Foreign Student from Brazil essay

· For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.


The Latin words "Vires, Artes, Mores" have each been reflected in my life in some way or another. These morals when taught the right way can positively lead an individual into a successful path. These words have not only guided the students at Florida State University, they have made also me the person I am today.
Vires signifies moral, physical, and intellectual strength. This moral has been extremely beneficial through all my high school years whether it is by trying to achieve a straight "A" average or just trying to fit in. With dedication and the values of vires I have achieved both of those merits among many others. Friendships, studies, and injuries have tested me in the past year and with the guidance of Vires I was able to chose right from wrong.
Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft or art. Since I was a little boy I've been interested in creative pottery. Although many people take pottery for granted, It has taught me many useful skills in life. For example, to make a vase I have to create small coils that individually do not seem to make a big difference in the overall construction. In the end, however, every coil comes together to create an inspiring piece of art. Similarly in life, small actions I made may not have been pivotal at the time, but in perspective, each and every one of them have made me the person I am today.
Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Growing up in Brazil I heard people saying character is who you are when no one is around. I completely agree with this saying. I never hesitate to help others whether it is by tutoring friends or giving away the last dollar in my pocket to a hungry friend. I lead by exemplary character and all my friends trust me. Although I am not from the United States and English is not my native language, I have broken this cultural barrier with determination and effort. I have learned leadership skills and I constantly raise the bar in order to achieve success in all areas.
Whether it is by raising the bar in academics or helping others, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have guided me into becoming a successful person. I plan to continue excelling at Florida State University. If I am accepted, I will bring with me all of these attributes and more in my quest to becoming as successful as possible.

I would really appreciate if you could revise my essay.
thank you so much, Leo

Good evening.

Here are my suggestions:

"he Latin words "Vires, Artes, Mores" have each been reflected in my life in some way or another. These morals when taught the right way can positively lead an individual into a successful path. These words have not only guided the students at Florida State University, they have made also me the person I am today. Good opening.
Vires signifies moral, physical, and intellectual strength. This moral has been extremely beneficial through all my high school years whether it is by trying to achieve a straight "A" average or just trying to fit in. With dedication and the values of vires I have achieved both of those merits among many others. Friendships, studies, and injuries have tested me in the past year and with the guidance of Vires I was able to chose right from wrong. Good transitional paragraph.
Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft or art. Since I was a little boy I've Avoid contractions in formal academic writing. been interested in creative pottery. Although many people take pottery for granted, It has taught me many useful skills in life. For example, to make a vase I have to create small coils that individually do not seem to make a big difference in the overall construction. In the end, however, every coil comes together to create an inspiring piece of art. Similarly in life, small actions I made may not have been pivotal at the time, but in perspective, each and every one of them have made me the person I am today. Nice parallel.
Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Growing up in Brazil I heard people saying character is who you are when no one is around. I completely agree with this saying. I never hesitate to help others whether it is by tutoring friends or giving away the last dollar in my pocket to a hungry friend. I lead by exemplary character and all my friends trust me. Although I am not from the United States and English is not my native language, I have broken this cultural barrier with determination and effort. I have learned leadership skills and I constantly raise the bar in order to achieve success in all areas.
Whether it is by raising the bar in academics or helping others, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have guided me into becoming a successful person. I plan to continue excelling at Florida State University. If I am accepted, I will bring with me all of these attributes and more in my quest to becoming as successful as possible." Great closing.

Overall, a very good essay that answers the prompt easily.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

thank you so much gloria!
i really appreciate your help and comments :]