The world will get more riddled with war - scholarship essay

I am working on a scholarship essay that has to be at least 500 words. However, at this point, my mind is blank, and I cannot come up with any more words to add to it. Can anyone give me suggestions?

Here's the question

Many experts believe that the world will continue to get more riddled with war and violence over the course of the next ten years. Either agree or disagree with this statement and explain your rationale.



My essay:

The circle of violence has fathered our lifestyles. The world has suffered so much under numerous rulers. In Iraq, different religious groups have been fighting over religious ideologies for decades. The people of Iraq were voiceless, because of the dictator who once ruled the country. And now, they remain voiceless because of the terrorists who terrorize their lives daily. Consequently, thousands of woman and children are caught between the rings of fire burning in their country. However, I truly believe that the key reason why there is so much violence in the world is because of the poverty level in undeveloped nations, such as Iraq, Columbia, and Kosovo.

Consequently, woman and children are forced to live in unsanitary living conditions, where there is no food or clean water. Terrorist group's, such as Al-Qaeda, bread in war constricted countries, and as a result, they bribe small children who are desperate for shelter or food with money to carry out their cowardly attacks.

Greetings!

I think you have a good start here! You've begun by pointing out some of the problems. But what the question is asking is whether you agree or disagree that the war and violence will get worse. You need to be sure to address this specific question, and not just talk about the causes of violence. If you think the situation will get worse, explain why; if not, explain why not. You might want to address the politics involved and whether other countries, such as the U.S. and E.U. nations, will contribute to a solution (or worsening) of the problem.

A few editing tips:

"the poverty level in undeveloped nations, such as Iraq, Columbia, and Kosovo." - It's "Colombia"; and Kosovo is a province of Serbia, not a country. You could say "regions."

Terrorist groups [no apostrophe], such as Al-Qaeda, breed [not bread] in war constricted countries,

You make it sound as though most al-Qaeda attacks are carried out by small children, which is not the case. Be wary of making overly broad statements.

I think you've got a good opening; just concentrate on answering the specific question asked and you'll be fine!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

I'm still a little stumped on how I should present this essay for this scholarship. Does anyone have any ideas as to how I should present a persuasive essay? What should I talk about?


Thanks!

Greetings!

If the prompt you are supposed to write from says to "Either agree or disagree with this statement and explain your rationale" then that is precisely what you must do. Begin by stating the proposition, "Many experts believe that the world will continue to get more riddled with war and violence over the course of the next ten years" and then say either, "I agree with the experts who say this" or "I disagree..." and tell why. The persuasiveness of your essay will depend upon how well you use facts to bolster your position.

Best of luck!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

what would be a catchy way of beginning this essay? i was thinking about starting it off with an example but i am not sure if I should, or if it is good or allowed to, and I also don't want to waste words.

Greetings!

You make a good point. When there is a word limit, you have to be sure to make every word count. My feeling is that because the instructions explicitly state: "Either agree or disagree with this statement" you should begin with the statement and then state your position on it. "Catchy" may not or may not be helpful with this one.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

I have to do this essay too what is the website for this essay. My email is dellmyster@hotmail.com

http://www.elpublishers.com/content/scholarship-voiceofthefu ture.php

Thank you for your help!

I am finished with this essay, but can anyone help me edit my essay privatly without having to post it here?

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Unless another member could help; we can only provide free help here.

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I could help