is pleasant and the other view is unpleasant, (Change to a period.) and (Capitalize) the significance of using two opposing views is to bring the Jazz age (Capitalize "Age".) into perspective (Insert a comma here) which was marked by the American dream (Again, I would refrain from this assumption. You could instead say something like "...liberal excesses..." or "...extreme indulgences..." something that the text portrayed specifically . Most of the pleasant views were illusions, were (I believe you mean "where".) you see people are (Change to "people appear to be...") excited and happy but in reality they (Remove) are not, (Replace with a period.) and (Remove) the (Capitalize) unpleasant views are used to highlight the corruption of the American dream which was based on the belief that everyone is equal by means having an equal opportunity to become rich, and be able to get anything (Remove to eliminate redundancy.) . Jay Gatsby's only fault was in (Remove) believing in the American dream hoping (How about specifying what he believed exactly; that he could cheat and steal and take what he wanted when he wanted it.) that he could win Daisy's love (Insert a period here.) however (Capitalize and add a comma.) because such (Insert "a") doctrine is false, it lead to his downfall and tragic death. The moral of the story is that love and happiness can not be purchased with money, and people should be aware of the dangers of the mythical American dream (Again, I would stay away from generalizations made without the text to provide substance. Perhaps change to something more concrete, such as "...away of the dangers of thinking that happiness and wealth can be taken for free..." or "...of the dangers of selfishness and greed..." and its corruptions.
Best of luck!
Regards,
Gloria
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Gloria, EssayForum.com
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yahman
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Edited by: Moderator
Dec 19, 08, 04:13pm ¦ #6
Attached on merging:
The Great Gatsby
a while back I did an essay on this topic and didn't do very well. I decided to give it another shot: the essay is about showing two opposing views that could be seen in the novel and explaining the significance of these views.
Student Name: Yaman Asaf
Course: ENG4U-A
Date:
The Great Gatsby Double Vision
There are only few people that know the term "Jazz music" implies a type of music played during the Jazz Age (the era after the World War I). The Great Gatsby is considered to be one of the greatest love stories, and one of the best novels to depict the Jazz Age. During this time everything appears to be excessive, confusing, and unreal. The novel explores the American dream in this time and relates it to this excessiveness. The author F. Scott Fitzgerald successfully demonstrated the social and economical conditions by contrasting two opposing views, in which one view is pleasant, glamorous, romantic and exciting, and the other is unpleasant, crude, corrupt, and even disgusting. These contradictory views could be seen in places, events, and people that are mentioned in the novel.
Some of the places in The Great Gatsby showed pleasant views, and others showed unpleasant views. East Egg is described by Nick as a beautiful place "Across the courtesy bay the white palaces of fashionable East Egg glittered along the water" [1] and also he provides a contradictory view "The whole town is desolate. All the cars have the left rear wheel painted black as a mourning wreath, and there's a persistent wail all night along the north shore." [2]. West Egg could be seen as raw, unstructured, frightening in one view and on the other hand it's seen as a pleasant place where people come from any place to have fun at Gatsby's parties, and it's considered a place full of potential as Nick quotes "some unbelievable guest might arrive, and a person infinitely rare, and to be marveled at" [3]. New York also have pleasant views just like West Egg, it's full of possibilities and potentialities. Nick imagines "romantic women" in New York to highlight the romantic view; exciting views could also be seen as Nick describes his adventure to New York "There was laughter from unheard jokes, and lighted cigarettes outlines unintelligible gestures inside. Imagining that I, too, was hurrying toward gayety and sharing their intimate excitement" [4] New York could also have unpleasant view, it's a place where people cheat, an example would be Tom having an affair with Myrtle at New York, and it's full of violence for an example Henry L. Palmetto commits suicide in front of a subway train, and Rosy Rosenthal gets killed. The Valley of Ashes is utterly a disgusting place, as it's a place where there is no love, no life, and no god. Nick describes the unpleasant view of this place "This is a Valley of Ashes- a fantastic farm where ashes grow like wheat into ridges, and hills and grotesque gardens; where ashes take the forms of houses and chimneys and rising smoke and, finally with a transcendent effort, of men who move dimly and already crumbling through the powdery air" [5] The Valley of Ashes doesn't have any pleasant views because it serves to contrast New York and the Eggs. The significance of having opposing views in places is to show how economical conditions affect places. For an example: East Egg is compared with West Egg to show that old rich people live in a well established and structured place whereas New rich people live in raw, and unstructured place. The Ashe Valley is inhabited by the poorest people and seen to be one of the most disgusting places of all places mentioned. Places affect characters as they enter and leave the place, and economy also affects characters.
Moreover characters are examined by contrasting the main characters for pleasant and unpleasant views. Daisy is described as a fairy tale girl as quoted "High in a white palace the king's daughter, the golden girl..." [6] This implies that she's a dream type of a woman as it serves to highlight the romantic view. Daisy is also seen as glamorous as quoted "her face was sad and lovely with bright things in it, bright eyes, and a bright passionate mouth, but there was an excitement in her voice that men who had cared for her found difficult to forget" [7] Daisy's undesirable view is seen in her dishonesty as she meets Gatsby and doesn't tell Tom about it, and is seen in her carelessness about things, as she is accused of a hit and run driver during Myrtle accident. Jordan is much like Daisy in way, she is a fairy tale woman as quoted "both in white and their dresses...rippling and fluttering as if they had just been blown back in after a short flight around the house."[8] Mostly Jordan shows undesirable views, as she is not as glamorous as Daisy, she has an athletic body that is a masculine type of body, she is not physically attractive as myrtle nor Daisy, she is dishonest as she cheats when playing golf and act as facilitator of a dishonest act when helping Gatsby with his affair with Daisy, she is insecure as she seeks attention from poplar girls in town, she is a careless driver as well, she is not romantic and a material type of girl. Tom is rich, ignorant, racist, and aggressive type of person which made him a despicable character as quoted by Nick "there were men at New Haven who hated his guts" [9]; and he could also be seen as a cruel and frightening person as Nicks narrates " Not even the effeminate swank of his riding clothes could hide the enormous power of that body- he seemed to fill those glistening boots until he strained the top lacing, and you could see a great pack of muscles shifting when his shoulder moved under his thin coat. It was a body capable of enormous leverage- a cruel body "[10]. There were desirable views that could be seen in Tom such that he is considered to be a romantic person, and a humorous person, an example of his humor could be seen when he makes racist remarks and Daisy laughs at him, and when he makes remarks about Gatsby's car to be a circus wagon which makes the reader laugh, his masculine type of body makes him a glamorous and good looking figure. He is also seen as an innocent child as quoted by Nick "I felt suddenly as though I was talking to a child" [11] which make him a desirable character. Gatsby is glamorous, he brings excitement as he hosts parties which are exciting and fun, and he is seen as a romantic figure. Gatsby has been seen as a criminal as some people talked about him and accused him of being a friend of Wolfshiem, and he may have murdered someone, he was also accused of doing illegal activities such as bootlegging behind the drugstore counters he allegedly owns. Nick is considered to be an ideal character to show the duality during the Jazz age because he is known to be full of contradictions, and he is a person who could see things in two ways. One view he is seen as romantic as quoted "I liked to walk up to Fifth Avenue and pick out romantic women from the crowd and imagine that in a few minutes I was going to enter into their lives..." [12] Nick is like the other characters, he is also dishonest as he had an affair with a woman in his office before breaking up with the woman from his hometown, and he acted as a facilitator in doing a dishonest act as he brings Daisy to his house to meet Gatsby. Wilson desirable views could be seen in his weakness as was quoted by Nick "Wilson is a blond spiritless man, anemic" [13] and quoted by Tom "He is so dumb he doesn't know he's alive" [14] his weakness and honesty for not cheating on his wife highlights the desirable view about Wilson. The undesirable view could also be seen in Wilson as he is not glamorous and good looking as the other characters, he kills Gatsby, and simply he is seen as a death figure. Myrtle is seen as a glamorous person as quoted by Nick "There was an immediately perceptible vitality about her as if the nerves of her body were continually smoldering" [15] Sexual excitement could also be seen as Myrtle describes her meeting with Tom "I was so excited that when I got into a taxi with him I didn't hardly know I wasn't getting into a subway train. All I kept thinking about, over and over, was you can't live forever, you can't live forever" [16]. The undesirable view could be seen as she is a dishonest person who cheats on her husband, she is a social pretender as was quoted by Nick "The intense vitality that had been so remarkable in the garage was converted into impressive hauteur, her laughter, her gestures, her assertions became more violently affected moment by moment..." [17], she is a violent person just like Tom, she fights and shouts at her husband, and she shouts at Tome when she tries to get on his nerves by calling out loud "Daisy! Daisy! Daisy!" shouted Mrs. Wilson. "I'll say it whenever I want to! Daisy! Dai——" [18], she is a careless person like the other characters, and her carelessness lead to her death when she was crossing the street without paying any attention to incoming cars. All characters were contrasted and showed opposing views to signify that economical conditions affects social conditions which could be seen in characters contrasted differences. For an example: Rich people are seen as more glamorous, snobby, violent, careless and aloof people whereas poor people are seen to be less glamorous, more innocent, and have more fun in their lives. Characters are affected by economical condition, places they inhabit, and in turn they affect the outcome of events as they create them.
Moreover major events are contrasted for opposing views. Gatsby's parties show energy, humor, and excitement of the social atmosphere of the twenties, where people drank, danced, laughed, and there were women who fought with men they claimed to be their husband. There are also undesirable views about Gatsby's parties, as the people attended them seemed to be fake, less realistic as some of them had animal names such as the Leeches, Doctor Webster, the Hornbeams, and a whole bunch of other animal names. Gatsby's last party is unpleasant as Nick quotes "There were the same people, the same profusion of champagne, the same many-colored, many-keyed commotion, but I felt an unpleasantness in the air, a pervading harshness that hadn't been there before" [19] Daisy's rejection of Gatsby's parties highlights the unpleasantness of one of Gatsby's parties. In contrast to Gatsby's parties, Tom's parties were utterly unpleasant as it was described small, claustrophobic, boring, unbearable as the smoke filled the room, and violent as Myrtle fights with Tom. There were other numerous unpleasant events ranging from all sorts of crimes and violence such as drinking alcohol which was prohibited at that time, Jordan cheating at sport, Gatsby and Wolfshiem were selling alcohol over the counter in their drugstores, Gatsby invites Nick to get involved in illegal business, Wolfshiems fixes the World Series, Tom assaults Myrtle, Ella Kaye possibly murdered Dan Cody, Daisy careless driving leads to Myrtle death, Gatsby possibly has killed a man, Tom assaulting both Daisy and Myrtle. Wilson kills Gatsby then kills himself. Gatsby's funeral was disturbing because such a great figure didn't have many people attending his funeral. The significance of having these opposing views in events is to show the corruption seen during the Jazz Age, for an example: taboos such as drinking alcohol were lifted; people became more careless, and more violent than before.
So far the opposing views for most of the major places, people and events were examined to illustrate the economical and social conditions that could be seen during the Jazz Age. Opposing views in places showed how economy affects the perspective of a place from being seen as the most pleasant and ordered place to the most disordered and disgusting place. Differing views in people showed how economical status affects the character from being pleasant and glamorous to being ugly and most disturbing. Also contradictory views in events showed that economical growth brings excitement and hopes; conversely it leads to corruption such as violence, and cheating. The Great Gatsby also played a role to explore the American dream during a time of corruption, where everything is seen as excessive, and excessiveness in dreaming could lead to undesirable outcome. Gatsby is considered to be a dreamer and he dreamt excessively which marked the end of his dreams and lead to his tragic death. Overall The Great Gatsby demonstrated a great sense of illusion and glamour that made the novel an exceptional model to depict the Jazz Age.
Works Cited
Fitzgerald, F. Scott. The Great Gatsby. New York: Scribner, 1999.
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