Help on editing UofM diversity ESSAY

ok, i have most of it written...this stupid liberal diversity essay (sorry if i offend anyone in that). I need some help with revising things like adjectives, the overall flow and focus, and whatever else you think. I also need to add a bit (its like 217 words)

Question: "We know that diversity makes us a better university – better for learning, for teaching, and for conducting research."
(U-M President Mary Sue Coleman)
Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment
on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan. (approx 250 wds.)



answer:
As Americans, we often see ourselves as different from the rest of the world, but we are simply a combination of an incalculable number of cultures. This was made apparent to me my senior year, when we received an exchange student named Florian from Germany.
Florian joined the Varsity tennis team, which I was already a part of; this gave me an opportunity to meet and talk to him, when otherwise I would not have. My friends and I had interesting conversations with him, mainly about the difference between our cultures and everyday life. I thought some customs that were normal in Germany seemed peculiar in the US, and he thought likewise. Most were little things like the food. I found it fascinating and accurate when he commented that the quality of our bread is somewhat disappointing, and also that we (us?) Americans tend to put nearly everything on bread in one form or another. (ie.: hamburgers, sandwiches, rolls)
I began to respect these cultural differences and realize that these are not only important, but vital to our own culture. With this knowledge and acceptance, I believe I have become more open to meeting new people, especially those from other cultures and upbringings. I know that this acceptance would greatly contribute to the already outstanding diversity at the University of Michigan.

Good evening.

Here are my suggestions:

"As Americans, we often see ourselves as different from the rest of the world, but we are simply a combination of an incalculable number of cultures. This was made apparent to me my senior year, when we received an exchange student named Florian from Germany.
Florian joined the Varsity tennis team, which I was already a part of; this gave me an opportunity to meet and talk to him (Remove comma) when otherwise I would not have. My friends and I had interesting conversations with him, mainly about the difference between our cultures and everyday life. I thought some customs that were normal in Germany seemed peculiar in the US, and he thought likewise. Most were little things like the food. I found it fascinating and accurate when he commented that the quality of our bread is somewhat disappointing, and also that we (us?) Americans tend to put nearly everything on bread in one form or another (for instance, hamburgers, sandwiches, and rolls).
I began to respect these cultural differences and realize that these are not only important, but vital to our own culture. With this knowledge and acceptance, I believe I have become more open to meeting new people, especially those from other cultures and upbringings. I know that this acceptance would greatly contribute to the already outstanding diversity at the University of Michigan."

You've got a very good essay here that clearly answers the prompt. Nice work.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com