COntent of my FSU essay: Vires, Artes, Mores

"Vires, Artes, Mores", the guiding philosophy behind any true Florida State Seminole. Furthermore, the philosophy I unconsciously follow. Strength, skill, and tradition appear as common words, but when looked in to in depth end up more and more complicated.
"Vires" represents strength. Moral Strength, physical strength, and intellectual strength. All of which I possess, but I had to be enlightened from somewhere. Where you might ask; well none other than my own home and by my own mother. Without her, I would not have the physical strength to be in marching band or play tennis. I would not have the moral strength to make logical decisions and always think about consequences. I also would not have the intellectual strength to have the unwieghted GPA of a 3.8 that I have today.
"Artes" refers to skill and arts, with my skills being in the art of music. Band has been a part of my life since the first day of fourth grade when I picked up that new clarinet. Moreover, I have no intentions of stopping now. In fact, I plan on minoring in music while attending Florida State and majoring in psychology.
"Mores" goes on to portray tradition. No one in my family has attended Florida State, but it has become a family custom to sheer for all athletics from the school. Being the first in my immediate family to attend a major university, it just seems right for Florida State to be that University.
As a prospective student, I believe every Florida State Seminole needs to live up to the code of "Vires, Artes, Mores". Therefore, I pledge to live up to that through my strength, skill, and tradition.

Good afternoon.

Here are my suggestions:

"Vires, Artes, Mores", the guiding philosophy behind any true Florida State Seminole. Furthermore, the philosophy I unconsciously follow. Strength, skill, and tradition appear as common words, but when looked in to in depth end up more and more complicated.
"Vires" represents strength. Moral strength, physical strength, and intellectual strength. All of which I possess, but I had to be enlightened from somewhere. Where you might ask; well none other than my own home and by my own mother. Without her, I would not have the physical strength to be in marching band or play tennis. I would not have the moral strength to make logical decisions and always think about consequences. I also would not have the intellectual strength to have the unweighted GPA of a 3.8 that I have today.
"Artes" refers to skill and arts, with my skills being in the art of music. Band has been a part of my life since the first day of fourth grade when I picked up that new clarinet. Moreover, I have no intentions of stopping now. In fact, I plan on minoring in music while attending Florida State and majoring in psychology.
"Mores" goes on to portray tradition. No one in my family has attended Florida State, but it has become a family custom to sheer for all athletics from the school. Being the first in my immediate family to attend a major university, it just seems right for Florida State to be that university.
As a prospective student, I believe every Florida State Seminole needs to live up to the code of "Vires, Artes, Mores". Therefore, I pledge to live up to that through my strength, skill, and tradition."

Good work!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Thank you so much for looking over this. In your opinion, do you think the content is good?

You're welcome. I do-you have a strong voice and it flows easily.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

I think your essay has good potential. I, too, am applying to FSU this semester, and right now, I'm trying to write up my essay. yours gave me some great ideas and inspiration. Thank you. Good luck getting in! And hope to see you there!