Please gives a advice on my application essay: education, science

Education is a most critical issue to everyone who has a child. My parents were always occupied with their companies. Because they could not have enough time with me, they were used to concern about my education .Even they did not had steady incomes, they were never hesitated in investing their money for my education. I used to condemn my parents for their absences during period of a teenager. However recently I had realized that it is not something that I should accuse them, because they had invested on me, I could be more preeminent on my academic careers.
Because I was alone during my youth, some people might think I am a solitude person. But in reality, I am very a sociable and lively person. I had steady relationship with people whoever I had related with. And I was very talented in Physical Education class. It leaded me to awarded 1st honored when I was in junior high school. I was a very curious person. When I was in high school I was very excited whenever I had a research projects and especially I was highly interested in biological research project.
Objective of developing my aptitude in biology, I had decided to apply biological science school in university of stony brook. After I have graduated the university, I want to have an occupation that related with medical cares or agriculture. Further more I want to gives positive influence to the unfortunate people.
Practical uses of biological science would be my ultimate goals for studying biology
I believe there are still lots of unrevealed mystery in biological science such as genetics and the theory of evolution. I have steady desire in researching genetic science because with study of it, we could establish the better method of curing people. And I do not want to believe that we are a descendant of a monkey; I want to prove it that we are just who we are, with researching on it.
I believe destination is a real, because whenever I have had final test during high and junior high school I had got an outstanding grade compare to other classes. It could be nothing defends on one's perspective view, but in my point of view, I believe there was a special reason why I was good at biology. I could be a purpose of God or whomever who has an authority in controlling the world. However I want to study biology.
When I was in high school, I used to participate volunteer for community service. Actually I used cleaned their house and washed cloths for a disable people. From my experiences of a volunteer, I had been awakening my heath for disable people that I should be grown up who can help them. Especially In my academic career, I had decided to study biology to be one who can give a medical help for them. With my great interest in biology and desire to help a disable people, it had leaded me to apply University of Stony Brook as biology major.

nice essay indeed!

Good evening.

Here are my suggestions:

"Education is a most critical issue to everyone who has a child. My parents were always occupied with their companies. Because they could not have enough time with me, they were used to concern about my education. Even they did not had steady incomes, they never hesitated in investing their money for my education. I used to condemn my parents for their absences during periods as a teenager. However recently I realized that it is not something that I should hold against them (Remove comma) because they had invested in me; I could be more preeminent on my academic careers.
Because I was alone during my youth, some people might think I am a solitary person. In reality, I am a very sociable and lively person. I had a steady relationship with people, whoever I had related with. I am a very curious person. When I was in high school I was very excited whenever I had a research projects and especially I was highly interested in biological research projects.
My objective is developing my aptitude in biology; I decided to apply to the biological science school at the University of Stony Brook. After I have graduated the university, I want to have an occupation that is related to the medical field or agriculture. Further more I want to give positive influence to the unfortunate people.
Practical uses of biological science would be my ultimate goals for studying biology
I believe there are still lots of unrevealed mystery in biological science such as genetics and the theory of evolution. I have a steady desire in researching genetic science because with study of it, we could establish the better method of curing people. (Section moved due to irrelevance.)
I believe destiny is a real, because whenever I have had final test during high and junior high school I had got an outstanding grade compare to other classes. It could be nothing depending on one's perspective, but in my point of view, I believe there was a special reason why I was good at biology. However I want to study biology.
When I was in high school, I used to participate volunteer for community service. Actually I used cleaned their house and washed cloths for a disable people. From my experiences of a volunteer, I had been awakening my heath for disable people that I should be grown up who can help them. Especially in my academic career, I had decided to study biology to be one who can give a medical help for them. With my great interest in biology and desire to help disabled people, it has led me to apply University of Stony Brook as biology major."

This is a pretty good first draft. It is a bit disorganized, because you begin by talking about your parents, then you talk about your personality, then your high school career, then destiny, then about what made you want to be in this field. This is very chaotic and tiring to your reader. Choose one or two of these topics and discuss them further in depth, rather than briefly touching on ten shallow things.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Thank you very much
You just gave me great suggestions

You're very welcome.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com