"Youth Leadership Program and more" - UF admission Essay

I need some help with this Essay.

What essay? What is the prompt? The requirements?

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

sorry, im trying to figure out how to post my essay

Describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your family, your school or community activities, or your involvement in areas outside of school.

REMOVED

No problem :)

Here are my suggestions:

"Over the past two and a half months I have written many essays. Some of them were for colleges and some of them were for scholarships; each was on a different topic. This essay, however, will be on what I think has been the greatest experience of my life and has prepared me for college the most. For the past 6 years I have participated in a "Youth Leadership Program" You should use the actual name of the program in quotation marks. If you are not going to use the actual name, then you do not need the marks at all. Also, it should not be capitalized unless it is the actual name of the program. that involves teaching and umpiring kids for baseball. Throughout the years, I have witnessed the ups and downs of this program and of the people involved. I have learned that parents and coaches can get extremely involved in the game and can get carried away in a negative way. They can get out of control and start screaming at the kids, which is where I come in and try to diffuse the situation to the best of my ability. Most of the time I can successfully calm the individual down, but occasionally, I will have to throw a parent or coach out of the game, which makes the children feel terrible.
Opposed to these negatives are the positive side of things; the looks on the kids' faces when they make a good throw to get someone out or if they get a good hit. Many times after a kid makes an error or wrong play I will stop the game and explain to the kids what they did wrong and try to teach them the right way to play. I also teach them about good sportsmanship, which I think is very important in this day and age of rich and self absorbed athletes. The kids have grown to like and respect me since I have advanced throughout the years growing up with them. I am there to stick up for the kids and to be their leader on the field and off. Sometimes I will see one of the kids at the mall and they will stop to talk and introduce me to their parents. I know the kids look up to me so I always try my best to set a good example and to live up to their expectations. This experience has taught me how to be a good teacher without being demeaning and how to deal with people of all ages. It has also taught me to keep a cool head under pressure which can be difficult when you are getting yelled at by both teams' coaches and parents. For the last three years it has also been my reasonability to schedule games for other umpires so I have learned how best to organize their time and my time which should also help when studying for classes at UF."

You have a good start here. Watch the use of casual contractions in academic writing, as they are inappropriate. A few mechanical errors, and the ending is too abrupt. You have introduced new information at the end, instead of reiterating what you have previously discussed to wrap up your essay.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

How does this look?

Over the past two and a half months I have written many essays. Some of them were for colleges and some of them were for scholarships; each was on a different topic. This essay, however, will be on what I think has been one of the most enriching experiences of my life and has prepared me for college the most.
For the last 6 years I have participated in the "Plantation Athletic League Youth Leadership Program" that involves teaching and umpiring kids for baseball. Throughout the years, I have witnessed the ups and downs of this program and of the people involved. I have learned that parents and coaches can get extremely involved in the game and can get carried away in a negative way. They can get out of control and start screaming at the kids, which is where I come in and try to diffuse the situation. Most of the time I can successfully calm the individual down, but occasionally, I will have to throw a parent or coach out of the game, which makes the children feel terrible.
Opposed to these negatives are the positive side of things; the looks on the kids' faces when they make a good throw to get someone out or if they get a good hit. Many times after a kid makes an error or wrong play I will stop the game and explain to the kids what they did wrong and try to teach them the right way to play. I also teach them about good sportsmanship, which I think is very important in this day and age of rich and self absorbed athletes. The kids have grown to like and respect me since I have advanced throughout the years growing up with them. I am there to stick up for the kids and to be their leader on the field and off. Sometimes I will see one of the kids at the mall and they will stop to talk and introduce me to their parents. I know the kids look up to me so I always try my best to set a good example and to live up to their expectations.
This experience has taught me how to be a good communicator and has given me extra confidence when I am dealing with teachers and other adults. It has also taught me to look at things objectively and to keep a cool head under pressure which can be difficult when you are getting yelled at by both teams' coaches and parents. I am ready to take on all of the challenges ahead of me at the University of Florida.

OK, let's see:

"Over the past two and a half months I have written many essays. Some of them were for colleges and some of them were for scholarships; each was on a different topic. This essay, however, will be on what I think has been one of the most enriching experiences of my life and has prepared me for college the most.
For the last 6 years I have participated in the "Plantation Athletic League Youth Leadership Program" that involves teaching and umpiring kids for baseball. Throughout the years, I have witnessed the ups and downs of this program and of the people involved. I have learned that parents and coaches can get extremely involved in the game and can get carried away in a negative way. They can get out of control and start screaming at the kids, which is where I come in and try to diffuse the situation. Most of the time I can successfully calm the individual down, but occasionally, I will have to throw a parent or coach out of the game, which makes the children feel terrible.
Opposed to these negatives are the positive side of things; the looks on the kids' faces when they make a good throw to get someone out or if they get a good hit. Many times after a kid makes an error or wrong play I will stop the game and explain to the kids what went wrong and try to teach them the right way to play. I also teach them about good sportsmanship, which I think is very important in this day and age of rich and self absorbed athletes. The kids have grown to like and respect me since I have advanced throughout the years, growing up with them. I am there to stick up for the kids and to be their leader on the field as well as off. Sometimes I will see one of the kids at the mall and they will stop to talk and introduce me to their parents. I know the kids look up to me so I always try my best to set a good example and to live up to their expectations.
This experience has taught me how to be a good communicator and has given me extra confidence when I am dealing with teachers and other adults. It has also taught me to look at things objectively and to keep a cool head under pressure, which can be difficult. I am ready to take on all of the challenges ahead of me at the University of Florida."

Good work.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Thanks for the help.

You're very welcome.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com