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Reed Essay (interest in a liberal arts and science education)


bizkitgirlzc
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   Edited by: Moderator     Sep 24, 07, 08:03pm ¦ #1

Hello, here is a college essay I'm writing for Reed College and their essay asks for to describe your interest in a liberal arts and science education and in Reed itself. Could someone help me with it?
____________________________________________________________ _________________

// removed //

Cindy Santander


EF_Team2
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   Edited by: EF_Team2     Sep 24, 07, 11:30pm ¦ #2

Greetings!

I think you've written a very good essay! The only recommendation that I would make is to spend another couple of sentences on Reed itself; you don't mention it until the very last word, and I suspect they would like to hear a little more about why you want to attend their school in particular, as opposed to any other liberal arts school. Aside from that, I think you've done an excellent job of explaining how your interests expanded from science to encompass the arts and social sciences as well.

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Sarah, EssayForum.com


bizkitgirlzc
Member
Threads: 28
Posts: 31
Joined: Feb 25, 07


       Sep 25, 07, 09:18pm ¦ #3

Is it better now? It's suppose to be a 300-500 word essay, is it okay for it to be 501?
____________________________________________________________ ________________

When I was in middle school, I didn't give it too much thought in applying to high school. I knew that I wanted to be in one of the three specialized science high schools – Stuyvesant, Bronx Science or Brooklyn Technical. I ended up in the latter. And so I went along with what fate had decided for me – I attended Brooklyn Tech. My decision seemed simple at the time considering that I was being offered to go to one of the top schools in New York City. How could I possibly refuse?

But I didn't think. I didn't think about the 4,000 other high school students that would be attending or about the student body that studied as fiercely or fiercer than I did or about the immense competition. All in all, I didn't give Brooklyn Tech too much thought. I just went.

It wasn't until I began my third week there that I realized that in this school I was just another number – a statistic. But I didn't transfer out, like so many had done and that was because in some twisted, distorted way, I liked Brooklyn Tech. It was full of diversity, a cultural wonderland where I had friends from all different backgrounds and who were as ambitious and as studious as I was. Yet something was missing, something essential.

I went to Tech because I wanted to learn science in a way that no other school offered. But I ended up discovering that I could love the arts, the social sciences as well. And those too I wanted to learn about. Sooner than later, I began to realize that I wasn't fitting in with the "Technite" mentality anymore. And the reason was simple – I just wanted to learn. I didn't care for my monetary ambitions as much, because they didn't seem as important as contributing to humanity or learning. In short, I wanted to know and they wanted the dough.

But the more classes I took, the more interdisciplinary I craved to be. I didn't want to be specified in just one area, I wanted to mix science with art – I wanted to see Marie Curie and Salvador Dali do wonders. I didn't stop at chemistry and turn my back on history, I combined them.

I realized that it was okay for me to love the physical sciences and still crave the liberal arts – to love anthropology and genetics. And most importantly, it was okay for me to want to learn and not care about whether I was going to end up a millionaire or not because there were others like me too; others who enjoyed intellectual stimulation for nonprofit reasons.

It was then when I decided that the college I would attend would let me combine my passions. It would allow me to be myself. It would have a small student body, unlike my current school. It would be an intellectual atmosphere where learning was loved above all else. It would be paradise. It would be Reed.

Cindy Santander


EF_Team2
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Joined: Mar 1, 06


       Sep 25, 07, 11:23pm ¦ #4

Greetings!

I like what you've done with the ending! Very nice!

If the word limit is 500, you should not go over 500; however, that is easily fixed by rewriting your first sentence like this:

When I was in middle school, I didn't give much thought to applying to high school.

And a couple of corrections:
And those, too, I wanted to learn about. Sooner, rather than later,

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Sarah, EssayForum.com



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