"Project Big Dipper changed my mindset" - Common apps short question

Hi! I'll really appreciate it if you could help me proofread this. The question is 'In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).' Thanks!

I used to dread community service, but Project Big Dipper changed my mindset. Project Big Dipper is a mentoring programme for primary school students from dysfunctional families. I was in charge of planning and aiding the implementation of the students' curriculum. For once, I gained so much satisfaction from the students' happiness that I never failed to return each week till the project concluded. I realised true community service is never limited by its objectives – we may have come with the intention to tutor these students, but what we really want to give them is contentment and love, which they have been deprived of due to their family background. True community service stems from the heart to serve and can be 'addictive'. I finally understood how a small change (in my perception of service) could lead to a much greater one (in the children).

[144 words currently]

Good afternoon.

Here are my suggestions:

"I used to dread community service, but Project Big Dipper changed my mindset. Project Big Dipper is a mentoring programme for primary school students from dysfunctional families. I was in charge of planning and aiding the implementation of the students' curriculum. For once, I gained so much satisfaction from the students' happiness that I never failed to return each week till the project concluded. I realised true community service is never limited by its objectives – we may have come with the intention to tutor these students, but what we really want to give them is contentment and love, which they have been deprived of due to their family background. True community service stems from the heart and can be "addictive". I finally understood how a small change (in my perception of service) could lead to a much greater one (in the lives of children). "

Nice work. The essay is simple, yet to the point. You get a great deal of information packed into this small space, and I get the feeling that your true self does get to shine through, albeit briefly. Good job.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Thanks for your amendments. The comments sound encouraging too. :)

You are very welcome.

Good luck!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com