"One more shot" - common application short question (150 words) Help

"One more shot. Just gimme another shot. Don't give up!"
"Yes!"
We win the game. Here I stood in the stadium, waving my fist, shouting and applauding for my team, Turkey, to win their first table tennis victory. As a 2007 Special Olympics volunteer, I knew the strenuous effort they've underwent to finally achieve today's applause.
Most of the player of the Special Olympics were mentally challenged, which, however, did not hinder their passion for sports. For an outsider, it could be a tiring and boring job living with these people, explain things to them over and over again, helping them training even take their hands to finish the game. Watching them playing games, I saw resilience, will and the confidence to face their fates. It inspired me till today.

Good afternoon.

Here are my suggestions:

"One more shot. Just gimme another shot. Don't give up!"
"Yes!"
We win the game. I stood in the stadium waving my fist, shouting and applauding for my team, Turkey, to win their first table tennis victory. As a 2007 Special Olympics volunteer, I knew the strenuous effort they had undergone to finally achieve today's applause.
Most of the players of the Special Olympics were mentally challenged, which did not hinder their passion for sports. For an outsider, it could be a tiring and boring job living with these people, explaining things to them over and over again, helping them training, even taking their hands to finish the game. Watching them playing games, I saw resilience, will, and the confidence to face their fates. It inspires me still today."

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

thanx a lot

You're very welcome.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com