FSU essay..advice, edit, anything you can do..Thank you

For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.

My high school career has been a great ride. Those years are years I will never forget no matter what. Amongst those years I have grown so much and learned tremendous amount of things. Not just academically, but mentally and physically. I have played football for J.V and Varsity, and ran Varsity track all four years. Doing all those sports was hectic, but I was strong and kept putting my all in the both of them.
I think the word that best fits me is Vires. Last track season was kind of a rough time of the year for me. All last school year I had been training for the triple jump. I wanted to do so good that following season, but it did not go as planned. In the first meet I got hurt. I pulled my hip flexor, it was very painful. I had felt that all that training during offseason was wasted. I really felt like there was no point in running that season because I would not be at 100% till the very end. But I could not let my team mates down, especially since I was a captain. Through out that whole season I dug deep and tried to do the best I could in every event. I would win every meet except the really big ones, which made me very frustrated. The coaches and my team mates new I could do a lot better than what I was doing, but I could not make any excuses, because leaders do not make excuses. So it got closer to the end of the season and I was getting a little better, I was finally able to receive a gold medal at a big meet. Getting that gold boosted my confidence up immensely. I was so excited because next week was regions and I was now the 2nd best jumper in region 6 AAA. Regions finally came up and I was ready to jump, at least I thought I was. I did horrible. I did not have one good jump. The second string jumper beat me. I was so embarrassed and torn up at the same time. I cried until everyone left the jumping pits. My coaches and friends tried to tell me to keep my head up, but I could not. I was way to embarrassed. I kept telling myself "this is not going to happen again". I made sure that I busted my butt to get better in every aspect. This summer I went to the weight room every single day and conditioned every single. I am stronger than I have ever been, and I know for a fact that strength was one of the reasons why I did not do well. All I have to do is keep a good mind set and things should go well. No matter how strong one is physically, if they are not strong mentally then the physical strength will not help one much. Through track and Field I have obtained better physical and mental power, which is why I choose vires.
I am a hard working and determined student. When I put my mind to something it should come out the way I want it, and if it does not I will dust myself off and try again. I know FSU wants hardworking students that take school seriously. Not only do I feel I can help the school out academically but I can help out when it comes to athletics. I am well rounded student with a passion to do well, which makes me a good fit for Florida State University.

Good morning.

Here are my suggestions:

"My high school career has been a great ride. Those years are years I will never forget no matter what. Amongst those years I have grown so much and learned a tremendous amount of things. Not just academically, but mentally and physically. I have played football for J.V and Varsity, and ran Varsity track all four years. Doing all those sports was hectic, but I was strong and kept putting my all in the both of them.
I think the word that best fits me is Vires. Last track season was kind of a rough time of the year for me. All last school year I had been training for the triple jump. I wanted to do so good that following season, but it did not go as planned. In the first meet I got hurt. I pulled my hip flexor; it was very painful. I had felt that all that training during the off-season was wasted. I really felt like there was no point in running that season because I would not be at 100% until the very end of it. But I could not let my teammates down, especially since I was a captain. Throughout that whole season I dug deep and tried to do the best I could in every event. I would win every meet except the really big ones, which made me very frustrated. The coaches and my teammates knew I could do a lot better than what I was doing, but I could not make any excuses, because leaders do not make excuses. So it got closer to the end of the season and I was getting a little better, I was finally able to receive a gold medal at a big meet. Getting that gold boosted my confidence immensely. I was so excited because the next week was regions and I was now the 2nd best jumper in region 6 AAA. Regions finally came and I was ready to jump; at least I thought I was. I did horrible. I did not have one good jump. The second string jumper beat me. I was so embarrassed and torn up at the same time. I cried until everyone left the jumping pits. My coaches and friends tried to tell me to keep my head up, but I could not. I was too embarrassed. I kept telling myself "This is not going to happen again." I made sure that I busted my butt to get better in every aspect. This summer I went to the weight room every single day and conditioned. I am stronger than I have ever been, and I know for a fact that strength was one of the reasons why I did not do well. All I have to do is keep a good mind set and things should go well. No matter how strong one is physically, if they are not strong mentally then the physical strength will not help one much. Through track and field I have obtained better physical and mental power, which is why I chose to illustrate myself in the light of vires.
I am a hard working and determined student. When I put my mind to something it should come out the way I want it, and if it does not I will dust myself off and try again. I know FSU wants hardworking students that take school seriously. Not only do I feel I can help the school out academically but I can help out when it comes to athletics. I am well rounded student with a passion to do well, which makes me a good fit for Florida State University."

Good work!
A few mechanical errors, and I did change/add some words. I hope this helps.
Good luck!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

thank you very much mam..and i will make the corrections you made.

You are very welcome.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com