my application short answer please advice me

I used to a dream about study in New York which is an emporium of the world. Recently with steady financial support from my parents, I could have an opportunity to study in New York. I had searched through website and got an advice from my counselor. It led me to decide apply University of Stony Brook. Main reason that had leaded me to apply school is that University of Stony Brook is preeminent in biological science through the world. And every major in USB is ranked above 50th. Therefore I could have a steady faith in USB that they have great interest in developing biology. And I realized USB is one of top class institution in the world from academically achievement of USB. I had read an article about professor in Korea who had graduated from USB. She was a youngest professor in Korea and she said she could not be success in academically if she did not study in USB. Since I had read about her biography I was shocked and envious her. Lastly I had read another article that talks about USB would gives help in development of education in Korea. USB is a far from Korea but close place in my heart.



When I was in elementary school I had a steady interest in a science. I used to enjoy reading a book about researching natural phenomena and our body. Those books I had read in period as a child had influenced to my aptitude for biology. Those book contained science story such as an outer space, an organism and a robot. Especially I had a great interest about a cat. Watching cat's movement and write down about cat's weight and how many times they are eating like a professional researcher. It was a most enjoyable hobby during my youth. As I was getting order, I began to dream about being a scientist. How it would be wonderful if I become a scientist who is researching professionally. And I have a passion to help unfortunate people if I become a scientist who has exceeded knowledge in biological science. My main objective of studying biology is to have an occupation that is related with medical filed so I can give a help to disable people. I do not want to study for being a rich person but for community and the world.

Good afternoon.

Here are my suggestions:

"I used to a dream about studying in New York, the emporium of the world. As a result of the steady financial support of my parents, I have an opportunity to study in New York. I searched through websites and got an advice from my counselor. What type of counselor? As a result, I decided to apply to the University of Stony Brook. The main reason for this decision is that the University of Stony Brook is preeminent in biological science throughout the world. Every major at USB is ranked above 50th. Therefore I could have a steady faith in USB that they have great interest in developing biology. I realized USB is one of the top class institutions in the world from academically achievement of USB. I had read an article about a professor in Korea who had graduated from USB. She was the youngest professor in Korea and she said she could not be successful academically if she did not study at USB. Since I had read about her biography I was shocked and envious of her. Lastly I had read another article that talks about USB giving help in development of education in Korea. USB is far from Korea but close in my heart.



Since I was in elementary school I have had a steady interest in science. I used to enjoy reading books about researching natural phenomena and our body. Those books I read as a child influenced my aptitude for biology. Those books contained science stories about outer space, an organism, and a robot. I had a great interest especially about a cat. Watching the cat's movement and recording the cat's weight and how many times it ate like a professional researcher was something I enjoyed when I was young. As I got older, I began to dream about being a scientist. How it would be wonderful if I became a scientist who was a professional researcher. I have a passion to help unfortunate people if I become a scientist who has knowledge of biological science. My main objective of studying biology is to have an occupation that is related to the medical field so I can give help to disabled people. I do not want to study for being a rich person but for community and the world."

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Thank You So Much again
This site gave me great help on my application essays.

You are very welcome.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com