"Next up, from New Jersey" - do you think I've answered the question?

What qualities or unique characterisitics do you possess that would allow yu to contribute to the UCF community?

I step onto the tee box to my name bellowing over the course's loud speaker, "Next up, _______ from _______, New Jersey". A quiet round of applause meets the pounding of my heart, and from the corner of my eye I catch my coach and my father looking on with anticipation. My feet steady and arms sure, I swing knowing that I could not have gotten to this point without focus, perseverance and dedication.
Golf is my passion, and I have found it to be challenging and rewarding both on and off the course. Golf challenged me on the course to focus on perfecting my swing, to persevere through hours of practice, and to dedicate myself to lowering my score, while at the same time rewarding me with a position on the Lenape High School varsity golf team. As a member of the team I have further learned how to step up and become a leader, and in this role I contributed to winning a state championship. The driving forces behind the lessons learned on the course have found parallels in my academic career. As a student, I have learned that success will not come without focusing on my schoolwork, persevering through homework, and dedicating myself to mastering my subjects.
The challenges and rewards of golf have shaped and defined my life while teaching me to be a better student, and a more mature young adult. I am ready to take the next step, and apply the lessons I have learned, by attending the University of Central Florida.

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ekinkler90 Member Threads: 3 Posts: 6 Joined: Sep 16, 08	Edited by: ekinkler90 Sep 26, 08, 09:47pm ¦ #1 What qualities or unique characterisitics do you possess that would allow yu to contribute to the UCF community? I step onto the tee box to my name bellowing over the course's loud speaker, "Next up, _______ from _______, New Jersey". A quiet round of applause meets the pounding of my heart, and from the corner of my eye I catch my coach and my father looking on with anticipation. My feet steady and arms sure, I swing knowing that I could not have gotten to this point without focus, perseverance and dedication. Golf is my passion, and I have found it to be challenging and rewarding both on and off the course. Golf challenged me on the course to focus on perfecting my swing, to persevere through hours of practice, and to dedicate myself to lowering my score, while at the same time rewarding me with a position on the Lenape High School varsity golf team. As a member of the team I have further learned how to step up and become a leader, and in this role I contributed to winning a state championship. The driving forces behind the lessons learned on the course have found parallels in my academic career. As a student, I have learned that success will not come without focusing on my schoolwork, persevering through homework, and dedicating myself to mastering my subjects. The challenges and rewards of golf have shaped and defined my life while teaching me to be a better student, and a more mature young adult. I am ready to take the next step, and apply the lessons I have learned, by attending the University of Central Florida. ellen kinkler

EF_Team5 Moderator Threads: - Posts: 2702 Joined: Apr 22, 08	Sep 26, 08, 11:43pm ¦ #2 Good evening. Grammatically and mechanically the essay is clean. If the word count allows, I suggest adding a little bit in the last paragraph about one or two exact lessons on the golf course that you have applied to your life or how you plan to apply them to your life on the UCF campus. Right now you've got a good foundation, and a few more details will really make the essay stand out. Regards, Gloria Moderator, EssayForum.com Gloria, EssayForum.com

ekinkler90 Member Threads: 3 Posts: 6 Joined: Sep 16, 08	Sep 27, 08, 08:06am ¦ #3 Good morning. Per our TOS, located at http://www.essayforum.com/disclaimer-privacy-tos: "13. Due to high volume of essay revision requests, we can only provide ONE revision of your essay. Please do not post your essay again once it has been commented on." Regards, Gloria Moderator, EssayForum.com ellen kinkler

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