Palm beach County's Zero Tolerance policy - UF essay

THis is my essay for UF, I would greatly appreciate it if anyone would read it and let me kno what they think. Thankyou


After a weekend of free diving and spear fishing in the glistening waters of the atlantic, only a brief slumber divides between the new week of school. Once freed by the bell we all wait anxiously in the parking lot for lacrosse practice to begin. Around in the crook of my trunk, one teammate notices my diving gear along with the spear gun, accidentally left in from the weekend. Cavalierly we discus local spots and interesting finds as he examines my gun. After being admired by the fellas for a bit we pack it in as we gear up for practice to start. As the team begins stretching out on the field a late mate runs to finds me among the helmets to let me know the entire Boca Raton Police Department has descended with full arms around my car. Sick with embarrassment, terror and wonder it doesn't hit me, the crime I've committed, until I'm on the path back to the lot; dangerous weapon brought onto public school property.
I get slapped hard in the face by Palm beach County's Zero Tolerance policy; expelled during the latter half of sophomore with no questions asked. All classes interrupted, separated from friends and thrown into an alien private school this may have been my most difficult portion of my high school career rivaled only by my return to Boca High the following January. Although difficult transitions, this taught me to become easily adaptable to new situations and such an unassuming crime that I committed also taught me to be much more wary and cautious about my actions and to double think for consequences. This new international private school opened my eyes up to an entirely vast global community while I worked myself through the ranks to the top of the school. Its strange how all this stems from my long standing passion for the ocean and marine life.
Post moving from my birthplace, Bogota Colombia, at the tender age of two Florida life is all I've known. Growing up in the white wash surf, my love for the most mystifying marvel in our world has lead me on a path from free diving in the Keyes, to scuba diving the largest reef off in Australia, to night diving with the great manta rays of Hawaii. Stemming from this deep-seeded passion and my love for animals it is with much passion enthusiasm that I wish to attend you're fine school to major in veterinary with one day earning a specialization in marine life, aquatic mammals in particular.
The amazingly adequate facilities upon your campus offer an infinite possibility of research that may hold keys to such drastic problems as the exponentially rapid population decline of sharks. It is with increasing anticipation that I long to be part of you're veterinary campus, to work with such researchers who were able to find the cure to Feline AIDS or who are currently striving to help the endangered manatee would be close to an ecstatic dream.

Good evening.

Because you did not include the prompt/assignment specifications, I have edited for grammar and mechanics only:

"After a weekend of free diving and spear fishing in the glistening waters of the Atlantic, only a brief slumber divides between the new week of school. Once freed by the bell we all wait anxiously in the parking lot for lacrosse practice to begin. Around in the crook of my trunk, one teammate notices my diving gear along with the spear gun, accidentally left in from the weekend. Cavalierly we discus local spots and interesting finds as he examines my gun. After being admired by the fellas for a bit we pack it in as we gear up for practice to start. As the team begins stretching out on the field a late mate runs to finds me among the helmets to let me know the entire Boca Raton Police Department has descended with full arms around my car. Sick with embarrassment, terror, and wonder it doesn't hit me, the crime I've committed, until I'm on the path back to the lot; a dangerous weapon brought onto public school property.
I get slapped hard in the face by Palm Beach County's Zero Tolerance policy; expelled during the latter half of sophomore year with no questions asked. All classes interrupted, separated from friends, and thrown into an alien private school; that may have been my most difficult portion of my high school career rivaled only by my return to Boca High the following January. Although a difficult transition, this taught me to become easily adaptable to new situations and such an unassuming crime that I committed also taught me to be much more wary and cautious about my actions and to double think for consequences. This new international private school opened my eyes up to an entirely vast global community while I worked myself through the ranks to the top of the school. It is strange how all this stems from my long standing passion for the ocean and marine life.
Post moving from my birthplace, Bogota Colombia, at the tender age of two, Florida life is all I've known. Growing up in the white wash surf, my love for the most mystifying marvel in our world has lead me on a path from free diving in the Keyes (Remove comma) to scuba diving the largest reef off in Australia, to night diving with the great manta rays of Hawaii. Stemming from this deep-seeded passion and my love for animals it is with much passion enthusiasm that I wish to attend your fine school to major in veterinary medicine with one day earning a specialization in marine life, aquatic mammals in particular.
The amazingly adequate facilities upon your campus offer an infinite possibility of research that may hold keys to such drastic problems as the exponentially rapid population decline of sharks. It is with increasing anticipation that I long to be part of your veterinary campus, to work with such researchers who were able to find the cure to feline AIDS or who are currently striving to help the endangered manatee would be close to an ecstatic dream."

Regards,
Gloria
Modertor, EssayForum.com

Good evening.

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Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com