State of Maine, UNI of Florida Essay

When friends discover that I go to the state of Maine every summer, the response I usually get is, "Maine? What's in Maine?" After I explain to them that I visit my grandparents there each year, the idea of spending 2 weeks in a cabin, cut off from the world, without Internet access or a TV, repulses them. But this is what I love to do every summer, and have been doing so since I was an infant. Spending time in Maine each year has opened my eyes to different types of lifestyles, made me a more tolerant person, and increased my appreciation of art and culture.
Every summer that I travel to Maine is a unique experience. For 2 weeks, my family and I get to enjoy clear air, rolling hills, and sleepy towns. This short vacation from crowded South Florida always reminds me that most of the world does not have the same luxuries and priorities that many of us have in Broward County. Maine, and the North East in general, is focused greatly on building a "green" society, and place a lot of importance of being environmentally friendly. South Florida, for the most part, is more interested in material possessions and status. Visiting Maine gives me an opportunity to rejuvenate my "green side", and nurture my soul.
My entire life, I have been surrounded by many varied cultures. Growing up outside of Seattle, Washington, I was immersed in a large Asian and White community. Now that I live in Florida, I am largely involved in Spanish culture. And every year when I travel to Maine, I experience living in a French community. Being involved in these types of varied cultures has made me into a very tolerant person. I love to learn about different ethnicities, and I appreciate diversity. I am non-judgmental and open to new ideas and customs.
Maine's beautiful landscapes and seascapes cause thousands of artists to flock to its coasts each summer. The large artistic community that surrounds me when I travel to Maine serves to inspire and illuminate me. I enjoy contributing to this community by creating my own renditions of Maine's beauty. My appreciation for art and culture has been increased greatly by visiting Maine each summer. I have formed an understanding and admiration of beauty and culture, and this has made me into a better artist, and has changed my perception of the world- I notice small details, fantastic color, and unique shapes all around me.
My understanding of diversity, my tolerance, and my increased appreciation of art and culture will allow me to positively contribute to the University of Florida campus, and will greatly affect my college experience. These traits, along with my ability to be non-judgmental, will allow me to interact with many different types of people, and gain new knowledge from them. -- UNFINISHED


i would also appreciate any opinions you have on the essay (is it good, bad, needs a new idea, etc)

Good afternoon.

Here are my suggestions:

"When friends discover that I go to the state of Maine every summer, the response I usually get is, "Maine? What's in Maine?" After I explain to them that I visit my grandparents there each year, the idea of spending 2 weeks in a cabin, cut off from the world, without internet access or a TV, repulses them. But this is what I love to do every summer, and have been doing so since I was an infant. Spending time in Maine each year has opened my eyes to different types of lifestyles, made me a more tolerant person, and increased my appreciation of art and culture.
Every summer that I travel to Maine is a unique experience. For two weeks, my family and I get to enjoy clear air, rolling hills, and sleepy towns. This short vacation from crowded south Florida always reminds me that most of the world does not have the same luxuries and priorities that many of us have in Broward County. Maine, and the north east in general, is focused greatly on building a "green" society, and place a lot of importance on being environmentally friendly. South Florida, for the most part, is more interested in material possessions and status. Visiting Maine gives me an opportunity to rejuvenate my "green side" (Remove comma) and nurture my soul.
My entire life, I have been surrounded by many varied cultures. Growing up outside of Seattle, Washington, I was immersed in a large Asian and Caucasian community. Now that I live in Florida, I am largely involved in Spanish culture. And every year when I travel to Maine, I experience living in a French community. Being involved in these types of varied cultures has made me into a very tolerant person. I love to learn about different ethnicities, and I appreciate diversity. I am non-judgmental and open to new ideas and customs.
Maine's beautiful landscapes and seascapes cause thousands of artists to flock to its coasts each summer. The large artistic community that surrounds me when I travel to Maine serves to inspire and illuminate me. I enjoy contributing to this community by creating my own renditions of Maine's beauty. My appreciation for art and culture has been increased greatly by visiting Maine each summer. I have formed an understanding and admiration of beauty and culture, and this has made me into a better artist, and has changed my perception of the world- I notice small details, fantastic color, and unique shapes all around me.
My understanding of diversity, my tolerance, and my increased appreciation of art and culture will allow me to positively contribute to the University of Florida campus, and will greatly affect my college experience. These traits, along with my ability to be non-judgmental, will allow me to interact with many different types of people, and gain new knowledge from them. -- UNFINISHED"

You've got a good essay here; just a few corrections. I like the basis for your essay; I think you are establishing and illustrating your well-roundedness nicely by writing about the different environments you have experienced. Keep up the good work!

Regards,
Gloria
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