Defining moments in people's lives - uc admissions essay

this is a rough [emphasize the ROUGH part] draft. i dont feel as though im answering the prompt. be honest! all help appreciated.

prompt-Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?



Most people, when they think of defining moments in their lives, think of life-shattering events, tragedies, or maybe even their first encounters with love. Well my defining moment was a much more subtle, but just as important, event.
I was a 4th grader year old with a short attention span, and it was my least favorite subject, math. My mind began to wander, and eventually I saw something that I found more worthy of my attention than math, a book. I grabbed the book from the class' library when the teacher had her back turned, and I spent the rest of that period reading it secretly by holding the book under my desk. I soon began neglecting all my other classes just to continue reading the book, so can you imagine my excitement when I found out the book had sequels? The book's title was Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K Rowling, and I'm sure you have heard of it.
To most kids, reading was limited to doing homework and other menial tasks, but to me, reading was so much more. It was a way to explore and experience things I knew I would never have the chance to in real life. I soon became a voracious reader, reading everything and anything I could get my hands on. When most were watching TV, playing video games, or out playing, I had my face buried in a book.
This bookworm quality I developed as a child has only helped me in my life. It has opened my mind to different ideas and states of mind. It has increased my vocabulary and has made taking AP English and Literature courses enjoyable because they entail what I love to do-read.
With my love of reading came a love of writing. The thrill of expressing ideas or creating stories and worlds with words is the first thing that hits me when assigned a paper for a class. This enthusiasm for writing is what drives me to further my education, major in English, and one day become a writer.
Because of that fateful day in the 4th grade, I see a page of text as having endless possibilities, a blank page as something to be filled, and any idea as something to explore and that is full of potential.

Good morning.

Here are my suggestions:

"Most people, when they think of defining moments in their lives, think of life-shattering events, tragedies, or maybe even their first encounters with love. My defining moment was a much more subtle, but just as important, event.
I was a 4th grader with a short attention span, and it was my least favorite subject, math. My mind began to wander, and eventually I saw something that I found more worthy of my attention than math, a book. I grabbed the book from the class' library when the teacher had her back turned, and I spent the rest of that period reading it secretly by holding the book under my desk. I soon began neglecting all my other classes just to continue reading the book. You can you imagine my excitement when I found out the book had sequels! The book's title was Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone(How should this be formatted?) by J.K Rowling, and I am sure you have heard of it.
To most kids, reading was limited to doing homework and other menial tasks, but to me, reading was so much more. It was a way to explore and experience things I knew I would never have the chance to in real life. I soon became a voracious reader, reading everything and anything I could get my hands on. When most were watching TV, playing video games, or out playing, I had my face buried in a book.
This bookworm quality I developed as a child has only helped me in my life. It has opened my mind to different ideas and states of mind. It has increased my vocabulary and has made taking AP English and literature courses enjoyable because they entail what I love to do: read.
With my love of reading came a love of writing. The thrill of expressing ideas or creating stories and worlds with words is the first thing that hits me when assigned a paper for a class. This enthusiasm for writing is what drives me to further my education, major in English, and one day become a writer.
Because of that fateful day in the 4th grade, I see a page of text as having endless possibilities, a blank page as something to be filled, and any idea as something to explore and that is full of potential."

Nice job; a good example and a great answer to the prompt. The essay flows well, good transitions are used, and the conclusion is a nice wrap-up. Good work.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

thank you!

You're very welcome.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com