Driving force in life - FSU undergrad essay

FSU prompt: For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life (in 500 or less words).


Everyone has a driving force in their life. For some, its money. For others, its fame. For me, its "artes". Raised outside of Seattle, Washington, I absorbed the unique, artistic culture of the city. Thus, I have always taken painting and drawing classes, and practiced piano and guitar for many years. Art gives me a positive outlet to express myself, and creatively tell stories. In this way, "artes" is reflected in my life- through my passion for art, and my study of art.
My infatuation for artistic expression developed in my childhood, when my parents surrounded me with music, art museums and encouragement. What began as a love of coloring books has blossomed into a passion for painting, photography and sketching. My desire to create fine art influences my daily life, and has shaped me into a creative and well-rounded person. Clearly, "artes" is reflected in my life through my passion for art.
Art study has also been a large influence in my life. My perception of the world has been greatly altered by the viewing of amazing art- I notice small details, fantastic color, and unique shapes all around me. In order to expand my knowledge of art and art history, I have enrolled in several art classes in my school, in subjects such as photography, 2-D art, and drama. These courses have opened my eyes to many new types of art, and have helped me to gain an appreciation for different artistic pursuits. My hard work and dedication to the art department caused the school to recognize me, and present me with a 9th grade drama award and 11th grade Advanced Photography award. Without a doubt, art study reflects "artes" in my life.
Attending Florida State University would give me an opportunity to develop my art skills and love for art, as I would like to pursue art as an occupation in my life. The beautiful campus, and artistic environment would serve to stimulate and illuminate me. "Artes" is an extremely important aspect of my life. It inspires me to view the world and my relationships with others in a unique way, and gives meaning to my life.

Word count: 362

i'd also appreciate any comments on the essay.. do you think its good, strong, well-written? thanks!

Good afternoon.

Here are my suggestions:

"Everyone has a driving force in their life. For some, it is money. For others, it is fame. For me, it is "artes." Raised outside of Seattle, Washington, I absorbed the unique, artistic culture of the city. Thus, I have always taken painting and drawing classes, and practiced piano and guitar for many years. Art gives me a positive outlet to express myself (Remove comma)[/font] and creatively tell stories. In this way, "artes" is reflected in my [font#FF0000]life through my passion for art (Remove comma) and my study of art.

My infatuation for artistic expression developed in my childhood, when my parents surrounded me with music, art museums, and encouragement. What began as a love of coloring books has blossomed into a passion for painting, photography, and sketching. My desire to create fine art influences my daily life, and has shaped me into a creative and well-rounded person. Clearly, "artes" is reflected in my life through my passion for art.

Art study has also been a large influence in my life. My perception of the world as been greatly altered by the viewing of amazing art- I notice small details, fantastic color, and unique shapes all around me. In order to expand my knowledge of art and art history, I have enrolled in several art classes in my school, in subjects such as photography, 2-D art, and drama. These courses have opened my eyes to many new types of art, and have helped me to gain an appreciation for different artistic pursuits. My hard work and dedication to the art department caused the school to recognize me (Remove comma) and present me with a 9th grade drama award and 11th grade Advanced Photography (This should not be capitalized.) award. Without a doubt, art study reflects "artes" in my life.
Attending Florida State University would give me an opportunity to develop my art skills and love for art, as I would like to pursue art as an occupation in my life. The beautiful campus (Remove comma) and artistic environment would serve to stimulate and illuminate me. "Artes" is an extremely important aspect of my life. It inspires me to view the world and my relationships with others in a unique way, and gives meaning to my life."

Good work. You have a strong voice and your committment shows in your writing.

Regards,
Gloria
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