Sergelen
Anonymous
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Edited by: Moderator
Dec 3, 06, 08:53pm ¦ #1
It's reaction paragraph. please check it to me
Author suggested, "Protecting the low feelings of a student is more important than celebrating another's high accomplishments." I agree with that. Encouraging the high accomplishment student is right but they should attend to students who have the low grades. Because of that the students who have low grades they start get into the trouble. Also they will not be interest in the school life. In addition their parents feel irritated to their children. School shouldn't separate the students to their honor rolls.
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EF_Team2
Moderator
Posts: 2319
Joined: Mar 1, 06
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Greetings!
You make some valid points to support your opinion--congratulations! Let's take a look at your paragraph:
"Author suggested, "Protecting the low feelings of a student is more important than celebrating another's high accomplishments."
You need to start with "The author suggested."
"Encouraging the high accomplishment student is right but they should attend to students who have the low grades. Because of that the students who have low grades they start get into the trouble. Also they will not be interest in the school life. "
These three sentences can be combined: "Encouraging the highly accomplished student is right, but they should also attend to students who have low grades, because these are the students that may get into trouble and be disinterested in school life."
"In addition their parents feel irritated to their children."
Just a couple of small changes: add a comma after "addition," and change "to" to "toward."
"School shouldn't separate the students to their honor rolls."
Your meaning might be more clear if you said something like, "Honor rolls separate students, and schools shouldn't use them."
OK, there you go. Best of luck!
Sarah, EssayForum.com
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