bizkitgirlzc
Member Threads: 28
Posts: 31 Joined: Feb 25, 07
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Edited by: Moderator
Sep 24, 07, 08:03pm ¦ #1
Hello, here is a college essay I'm writing for Reed College and their essay asks for to describe your interest in a liberal arts and science education and in Reed itself. Could someone help me with it? ____________________________________________________________ _________________
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Cindy Santander
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EF_Team2
Moderator Threads: 1
Posts: 2263 Joined: Mar 1, 06
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Edited by: EF_Team2
Sep 24, 07, 11:30pm ¦ #2
Greetings!
I think you've written a very good essay! The only recommendation that I would make is to spend another couple of sentences on Reed itself; you don't mention it until the very last word, and I suspect they would like to hear a little more about why you want to attend their school in particular, as opposed to any other liberal arts school. Aside from that, I think you've done an excellent job of explaining how your interests expanded from science to encompass the arts and social sciences as well.
Good work!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
Sarah, EssayForum.com
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bizkitgirlzc
Member Threads: 28
Posts: 31 Joined: Feb 25, 07
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Is it better now? It's suppose to be a 300-500 word essay, is it okay for it to be 501? ____________________________________________________________ ________________
When I was in middle school, I didn't give it too much thought in applying to high school. I knew that I wanted to be in one of the three specialized science high schools – Stuyvesant, Bronx Science or Brooklyn Technical. I ended up in the latter. And so I went along with what fate had decided for me – I attended Brooklyn Tech. My decision seemed simple at the time considering that I was being offered to go to one of the top schools in New York City. How could I possibly refuse?
But I didn't think. I didn't think about the 4,000 other high school students that would be attending or about the student body that studied as fiercely or fiercer than I did or about the immense competition. All in all, I didn't give Brooklyn Tech too much thought. I just went.
It wasn't until I began my third week there that I realized that in this school I was just another number – a statistic. But I didn't transfer out, like so many had done and that was because in some twisted, distorted way, I liked Brooklyn Tech. It was full of diversity, a cultural wonderland where I had friends from all different backgrounds and who were as ambitious and as studious as I was. Yet something was missing, something essential.
I went to Tech because I wanted to learn science in a way that no other school offered. But I ended up discovering that I could love the arts, the social sciences as well. And those too I wanted to learn about. Sooner than later, I began to realize that I wasn't fitting in with the "Technite" mentality anymore. And the reason was simple – I just wanted to learn. I didn't care for my monetary ambitions as much, because they didn't seem as important as contributing to humanity or learning. In short, I wanted to know and they wanted the dough.
But the more classes I took, the more interdisciplinary I craved to be. I didn't want to be specified in just one area, I wanted to mix science with art – I wanted to see Marie Curie and Salvador Dali do wonders. I didn't stop at chemistry and turn my back on history, I combined them.
I realized that it was okay for me to love the physical sciences and still crave the liberal arts – to love anthropology and genetics. And most importantly, it was okay for me to want to learn and not care about whether I was going to end up a millionaire or not because there were others like me too; others who enjoyed intellectual stimulation for nonprofit reasons.
It was then when I decided that the college I would attend would let me combine my passions. It would allow me to be myself. It would have a small student body, unlike my current school. It would be an intellectual atmosphere where learning was loved above all else. It would be paradise. It would be Reed.
Cindy Santander
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EF_Team2
Moderator Threads: 1
Posts: 2263 Joined: Mar 1, 06
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Greetings!
I like what you've done with the ending! Very nice!
If the word limit is 500, you should not go over 500; however, that is easily fixed by rewriting your first sentence like this:
When I was in middle school, I didn't give much thought to applying to high school.
And a couple of corrections: And those, too, I wanted to learn about. Sooner, rather than later,
Best of luck in your studies!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
Sarah, EssayForum.com
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